Gransnet forums

Relationships

Lockdown was a good excuse not to meet up with my sister.

(77 Posts)
Santana Thu 18-Feb-21 11:49:10

My sister is 5 years older than me, and has always been demanding and bossy. My dad died when I was 8, leaving my mum with three girls to bring up, which she did brilliantly, holding us all together like a matriachal elephant.
My sister has had many illnesses throughout her life, so always needed the attention, quite rightly. However this turned into using her health as an excuse to dodge things later in life as my mother needed assistance. I took responsibility for power of attorney through to care homes, and finally funeral. Although I didn't mind doing any of this, the unpleasantness and griping has poured out of my sister for years. The funeral and wake saw some very nasty verbal assaults which really was the final straw for me.
This was 4 years ago, and I have only seen her once, before lockdown.
I was dreading having to face the expected contact when I retired but of course lockdown saved me. I have spoken to her on the phone to check she is ok, and text from time to time, but always me that instigates the contact.
I would appreciate any views from outside looking in please, as I know she is going to expect me to visit eventually. My family all say let her drop, but I have a sense of duty and obligation pulling me.
She has many friends and a son, although she never really comes out of the village.
Do I just suggest neutral ground for lunch with my eldest sister joining us?

Heraandboys123 Sat 03-Apr-21 18:12:03

Today is the anniversary of my little sister's death. We had five years between us. She died suddenly and unexpectedly at 50yo on the operating table. We had been estranged as I was left with all the responsibility for our dying father whilst trying to hold down 3 jobs. I will never get over her death as I wasn't with her in her final months, not knowing those were her final months. Whatever you decide to do please bear in mind that you still have a chance to remedy things. My little sis ( there is a middle one too) was a volatile person who drained me of energy and cash but I'd do anything to see her again, her death has broken me and I'm no nearer to coming to terms with her passing as I was a few years ago. If not for my grandchildren I'd just want out of this world.