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Son dating a alcoholic

(8 Posts)
gigi1958 Thu 21-Jan-21 22:29:31

My son is in his first relationship he is 33 and sadly she has mental health issues and is an alcoholic and a 4 year old son from a previous relatinship. She spent 8 days over Christmas in a psych unit. I realize I can't interfere but at the same time by not saying anything is it like I'm saying it's OK or that I dont' care? My late ex who was his father was an alcoholic and it seems like he would have learned a long time ago that they don't make great partners. Any advice? Thanks in advance for any help!

tanith Thu 21-Jan-21 22:35:23

Sadly I don’t think you can do anything apart from telling your son that you care about him very much and be there when things go wrong. Of course and hope that he’ll realise what he’s in for and get out before he’s in too deep. I’m so sorry you are in this position.

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 21-Jan-21 22:45:55

You can’t interfere but you can at least make your fears known to your son, talk about it once, then say no more.
I would be wary though of offering to help out too much, your son has to realise that her problems will also be his problems.
Maybe with your sons help she will be able to recover.
Best wishes though

cornishpatsy Thu 21-Jan-21 22:55:27

I was going to say the same as tanith .

I would also add do not get involved in helping her, if things are made too easy she will have no reason to change her life, the alcohol abuse, If she has not changed for her son she will not change for your son.

AmberSpyglass Thu 21-Jan-21 23:01:33

Someone with severe mental health problems can still make a good partner. The fact that she still has her son living with her shows that she’s clearly working towards being completely functional and since she was in hospital, social services will be keeping an eye on things. Being in hospital for MH issues isn’t any different from being in hospital for any other chronic health problem - it doesn’t mean she can’t be a good girlfriend and mother and friend.

If she’s told him she’s an alcoholic then she’s aware of the problem and is hopefully trying to fix it - she might be in recovery and might even be sober. It’s not necessarily as bad as you worry.

Hithere Fri 22-Jan-21 00:46:31

It is not unusual for children of alcoholics to end up with partners who suffer the same addiction.

Toadinthehole Fri 22-Jan-21 14:40:37

How sad for you, particularly as you went through it with an ex. I understand your concerns about not saying anything may seem like you don’t care, so just tell him what you’ve said here. You love him, and want to support him...and his partner, but you don’t want to interfere. You care very much, and will be pleased to help as much as you can...but only if he asks for it.
Outside of that, I don’t think there’s much you can do.💐

gigi1958 Sun 24-Jan-21 03:10:14

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I spoke with my daughter yesterday and it was a relief to hear that he is not drinking with her but apparently nags her. And while I know that my son can't fix her sooner or later maybe she will realize she needs help or he will realize he is beating his head against a wall, one or the other. But I will speak with him and voice my concerns but do tell him that I will support them both in whatever he decides. Thank you again I really do appreciate your help! smile