Brother criticised my son

Without knowing what your DB said it's difficult to tell if you are being too sensitive or your DB was being too critical, or maybe a mixture of both. I know of someone in the same situation where the parties went from being very close to never speaking again from that day. It was so difficult for the rest of the family. Actually, in that situation, I think most of the family thought there was a bit of truth in what had been said, but obviously highly inappropriate to say anything. So glad you're supporting your DS but not holding a grudge against your DB. Who knows he may yet apologise for his behaviour.

I am going through exactly this but with friends. Just over a year ago they decided to tell us exactly what they thought of son#2, we have just managed to get back to some relationship with them when last night they did the same but about son#1. I'm so hurt but gutted to lose their friendship. Can't imagine if it was family, that must be even harder for you

I fell out with my brother a few years ago. I had experienced a very recent bereavement and he was very insensitive. I completely blew my top and said I never wanted to see him again. However, when the dust settled I realised he’s always been lacking in empathy or tact. I reacted because I was in a bad place. I saw him at a family do and said sorry. He said he was sorry and all’s good now! Life is definitely too short and family too precious to let a few silly comments cause a long term rift.

My brother and his wife didn’t have any children until I had some. So then they had their first. My eldest had been given a shiny new something and their little darling wanted it. My darling refused to hand it over and I got a lecture from SIL on how they would teach their children to share.
I sucked it up. In the interest of continuing a relationship. I love my prickly SIL and dearly love my brother, and it’s a small thing in the scheme of things.
That’s what you have to do in order to continue with relationships don’t sweat the small stuff. Sucking things up maybe aught to be on the school curriculum.

It sounds as though your brother is ued to being in control, has probably not had to deal with financial issues such as redundancy, and is not used to people pointing out his shortcomings to him. It is so difficult to know what's in someone else's mind when they say things and he may even have thought he was making helpful suggestions or dishing out tough love for you to pass on. Who knows? Like many have said, I would probably not make a big issue of it at the moment and keep the communication channels open. Perhaps, once your son has secured a new job, you could tell your brother about it and insert a comment that counters in some way the negative thing your brother had said. If, for example, he said your son was too quiet for his own good or a bit abrupt and hadn't engaged well with customers/colleagues and that's why he'd been let go, you could point out the new job is a customer-facing role and he's been complimented on his interpersonal skills.....He will hopefully realise his earlier comment was out of line. he might even apologise!If not, I'm not sure what else you can do.
I hope your son finds a suitable job soon - many people are in the same position.

Feeling vulnerable, knowing DS had lost his job you were in for the attack.Not aware of what your brother said needs careful thought in how you respond.Let your brother know your feelings 'in private' Take it from there as the last thing you want is a falling out with your brother but at the same time 'clear the air.'.

One should never, ever comment negatively on another person's family. My brother criticised me to my daughter many years ago and I thought that it was despicable. I said nothing as I avoid confrontations. Maintaining contact while keeping a distance is one way of handling such situations with relatives. Good luck.

I've had similar issues with both my mother and sister about my two sons, my sister was awful about my elder son and my mother has gone so far as to tell people that she has 4 grandsons when she actually has 5. In fact, they've both been horrendous to/ about me too.
I've spent years trying to sort it out with them, trying so very hard to find out why they feel the way they do and telling my boys along the way that sometimes people get weird ideas into their heads and that eventually they'd realise that they were wrong but after almost 20yrs of doing this my boys have grown up and have decided that they don't need such negative people in their lives. As a result, neither of my sons has any contact with my sister, my younger son only exchanged birthday and xmas cards with my mother and I've had no contact with either for a few years now.
I truly wish we'd been able to straighten things out and have good relationships across the family but this was not to be for us and life for the three of us is so much better without all the negativity.
I would suggest that you give your brother a wide berth for a short time, maybe he'll realise what he's said but the next time you do speak, remind him of what he said and let him know that he was wrong, your son has done nothing to deserve losing his job, we are in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and thousands are losing their livelihoods but also point out that he upset you by saying it too. Hopefully you'll get an apology and be able to get back on track but if he maintains his position on the subject, be prepared for your relationship to suffer. You are right, he's the one in the wrong, so you shouldn't really be the one having to chase him, he really should be coming to you with a sincere apology!

I thought it so strange that at a time when your son needs a bit of support over something that is not his fault, that your brother decided to react like that!
I see no reason why you can't point out to him how hurtful you found his comments and would not be surprised if he comes back with "I was only joking!"
Wonder if your son up until now has been doing well when his son hasn't been doing so well , so there is a bit of jealousy there?
Either way, there are times when thoughts should be kept to yourself - and this would have been one of them!

Thank you ladies for your advice and similar stories. That’s sad harmonypuss about your s and m as you say though you don’t need that negativity in your life.
Jay Lucy
It’s strange that you mention my b son because he is only few months younger than mine and he has a very good job and nice house but my brother does tend to compare - I really don’t know why. My son has for a long time said to me that my b is needy. Good thing is my son isn’t bothered by what my b said. He just says “oh mum, take no notice, I really don’t care what he says” I suppose you just think why? Why be mean at a very worrying time.
Anyway I know I need to step back from my b for now. I hope if he rings it’s not for a month or so as family are meant to be supportive aren’t they and right now he’s not. He’s never had much empathy for anyone unless it’s his immediate family and he’s not going through it.
On a positive note my son has an interview tomorrow and is doing ok.

Family is family, not worth bickering. If what he said upset you, you should be able to tell him in a calm manner that you do not appreciate him talking about your son like that. Then change the subject and make sure you never talk about his family to him. He will take the hint.

When i ended up in hospital for weeks, my family supported me completely! Even took care of my dog and gave me money when i found I was short.

Family is family, they may speak the truth, but you don't want to know! Just tell them to stop.

So tell your brother how he made you feel, and give him a chance to apologise.

He didn't make her feel anything, but it is how she feels.

I think Florencerosie would feel much better now if she'd immediately challenged her brother's remark with a 'What do you mean, why would you say that?' and corrected her brother.

Being too polite and avoiding mentioning things just allows feelings to fester.

Hsgi
That’s just it - he wasn’t speaking the truth. It was just criticism.
Far north
It’s not about how he made me feel - it’s about criticising my son because he was being mean. There was no truth in what he said. His family aren’t going through it so no one else really matters. That’s just how he is.
Hetty58
Spot on - I do wish I’d challenged him and said that, but I guess I though it may come out wrong. However next time I know what to say.
Thank you for your replies ladies