why do I feel so detached from my parents

I just wanted to say thank you for all the replies, I dont know how to tag individual people, but replies have given me some welcome perspective. And yes, I am sure my parenting was not perfect either, I guess we do what we think is right at the time, and yes, things have changed.
And they were good parents, they loved us unconditionally, and still do.

They live 4 hours away, so I probably only see them every 3 months, and i usually stay overnight when I go. At the moment we text a few times a day and phone a couple of times a week. We try and have big family get togethers 3 times a year, one of which would be around Christmas, this wont happen this year for obvious reasons, and I always go. I am working over the Christmas 5 days so I couldnt even use this "allowed" window even if I wanted. But they have too many underlying conditions for this to be safe. I have never told anyone any of this, not even my husband, and I probably never will tell anyone. I think my 4 siblings, who are very local, perhaps have unrealistic expectations of what I can do as I am a long way away, I try and do what I can remotely, but I will never be able to do as much as them, especially as I still work fulltime. I will see them, but realistically it wont be until the vaccine, as it is just too unsafe, and I am too far away for a quick visit.
Thank you again for replies x

Hope its helped to write this down, it always helps to clear the head in difficult situations.
We do what we think is right at the time and sometimes its wrong but thats often in hindsight. Be kind to yourself and to them. Wishing you well.

When I dwell on past events in my upbringing I say to myself 'Be thankful for the good things, forgive the bad things and move on'. I find it a helpful mantra.

thelbg don't let this get you down. Siblings who live locally have no idea of the difficulties of living a long way away. When a friend recently confided about her problem with the lack of understanding of her siblings, we agreed we both had to just get on with it. The siblings won't change.
You're working, you can't stay over with them and you can't join more than 2 other households.
Have a good break when you eventually get it.

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. We don't owe anyone a relationship, even a family member.

Some trust cannot be won back once broken. If you weren't supported or even believed during traumatic events, that's devastating. You going through something awful might have been hard for them to accept but as your parents that was their responsibility, not yours.

I can imagine having close family members disbelieve you made it extremely difficult for you to seek support.

I would suggest you do that now. Reach out and get some counseling. It is hard to forgive without an apology and especially without acknowledging they were wrong.

I would also say, you communicate often. You could cut that back slowly, at least enough to give you some peace from this. You just can't force love but you can take measures to protect yourself. I think in th circumstances you shouldn't feel guilty and your siblings putting pressure on you is not ok.