Retirement Stresses

Pm sent

It could be that, for whatever reason, her health and energy aren't what they used to be and she just doesn't feel she has the energy for high activity adventures. Or maybe she is reluctant to leave her commitments here? Such as aging parents, friends, community groups she belongs to?

Your retiring is a big transition for her as well. Her own routine has changed and been disrupted and maybe she's not thrilled about it?

Maybe she's worried about money and spending it all on adventures?

Ultimately, only she knows how she is feeling, so communication is key. Maybe you can then find some middle ground together? Have you ever discussed what you both want/need from retirement?

Given that currently opportunities for travel are very limited, how are you occupying your time? Do you have interests in common?
Could you use the present situation to develop things you enjoy doing together, and also open up discussion on what you each look forward to doing in the future, once restrictions are lifted? See what common ground there is?

You seem, from your post, to have separate finances. Perhaps your wife feels she can't afford to join in with the things you do or doesn't want to use "your" money.

Communication is the key.

Do you object to sharing your money?

If I have misunderstood, I apologise.

Yes, but... the OP has said he has tried to discuss this Is there a way I can better approach this with her as so far all discussions have led to disagreement and argument ?

I agree a discussion could be based in asking her what she would like your retirement future to be. I know from experience how easily discussions soon become confrontational with each accusing each other. When you talk do not attribute any thoughts or motivations to your partner, say really nice things to her as part of the conversation.

Here is a link to the Relate site and their recommendations for conversations. www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/5-communication-tips-try-your-partner .

Consider having some joint counselling with Relate. many people have found mediated counselling very helpful.

I don’t think she’s menopausal at over 60y!

If it's just money that's preventing her from joining you on your trips, surely, you can pay for her . What's happened to share and share alike? She is your partner/almost wife, so what's the problem?
But as someone upthread said, she's probably menopausal. Ask her to see her doctor. Good luck!

You say that you are passionate about Travel, maybe your partner isn’t. Maybe she would rather do other things ? We don’t all want to be dragged around the world with our other half. Especially if money (for her) is an issue.

The issue seems to be divided between your separate finances and different outlook on what to do with your retirement. If you are totally independent from each other financially, your partner won't have the means to join you on your travels. So, you either continue travelling on your own or you pay for her to go with you. If you offered, do you think she would want to?
She sounds as if she may be suffering from depression, if all she wants to do is stay indoors all the time.
You both need to talk about your future together, and what each of you wants.

Retirement with different interests and activities are fine. Our retirement was like that as OH not well enough to join in much; but I got used to doing stuff on my own.

I agree with Urmstongran communication is key. You say you are a couple but it doesn't seem like that with the way your finances are organised. Retirement is such a big step but so many people don't discuss what they want from it and have mismatched expectations.
Talk honestly to each other, retirement can be a very enjoyable phase of your life.

Communication was key here. Sounds like you didn’t plan ahead together to me. What were your aspirations, what disposable incomes you had etc. Maybe your partner assumed (wrongly) that you would pay for her and take her with you? Who knows.

Now you are both where you are. You need to talk. What is important and what is not? What are your priorities going forward?

If you house share could you downsize to fund a joint retirement lifestyle? Does your partner even want that?

Time to sit and talk before either of you becomes more resentful or unhappy.

Good luck.

Have you considered that your partner maybe depressed or suffering symptoms of the menopause? Have you tried asking her why she is so unwilling to go places and try new things? There maybe a good reason which she herself is unaware of. Possibly you could try counselling and maybe find out if you really are very different or if there is a simple reason for her reluctance.