I tend to look at patterns.
As an example, my sister and BIL have had periods of estrangement from my parents. None of the other five of us kids have ever been estranged from them. Sadly, my BIL eventually became physically abusive to my sister (he had been emotionally abusive for years, it turns out) and he is currently incarcerated because of it. My parents certainly weren't abusive to us.
OTOH, we are estranged from FIL. FIL tried to destroy our marriage, body-shamed me and our impressionable young daughter (who eventually ended up with an eating disorder, thankfully it has never gotten serious and she is doing better), financially abused us, and is completely self-absorbed. My SIL (BIL's wife) can't stand him either and refers to him as His Lordship (Hubby and I refer to him as Mr. Wonderful in an ironic way). My other SIL (Hubby's sister) has had an on and off relationship with him, although she's been that way with most of the family. If two of your children's spouses and one of your children can't stand you, that's a pattern. A pattern would tend to lend itself to Occam's razor - the solution with the fewest assumptions tends to be correct.