Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

Shouldn’t the parents be the ones to make the decision of what to do? They could choose to tear the cheque up or send it back to the witch?
Or cash it and share it equally on two gifts for the children.
The gift is for their child, so their decision?

I agree with lemsip - get your step granddaughter a little present and then thank the MIL saying that you got the little girl a present from her "knowing that she wouldn't intentionally leave her out"!!
We have step grandson (who doesn't know it as he was a baby) and we treat him as ours because he is (bio or not!!). All children get the same love and presents in our family.

I would do as Madgran has suggested. If she wishes to do this again in the future, you wont be involved and it will be something for the parents to sort out.

I too am confused about the family tree. Is your MIL your current husband's mother, and thus GGM to the little girl, or is she your ex-husband's mother and not related? Has she bought the little girl presents or given money in previous years?

I had exactly this when With my daughter when I remarried, when we visited my new mother in law she would quietly give her original two grandchildren a fiver each but not my daughter, they would then quickly tell my daughter who was ten, I could see how disappointed she was and so I told her whatever they got I would give her , there were times when I was holding my breath that a fiver was all they got!

Return it and explain that the baby has no bank account and the cheque needs to be in the name of the parent. No fuss, no family drama. Then take a deep breath and move on

My only grandchild is not “biological” but I’m every bit as much of a GP as my husband (it’s his wonderful daughter) my own mum always sends a pressie and card for his birthday and Christmas, it’s so not about blood. Either way, ignore this woman, either she’s thoughtless and does not realise or she’s done it deliberately, either way don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction, enjoy your Christmas

If it was me I would return the cheque and card with a note telling her why.. This is really a horrible thing to do to a young child. Just for the record I have two gc who my son inherited (as we call it in the family). They have always been treated exactly the same, in fact we were told we were favouring one of them over all the others. So we changed our approached.

I would accept and thank MIL for the cheque. But also play mind games with her. Say "I realise that you don't consider xx as your grandchild but I wonder how we will cope with that in the future as she gets older and understands more. Is there a way we could help you accept her as the important part of our family that she is".

Say it sweetly - and if things don't improve then take action as you see fit. But giving her a chance may help prevent total family fall-outs. (Even if you don't really mean it).

Does she know the little girl in question?

I think you need to deal with this now Angusann, it's obviously not an oversight as your mother in law does this sort of thing often. The child is too young to understand now but if you don't nip it in the bud then it will continue. I don't think you should pretend to send a gift from her or start any sort of cover up as this will end in tears. I think Madgran has a good suggestion to deal with it. I had this sort of rejection from grandparents as well.

Good advice Madgran.

I’m struggling to understand why MiL didn’t just give the cheque to the baby’s parents.

I would speak to her,(by phone?) rather than play games. As in..."I got the cheque for *. Did you intend to enclose one for *? as well?" If she says no, ask why! If it was deliberate respond with "I see. I am not willing to be involved in leaving out **! So I'll return the cheque to you and you can sort it out with *(parents)."

In other words you are not rowing, imposing your views on her. You are just refusing to participate in her choices!

Yes she might make a fuss etc. Just say " It is your choice what you do but I am not willing to be involved in leaving out *" Repeat! Do not get engaged in emotional stuff, do not respond to any criticism of you and your choice , just say "That is not what we are talking about. I am not willing ......!"

Good luck!

I'll quickly say, the five year old won't know, so won't be upset!!
get her another little present yourself. I always made sure my grandchildren and there half sister had the same number of gifts to unwrap! The half sister was loved and treated the same as the others by me even though she had her own grandparents also!
don't be nasty at Christmas on someone elses behalf. It isn't necessary! it shouldn't have been a surprise as you say she's been the same for 30 years!

Certainly wouldn't make a fuss or return the cheque. 5 year old probably won't notice if you give her a small gift like a selection box.Although rethinking that my 3 year old gs knew exactly who had given him what at his birthday party.He also knew who's mum or dad was who out of his class party..

I’m with Bluebelle, make it clear.

Am I the only one isn’t clear about the family structure here?

Are the step-granddaughter and the bio-grandson step-brother and sister?
Or are they cousins?

If they are cousins it could be that MiL has a different present-giving arrangement with that branch of the family.
Possibly it’s a one-off because bio-grandson is a new baby.
I would certainly not do anything so hurtful as returning a gift without at least trying to find out exactly why step-granddaughter had been apparently overlooked.

That would be going straight back to her no question about it,

Just reread it and you arent seeing her before Christmas well I would still give it back post it, put it through letterbox whatever you would normally do....with a note something like I expect you forgot ‘Samantha’ if you can tear this up and get two cheques written out I ll definitely pass them on Thanks

She can’t cash it vampirequeen it’s made out in the baby s name
But she can hand it back with a sweet smile and say I guess you forget ?Samantha? if I give it you back you can write two new ones out smile plasters on her calm face

I would return the card and cheque intended for the GGS to MIL telling her to give to both or give to neither. Despite their birth origin, all children in a family unit deserve to be treated equally surely!

Many years ago, my maternal Grandmother took exception against my brother; we were from the same parents so no "step" relations involved. Grandmother would not buy birthday/Christmas gifts for my brother and displayed extreme dislike towards him. My mum nipped this in the bud telling Grandmother that if she can't buy for us both she needn't bother buying anything at all!

I'd return it. She'll continue doing this unless you block it. The baby is too young to know now, but you won't be able to take a gift back from a 7 or 8 year old to share equally between them.

I would post it back saying 'Send an equal gift for both, or don't bother sending gifts at all.'

If she's a game player then don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know it's got to you. Cash the cheque and share it between the two children. If she ever queries it say that you assumed it was both of them as you knew she would never intentionally be mean to a child.

Is bio biological? As opposed to step grandmother?

I don’t know what a bio grandmother is ? As she gave it to you personally and you know it’s not a forgetful mistake I would definitely hand it back and say I think you ve made a mistake you have two great grand children I ll wait to get the other one
or else I d tear it up or I d give an equal one tout my own pocket
I used to buy my kids presents from their father who never gave them a blooming penny