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My 28 year old son is travelling around Australia and has been travelling for nearly 5 years now. A couple of years ago he met a lovely German girl.
They started making plans for their future together and I even spent some time with them both in Cambodia.
When they came back for a couple of months last year we took them on holiday with us and I spent time in Germany with them and the girlfriends family.
However, they went back to Australia in January to spend their last year there before they visas run out, plan was to work and work and save as much as possible before they settled back in England.
But she had other ideas and finished the relationship pretty much as soon as they had landed in Australia.
My son was/is heartbroken but 11 months later he is starting to get angry, most of his belongings are in Germany at her Mums house and it looks like he won’t get any of them back.
I have kept in touch with the ex girlfriend, I really did like her and was very fond of her family.
BUT is it time to cut all ties with the German family now, I need to support my son and think of his feelings, don’t I?
Thank you everyone for your comments.
I’m sure any communications between the 2 families will run its cause in time. I will look into getting my sons items back in the new year. xx
He has a career as a chef which, with all his added experience from his travels, will serve him very well.
David0205
sodapop
That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205
Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.Working your way around the world is an excuse for not committing to a career. Nothing wrong with a gap year but 5 yrs does nothing to help help the vast majority, they just drift. At 28 he should have learned a skill and be able to earn a good living, working on farms and casual restaurant work means he comes back at the bottom of the pile for work.
That’s my view, don’t knock me because I have a different opinion, all parents want the best for their children globe trotting does nothing for long term prospects.
David0205,
Maybe I should of said that my son started working in restaurants when he was 14 and has worked his way up. He is now a sous chef working along side the head chef. Nothing casual about his work.
He had to work on the farm to get his second year visa.
He certainly isn’t a drifter, I actually think he has learnt a lot more about life skills travelling the world instead of working 16 hours per day in kitchens which he did for 3 years solid.
He has actually worked in Michelin star restaurants all over with many famous chefs.
I agree that there are many children that live off their parents for far too many years but my son isn’t one of them.
David0205
Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.
The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.
David0205,
Maybe I should of said that my son started working in restaurants when he was 14 and has worked his way up. He is now a sous chef working along side the head chef. Nothing casual about his work.
He had to work on the farm to get his second year visa.
He certainly isn’t a drifter, I actually think he has learnt a lot more about life skills travelling the world instead of working 16 hours per day in kitchens which he did for 3 years solid.
He has actually worked in Michelin star restaurants all over with many famous chefs.
I agree that there are many children that live off their parents for far too many years but my son isn’t one of them.
For some reason the post to David0205 didn’t post so I did it again, it’s now posted twice. Oops.
I can understand you wanting to help amanda we all have that inbuilt heart to want to save, love and help out our kids but honestly at 28 and the ability and confidence to travel the world applying and getting good jobs on the way it really is his business to sort his own goods and belongings out and not yours at all
If his belongings mean anything to him then he needs to find and pay for a courier to get them back I m sure the German parents don’t want them cluttering up their house either
There are also usually faults on both sides when there is a break up and it’s by far the best to stay as neutral as possible
I m sure she didn’t stay with him for two years just to be ‘fixed’ and I m sure he didn’t stay with her just to be her counsellor !!
OP
If your son wanted his belongings back and truly needed them, he would have done something about it.
Personally, as his ex, I would give them a period of time to retrieve them and move in
If his mother contacted me for this purpose, I would find it truly weird and out of place
Give him a period of time and move on..
Evil autocorrect
Amanda, has your son asked you to deal with this for him? If you have a cordial relationship with his ex IL’s and he wants you to deal with it then fair enough, but maybe ask him if he hasn’t specifically tasked you with this?
I would find it a bit odd to have my ex SIL’s mum contact me instead of him - maybe even a message from him to them saying that you’re logistically better placed to do it would make it a bit less odd. That’s assuming his things haven’t already been disposed off given the timeframe involved.
May I suggest your son find a storage unit in Germany close by, then he can hire someone to move them to storage.
That way they are no longer the responsibility of the ex-girlfriend or her family. He should be able to do this with the help of the internet, allowing you to step away from the situation.
He can then deal with the items whenever he gets a chance to return. There may be some issues moving personal goods from one country to another, especially now with Uk out of EU., and of course Covid.
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