He feels nothing for me

I think he has laid his cards on the table and if you you accept them and stay you are opening yourself open to abuse. He has put you into an intolerable position. I once stayed after such a declaration... ‘ I’m not happy’ the next few years were very painful. When someone decides they don’t love you, often because there is someone else waiting in the wings, it is over and he is showing no mercy. It is easy for us to look on and direct from afar it is a very hard situation be in. If you can find the strength to leave you should. Living with it as it is will harm you. So all strength to you. You are already brave

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are managing this situation, * Joyfulnanna*.

Depression can manifest as numbness, or lack of ability to feel. If he's depressed enough that he's lost his ability to feel, it may be a lot more serious than "nothing that can't be worked through". He may need professional help, meds, etc. And recovery may be very prolonged and/or incomplete.
I suggest talking to him to see if he will get help. It's possible that telling you something like that was his was of asking for help.
I also suggest you get counseling yourself, or read a lot about depression and it's many symptoms online.
It can deeply affect a relationship and learning as much as you can will help you make informed decision on what you think is best.

I agree that someone in the throes of depression might logically know who they love, but one of the symptoms of depression is numbness. An utter lack of feeling - including love.
If he is depressed, he just might not be able to experience the feeling of love at all. It's not uncommon.
He also may be unable to seek help.
Depression is very serious and can deeply affect a relationship.
The OP needs to first see if he will be able to seek help. And get counseling herself to help her understand the manifestations of depression and whether or not she can live with it if he either won't get help, or isn't able to get better - even with help...

Please don’t see it as a failure, it really isn’t ,you were probably influenced , like so many of us into thinking that it is our responsibility to make things work, and our fault if it doesn’t..
Park those thoughts aside, you have done your best, but now it is time to let it go. .... be free & be happy..... it can be done best wishes

That was a strange thing indeed to say Joyfulnana I think you have helped him fit in for long enough now, time to think of yourself.
A word of caution, don't think in terms of another relationship until you have had some time on your own to come to terms with everything. Much better to happy alone than miserable with someone else.

He sounds as though he has issues within himself that only he can fix as he said at the very start of your relationship that he wanted to be in a relationship to fit in, that’s a strange thing to say, and to be would be a big red light! I think I would leave you have been together over 25 years together, with him being honest with you from the start, make a fresh start and good luck x

I don't think so Espee, but I can see thats how it looks. I wonder if it's possible that some men, particularly introverts, don't see the point of relationships unless sex is a big part of it.

Might he have been covering up feelings for his own sex?

He's told me that hes slowly felt less of a man over the years. I know his feelings for me have changed because of how he feels about himself. But I actually know now that when we met, he was at a stage where he wanted to be in a relationship, but not to marry or have children, but only to fit in, that's what he told me. I do appreciate his honesty but now the relationship has broken down, I wonder whether I was actually being used.

Take time and stay with him alone.
give him a huge and starts from the very first day
Ask him first that could he share?
why is he depress then explain to him what are you thinking and what are you wanting
Best wishes

Apologies if someone has already asked this, but has he only just expressed his lack of feeling? If he's always been like that, then I'd say go. If not, what brought it on? I'm not suggesting in any way that it could be your 'fault' but if its new, then something may have caused it. Lockdown maybe? Something else?

Don't stay with him and have a life feeling unloved. My ex used to tell me he didn't love me, wanted a divorce every 3 months, etc and I plucked up the courage and left. I felt worthless, but now I've been 10 years on my own, don't want a replacement and love making my own decisions about things in my life. Please leave him and start a new chapter in your life whether it is alone or maybe with new partner in the future.

Nicegranny

I think it’s a simple thing that when feelings are gone it’s done. I don’t believe that they come back.
Look after yourself and go forward. Life has so much to offer and if you’re a go getter the world is your oyster.

I don't think he will go to counselling again. It didn't work before, only brought out intense feelings of hopelessness in him. Yes it's clear it's age related depression but he won't exercise or take medication. So unless he wants to find a solution or have a plan of action, I'm going to be in limbo. I'm know what I need to enjoy my future and will go after it.. Otherwise I am sure I will die inside.

I hope you have the courage to leave, he’s told you how he feels, you must do what you feel is right for you, I know I couldn’t live like that with a husband saying he didn’t love me, you have stated you don’t want to live the rest of your life with someone that won’t even hold you, I think you would be happier apart

Joyfulnana, If he has ED he may not want to admit it so avoids getting into any kind of physical relationship with you and tells you he doesn’t love you. From what you have said his family don’t seem to show much emotion anyway so he is trying to normalise the situation. This is fine if both of you want less of the physical side but if one doesn’t it isn’t and you will get resentful.

He says he doesn’t want you to leave. If he doesn’t he needs to be more open with you. If it’s ED he can get help - plenty of adverts these days even one on TV the other day. No need for him to be scared or defensive. If it’s depression he can get help. I’m inclined to agree with Paddianne about sickness and in health etc but life isn’t always that simple. My dd recently divorced her alcoholic husband after giving him many chances. At the end of the day if you oh doesn’t want to change he won’t. Sit down and talk to him about your needs. He is not being fair. You must decide what’s best for you. Perhaps you could split the house and live separate lives therein as brother and sister with you free to enter into other relationships. Should a special one come along you are out of there. See what he has to say to that.

Jenny, I’m sure you are correct that some men get depressed and it makes then difficult to live with, it happens to women as well. The challenge is getting them to accept therapy and admit their failings, their ego prevents any kind of compromise .

Every problem must have some solutions, and sometimes we must need expert opinions and advice. I got married 23 years ago, and we have 3 adorable kids. Around 3 years ago, I noticed some changes in my husband's attitude towards me. His affection towards his kids had not changed, but he has shown aggressive behavior towards me.I became an asthma patient after my second delivery, and he didn't even consider my illness. I was really upset and thought about leaving him.But as a mother, I have to consider my children. They are attached to their father. So I decided to take him for counselling as a last attempt. We met a therapist and went through a 6 week therapy process.My husband had some depression problems that come as part of ageing. He had recovered, and I was delighted that I got my husband back to normal life. So I prefer you to attend a counselling before you make painful decisions.

You expect more interesting conversation with a man than with the cat, plus human needs are more complex and therefore more interesting.
I'd ditch the man if he caused me to feel bad about myself, and made me get rid of the dog.

“More than sex and cuddles”
Yes of course, but sleeping in the same bed and no cuddles is horrible, if you get more affection from the cat why bother.

Feelings of love are not love . Maybe you want to care for him despite his present feelings.
If you do not and never will want to care for him again then you should leave.

There is more than sex and cuddles in a marriage.

Maybe your husband is bad at expressing himself. He may respect you and want your companionship without the physicals. It is not surprising that two people who had sex with each other for many years are in need of a change.

Hi.
Just had another think about this post. It seems like your OH may want you to leave altho if he feels nothing for you why isnt he the one to go? At the moment where can you go anyway - due to covid restrictions? You say that you may have an amicable separation but he's not being very considerate at all by the sound of things.

Harris ?