Sulky husband.

If the world depended on men. .Then I consider myself blessed in having made the right choice.

You can't blame him - he might be facing blindness! Two weeks isn't really all that long to come to terms with something possibly that life-changing. I know it's tedious to listen to though, so I feel for you too.

I understand it is frustrating when someone goes on and on about the same thing. I would be irritated in your position.

However, I am sympathetic to your DH at the moment as I've just been told my cataracts are much worse and I also have macular degeneration. I was told not to choose glasses for style but comfort.

With a strong family history of glaucoma and hands on knowledge I feel for this man. I myself was diagnosed with early Alzheimers nearly a year ago and I know I ^went on about it^ for several weeks after diagnosis. If anyone had rolled their eyes at me I would have been hurt to the quick. Whilst not a sulker, I would certainly gone and hidden myself away.

Give him time to come to terms with this and ask yourself how you would deal with a life changing diagnosis. And try the helpline someone gave you. My own husband is currently awaiting admission for eye surgery very soon 9not glaucoma related) - and yes - it is hard at times to be supportive.

I’m in the same position as shropshirelass, I think. Some days I just want to get in my car and drive off for the day - but can’t. In addition to my DH’s physical condition, his short term memory is ‘problematic’.
He remembers nothing I tell him, but rambles through long tales of his working life.
I think Covid has a lot to answer for!

Instead of sulking though why doesn't he just talk to you about it. The two of you make a pot of tea and sit down together and talk it all through. My ex was a sulker and it did my head in and it could of went on for days, the atmosphere is awful.

Whilst I understand your frustration aly I think that perhaps you need to put yourself in his shoes - he's faced with a condition which has the potential to change his life beyond anything he can imagine - and without support and information his imagination will run riot with all the 'what ifs'.

If you are finding it hard to empathise and his constantly rehashing it all it getting you down, may I suggest checking out the Moorfields Eye Hospital website where you will find the details of a nurse helpline, available to anyone with concerns over eye conditions. It may reassure him and give him an opportunity to ask some questions which are clearly playing on his mind, if he were to give them a call. Having once used the line myself when I suffered an eye condition out of the blue, I can thoroughly recommend their service. They are both factual, practical and very helpful indeed. I hope that this may help both your DH and you to deal with his worries and put an end to the sulking which is very trying for you.

Here is the 'cut and paste' info from my internet search for their up to date number...see below:

You can also get information and advice on eye conditions and treatments from our telephone helpline, Moorfields Direct, on 020 7566 2345. Staffed by experienced ophthalmic-trained nurses, the helpline is open from 9am to 9pm, Monday to Friday and from 8.30am to 5pm on Saturdays.

Sending best wishes to you both

Well said, soldiersailor. The poor man probably knew very little about Glaucoma, has been knocked sideways by the news and is going on and on because he’s scared, doesn’t know what to think and is hardly encouraged by having to live - like all of us - in the bloody Twilight Zone at the moment.....no plans or jolly things to distract him. Nothing worse than being shut indoors with someone going on and on - but a bit like a small child raging at something he can’t have, he really needs distraction. At least until he’s over the shock. The OP should sit down and properly discuss this; what was said, how he feels, what needs to be done, who needs to be informed (no one if he continues to have one good eye) and to explain that she cares about his worries but they’re going to plan and speak and get through this together. Harmony needs to be restored so he can feel that it will be a problem shared. In the same situation how would he want to help his Wife?

I'm sorry for you. I don't tolerate sulking at all. Its childish and juvenile behaviour and solves nothing. You're not being heartless. Tell him to discuss it with the the professional who diagnosed it. He really does need to grow up and man up. I'm afraid that's what I would be saying.

Tend to agree - you underestimated how serious this is, and so how worried he is. You both need to know what type of Glaucoma, how much if any sight has he already lost, what treatment plan is advised etc etc. It can be slowed/controlled but is really not trivial. Just imagine how limiting life is without reliable sight - could not even do this.

I’m with coco51, must be very upsetting for him. If it was me I would say to him the sulking is not helping our situation in fact it’s making it worse.

My DH was diagnosed with glaucoma and prescribed eye drops to reduce the pressure. However, on his last check up they found the drops weren't making any difference and an operation was required. As the waiting time on the NHS was at least 12 months we decided to go privately and he had the operation almost immediately. I was more concerned than DH was, but eyesight is so precious. I think your husband is very concerned, hence talking about it all the time. I probably would too.

Well said soldiersailor. Nice to have a male viewpoint.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry but I think you're being heartless. For him it's a matter of enormous importance; his eyesight is threatened and he feels you are taking it in a very unsympathetic manner. I have little sympathy with sulkers either but when, 25 years ago, I was diagnosed as Type 2 diabetic it hit hard but my wife was a strong support when I needed it. So you should show some humanity and help him past this. Rolling your eyes is not acceptable. Imagine your reaction of it was he who did that if you were diagnosed as having glaucoma.

I think he is very worried and anxious and unable to get it off his mind. So he goes over and over the same old ground driving you mad in the process. He has gone into a sulk, you have apologised but to no avail. I don’t see you can do any more except leave him to his own devices until he comes round. You could make his favourite cake but I think you need to chat about the glaucoma to help him come to terms with it. Look up as much as you can.

My husband has health issues and does moan but it is awful for him. I roll my eyes but only when out of sight! He is always going on about the VIRUS. In my head I say FFS shut up! I must admit it does get me down, but I am not the one suffering. He has gone from being a dynamic go getter to a broken man and he knows it. Awful to see and deal with. Your husband will be afraid of what is to come, sight is so precious. Good luck.

He’s probably terrified of losing his sight and the implications of not being able to see. That’s not sulking, it’s a major life changing event.

It must be very annoying, but I suspect it's because he's feeling very anxious about his diagnosis, especially at the moment with covid to worry about as well. In some people, anxiety and worry manifests as babbling or ranting on about something, or in temper tantrums. Maybe try to be a bit more understanding?

Many men seem to be such a pain when they get older (no sexism here so I should add that we are all a bit of a pain when we get older, male or female).
My DH gets a topic into his head from the news or whatever and then goes on and on about it for days. He starts from the beginning of his story every single time, repeating absolutely everything and then maybe adding a tiny nugget of new information at the end of the monologue.
He gets very sulky if I ask him to skip the preamble and just give me the new information - I feel a bit guilty for shutting him up, but really don't want to hear everything again for the upteenth time.

Count your blessings Aly

Can’t stand sulkers . My DH can drive me mad but a sulker he is not. We can have a heated ‘discussion’ and go quiet on each other and 2 minutes later, he’s chatting away as though nothing had been said.

Redhead56

If the human race depended on men we would become extinct. They are like children and any ailment they have especially small becomes a crisis they cannot cope. My best friend worked all her working life for NHS she says the bigger and tougher looking the man the weaker. I am not a man hater at all I adore my husband but they are different.

Just as women are all different, some are talkers, some are sulkers, others are understanding while many are not.

The world relies on both sexes and their different ways in life to exist at all.

If the human race depended on men we would become extinct. They are like children and any ailment they have especially small becomes a crisis they cannot cope. My best friend worked all her working life for NHS she says the bigger and tougher looking the man the weaker. I am not a man hater at all I adore my husband but they are different.

I wouldn't have married a sulker in the first place this surely can't be the first time he's had a paddy?
He's probably scared.