Relationships with cousins

Hi Kestrel, I have cousins only on my Father’s side (8). Father’s Sister (Aunt B) encouraged at least annual contact after my parents had died and this has continued with most of the cousins since. One family live in Scotland and I regularly met with eldest on golfing trips until the restrictions imposed over the last year. One of his Sisters lives in Australia so meeting with her is very infrequent but we keep in contact via email and Facebook. Aunt B’s eldest remarried and many of us met up for her wedding, even my Brother who came over from USA, and then again celebrating her 60th in 2019 when we had a group photo of 29 of us, including all offspring. I look back on these occasions very fondly and am so glad we all still communicate. I wish you well in the future and hope you can enjoy some happy reunions as I have.

I discovered that I had a half sister a few years ago, and we keep in touch but as we have no shared experience we are not close. I suppose if we lived near to one another we could have developed a relationship, and I would have been delighted to do so, but it hasn’t really happened.

I do have cousins to whom I am quite close, and especially to their children and grandchildren, helped by being god parents and to our children being god parents to the next generation. As we are both only children we wanted our children to have more relatives?

Always been my dream to find my cousins in Australia but I never have. Mother's brother was called Leo, he married Janice and they emigrated. He fell out with mum in the 60s as she went back to her husband after saying she would join him in Australia.
I've written to many different addresses over the years but never found them.

I’m like you OP, lost touch when I moved long distances as a teenager away from the home area and I feel that through a combination of circumstances that I got cut off decades ago.

I am so chuffed that my lovely brother consistently keeps in touch with everyone and I am slowly joining him in meeting up again. I feel strangely nervous, but everyone has been very welcoming.

My brother is very good at putting out regular feelers for who is up for a pub lunch and informal little reunions to keep everyone in touch. I wonder if you have a relative who could perhaps facilitate the same for you?

A small lunch or coffee and cake for say 4 or so people seems to work very well. In fact, I would say so far, my long lost relatives have been very enthusiastic and happy at the approaches made (post covid when next allowed)

You have to do what's best for you! If you are a sociable and outgoing person, then you may find you get along well with your cousins, even after such a long time apart!
I too have cousins but all apart from one live in England these days, and I live in Scotland! I used to regularly meet up with my cousin who lives in Scotland. However, she has turned into an alcoholic and her 2 daughters are also bad news - one beats her up and trashes her house when she's drunk, and the other one is a heroin addict! My mother drank heavily all throughout my childhood, and my husband's father and brother both had serious issues with alcohol, so I have cut myself off from her! I am not a particularly sociable person, and I don't mind my own company, so it wasn't hard for me!
Best of luck with your cousins! ?

Due to family matters, I didn't get to know my cousin (12 yrs younger) until we were both adults - believe I was in my mid-40s. From there, we went from strength to strength. Unfortunately, we both live at opposite ends of the UK! I cannot travel these days, so we only meet occasionally. We keep in touch regularly through phone/social media and she told me recently that she regards me as the big sister she never had. I am also now in touch with my second cousin in Canada (through family research) - we were both young children when we last met. It's lovely as I am now a widow and only have these cousins and two others as my family. ~(no children but thanks for allowing me on here!)I would nurture the relationship as much as you can but don't expect it to blossom fully for some time. Best wishes.

Cousins are just like friends. Sometimes you connect, sometimes you don't. I grew up with a "cousin" who was just one month older than me. We are still good friends now at age 71 even though she lives in Holland. She was not even a real cousin, her mother and my mother were sisters in law when my mother was married to her first husband but not being blood does not mean we aren't close friends.

I have 4 cousins on my Mum's side of the family, and 5 on my Dad's.

Some of us are Facebook "friends" while others are not. We exchange Christmas cards with some and not with others.

We tend to see one another at events...funerals mainly, and the occasional wedding.

I think that just because you have ties of kinship, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will stay in touch into adulthood.

I had my dna done recently and discovered that I have a first cousin in Vancouver. We are now in touch online and it's fatastic.

fantastic... typo

I come from a very small family so don’t have many people I can track down. I do have a second cousin who keeps in touch with me. Her mother and mine were cousins. She is very interested in the family tree and contacts me with information from time to time. I’m not so interested in this but it does help us to have some common ground. Could I suggest that the OP does some research and shares this with her cousins?

My mother never really got on with her family so I never got to know the 18 cousins on her side. There are nine of us cousins on Dad’s side. Some of them are just people we exchange Christmas cards with and meet at funerals. Others I see more often. Most of us are now grandparents! Unbelievable. I have an old black and white photo of all nine of us with our grandmother. She is holding the youngest of us and the rest of us are huddled around. The photo must be 58 years old!

I think whether or not we can expect good relationships with cousins depends upon many factors, not least the amount of involvement we had as children. My parents always made a lot of effort to stay in contact with their brothers and sisters, and so we saw a lot of our cousins. Then, through life, we all had our own lives and largely went our own way. But now, as we retire, we are getting closer again. The extra time we have makes a difference, of course, and our shared experiences of our grandparents, our holidays, our Christmases together, is all part of that. We miss the older generation now, and they are a last link to them. But perhaps it is different if you did not share those things - I am nor sure.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I would have loved to have some cousins or extended family but both parents only children and no cousins, aunts or uncles so just myself and two sisters.

It may not be too late, after all you are related by blood so you do have your families in common, I sincerely hope some friendships will come about for you.

I have one cousin. We were childhood nemesises! What a sneaky little shi* he was. If i ever see him again it would be too soon. He lives in Tasmania and it's too close for comfort. Our link grandparents have both died and since that point he and his mother are also dead to me.
I have one lovely half cousin to whom i am still close other than that all family are estranged except my own offspring and their children.
Good luck with keeping in touch but if it works enjoy it OH. Facebook and all that can be so fake people talk on there then pass you in the street and don't acknowledge you. I think families can be like that too except for the funeral get togethers.

We are keeping in touch on regular Zoom sessions. My sister hosts one and a cousin on my mothers side hosts another so we have invited cousins on my father's side to ours.

It's lovely that you have reached out to get to know them. My parents, aunts and uncles have all passed away and the majority of my cousins and I haven't kept in touch, in fact there is only one I see in my local town and another I always send a Xmas card to, he has learning difficulties. I wouldn't even have a clue where any of the others live. You keep slowly getting to know them, don't put any pressure on it and see how it goes.

I'm an only child so am grateful to have several first cousins and many more distant ones. I've been in touch with the ones with whom my parents mixed all my life. When we all worked and were bringing up children contact was very occasional but now we're retired we're back in touch. A couple of years ago the first cousins rented a house where we got together with our partners for a weekend. It was more successful than I'd dared to hope. We remain in touch although we live in different parts of the country. They're the only people with whom I can share family memories.

Definitely not left it too late,18 years ago I looked up a cousin,
I hadn’t seen for44 years and although we are 7000 miles apart
we have developed a wonderful fun relationship and I can truly say I love my cousin and his wife.We have travelled across the world to family weddings,been a cruise and had quite a few long visits all brilliant.Due to Covid one visit has sadly been cancelled,but I live in hope we will meet again.It has been like finding a wonderful big brother.

Hi there.
I was born to older parents and Believe I was the youngest cousin in My generation..I never knew any however I'm having great fun doing My Ancestory...Names I'm studying atm are Butler,Cope ,Wright,Thacker ;Reardon all from Hackney and Holloway areas of London So far .I have been in touch with one whom I share Great Grandparents whos lovely but we havent met.

I only have 3 cousins and the eldest wasn't born until I was 16, so we don't have much in common. The youngest one emigrated a few years ago and apart from birthday and Christmas messages on FB we don't really keep in touch. The middle cousin is a woman roughly the same age as my daughters, so they have more in common with her than I do. If you find just one cousin you can be friends with, Kestrel, then you will be doing better than me!

Never too late! Those of your cousins who are friendly people will already know that contact, communication and shared times are a marvelous gift, and will surely want to pursue this with you. I have lots of cousins and keep in touch with as many as possible. When we do meet we have such a warmth between us - we all have the same grandparents, and our parents are remembered and loved by us all. It's a special relationship - you are one step removed from brothers and sisters with your cousins, and they are too precious to give up on. If you don't get closer to them all, some will be worth the time and effort.

Always kept in touch with 3 sets of cousins few times a year . Then about 4 years ago met up with 2 male cousins, one single, one married. We all meet up once a year in various parts of the uk (London, York, aberystwyth (prior to covid) and I would recommend .