Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

Return it and explain that the baby has no bank account and the cheque needs to be in the name of the parent. No fuss, no family drama. Then take a deep breath and move on

I had exactly this when With my daughter when I remarried, when we visited my new mother in law she would quietly give her original two grandchildren a fiver each but not my daughter, they would then quickly tell my daughter who was ten, I could see how disappointed she was and so I told her whatever they got I would give her , there were times when I was holding my breath that a fiver was all they got!

I too am confused about the family tree. Is your MIL your current husband's mother, and thus GGM to the little girl, or is she your ex-husband's mother and not related? Has she bought the little girl presents or given money in previous years?

I would do as Madgran has suggested. If she wishes to do this again in the future, you wont be involved and it will be something for the parents to sort out.

I agree with lemsip - get your step granddaughter a little present and then thank the MIL saying that you got the little girl a present from her "knowing that she wouldn't intentionally leave her out"!!
We have step grandson (who doesn't know it as he was a baby) and we treat him as ours because he is (bio or not!!). All children get the same love and presents in our family.

Shouldn’t the parents be the ones to make the decision of what to do? They could choose to tear the cheque up or send it back to the witch?
Or cash it and share it equally on two gifts for the children.
The gift is for their child, so their decision?

My DM used to buy my middle DD one less present than my other two DD's, my middle DD, by the time she reached 4yrs had started to notice and got very upset so l nipped upstairs and got one of the presents we had kept back for boxing day knowing l could pop out the next day to replace it and regifted it from DM to DGD l discreetly placed it under some wrapping paper and made a big show of finding it saying loudly that DM would never buy two gifts for her DS and only one for her as that would be very mean to a little girl, never happened again

I had exactly the same happen when mine were little, she started sending presents for my older one who looked like her Dad but the younger one with beautiful flaming red hair got nothing. She was too young to know, but I knew and so did my eldest! In the end I said to my husband that they would be going in the bin if it continued. It didn’t fortunately as he stuck up for me.

We never got on, I tried very hard initially but it was a waste of time and I wasn’t good enough. Many years down the line she said to me “oh are we never going to get on?” I answered that it was difficult as she didn’t like me - to which she responded “oh no I think you’re very intelligent and highly efficient!”

I would pass cheque on to parents of new baby but buy a gift to or 5 year old and put Her name on it. I would not let a 5 year old suffer. I would buy 5 years old a special gift from you and make a big point of telling her how special she is to you. My Mil accepted my children from my first marriage as her grand children and have always treated them the same as her older biological grand daughters. In fact my youngest son is very close to his step grandad and as an adult often drives 140 miles to see step grandparents. My Mil has told me my children brought a lot of joy to them over the years. If your Mother is too stupid to see that then she is the one loosing out.

I agree this has to be sorted now ! We are talking about a young child !

I would give it to the parents and then leave it to them to decide what to do. You can say how you feel about it and that you are very upset about what she has done. But leave it to them to decide - I suspect that they will buy a present for each GC and then let her know as that would be more effective

jeanainsworth I don’t understand why she didn’t give it straight to the parents either. Or if she couldn’t deliver it because of COVID, why not just post it.
I’d go with Madgran, but get even less involved by just asking if she meant to enclose something for SGD and if she says no, I’d just tell her I’d return the cheque to her so she could send it to the parents. No further discussion.

My paternal Grandparents were like this, they never gave me gifts or birthday cards, it was because I was adopted (at about 2 months old) and they said I was not their family.

I've just read this and can relate to your feeling when my children were small my in laws treated them differently to their daughters child my daughter was their first grandchild and they doted on her until my sister in laws daughter was born I noticed this and spoke to my husband they didn't so much treat them differently re gifts but what was more hurtful was the open favourtism toward my sister in laws child we didn't argue about it but it did cause resentment my kids had my mum who they idolised but family relations can be strained, my father in law even took the bride and groom from my brother in laws cake and slid it slyly to the child they had two granddaughters but my sister in laws child was definitely the favourite think I would say something as it will fester as years go by and when the little girl grows up she will notice too, but for all this I love my sister in law as a sister we get on great always have but families are strange her daughter grew up to be a nasty spiteful adult who five years ago stopped my sister in law seeing her grandson's because she had the temerity to treat her step granddaughter like her own strange but sad too.

jennil23. That is so awful of your paternal Grandparents it made me wince to read it. How cruel of them!
my best wishes to you now!

I’d certainly send the cheque back along with a note saying there are two children in the family and not one . I wouldn’t pussyfoot around her either as what she has done is just plain awful, if she gets upset it’s just too bad . Christmas is a time for children and all children in a family should be treated equally .

I don't understand why it is sent to you, and not the parents? I'd return it saying you forgot the little girl and please send something for each. If you can cash it you could share it between them yourself and tell her afterwards.

How awful. I'm a bit of a mouse and rarely confront people. In this case I'd make an exception.

My MIL would give weekly pocket money to her 2 grandchildren by her daughter but her 2 grandchildren by her son (my children) never got a penny.

I’m struggling to understand why MiL didn’t just give the cheque to the baby’s parents.

Me too.

A cheque can be posted.

Is this a new baby and is the cheque intended as a gift to start off his bank account, not as a Christmas present?
Have Christmas presents for both children been sent separately?

Is your MIL getting forgetful?

It isn't really up to you to decide, unfortunately but the parents' decision, so they may decide to split the money and let her know what they have done in a thank you note.

I’m absolutely with Dibbydod here. That’s incredibly cruel behaviours, and she needs to be called out on it right now.

I'm a step-parent. When my stepson got married and the photographer called for family for photos, my step-DIL said to me 'you're not family' and I was left out. Its been a bit like that ever since. Very hurtful, I've been married now for 28 years!

I would treat it as a present to a new born , not a Christmas present , and pass it on to the parents , no reaction , that would cool her !

Oh dear. I would have to ask if she meant the cheque as a new baby gift. If its not tell her you did wonder what she was doing about a gift for step granchild then and ask if she had sent it direct. If thats a no just tell her you dont like that she has treated them differently this year and that you are not prepared to play piggy in the middle and would prefer she sends future gifts direct. Whilst it is up to her who she gives gifts to it is a little mean buf I suppose we are all different.

As I’ve understood it, the OP is a grandparent to a family unit comprising a step granddaughter of 5 whom she’s fully accepted and a newborn biological grandson in the same family unit. However her MIL, the Great Grandmother here to these children, has only sent a cheque to the biological great grandson and not his sister.