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Unhappy relationship

(44 Posts)
Tabby555 Wed 24-Mar-21 15:57:55

In an unhappy relationship but I don't want to be alone.Anyone else out there in similiar situation?It would be good to talk to others in similiar situation.

Tabby555 Wed 24-Mar-21 16:00:54

Anyone else in an unhappy relationship but doesn't want to be alone?I don't know how to sort this.Anyone else in similiar situation who would like to talk? Just feel so miserable and so stuck.

welbeck Wed 24-Mar-21 16:01:13

is it better the devil you know ?
why don't you want to be alone.

Judy54 Wed 24-Mar-21 16:58:09

Yes it must be miserable to feel stuck in an unhappy relationship. I am sure others on here can help if you tell us what is making you feel this way.

Chestnut Wed 24-Mar-21 17:31:56

Well you can't have your cake and eat it. Either you are with someone or you are alone. If you want to find someone else then you will probably have to go it alone until you find Mr Right. You may find you actually enjoy living alone if you have friends and family or can participate in groups and activities. The level of participation depends on you, if you want round the clock companionship then you could get heavily involved with some kind of charity work? Then the time you spend alone will be limited. Meanwhile, you could keep an eye out for Mr Right but don't be disappointed if he doesn't turn up.

notnecessarilywiser Wed 24-Mar-21 17:33:10

My experience was that I felt more alone in an unhappy marriage than I have ever felt in my life. Celebrating the 70th wedding anniversary of a friend's parents made me start thinking "Could I cope with another 45 years of this?" and that spurred my decision, I'm aware, though, that not everyone has the same viewpoint as I.

welbeck Wed 24-Mar-21 17:36:18

the concept of a Mr/Ms Right may not always be helpful.

TrendyNannie6 Wed 24-Mar-21 17:43:43

Lots of us I’m sure have been in your situation one time or another Tabby, lockdown probably not helping either, for me I’d rather be alone than in an unhappy situation, is your partner also unhappy too? A lot depends on whether the real action ship is saveable, why do you not want to be alone? Hope you find a way of getting things sorted , life is too short to be unhappy

TrendyNannie6 Wed 24-Mar-21 17:44:15


vampirequeen Wed 24-Mar-21 17:50:08

It depends on how unhappy you are. I left when I realised that I couldn't live that way for then next 30/40 years. It really had a case of run or suicide. I just knew I had to escape and being alone would be preferable to being with him.

For me living alone wasn't the same as being alone. I gained the freedom to be me and relax in my own home rather than walking on eggshells and waiting for the next confrontation.

Redhead56 Wed 24-Mar-21 18:06:43

I think you could explain a bit more without personal detail what’s your status married etc. It will give someone who maybe able to advise you better and it’s always a good thing to talk.

Lucca Wed 24-Mar-21 18:46:31

Leaving is hard but worth it.I,can honestly say I really like living on my own.
(I realise it’s different if you lose a husband you loved).

Grandmabatty Wed 24-Mar-21 18:51:13

Living alone is not the same as being lonely. I have lived alone for twenty years and have only occasionally felt lonely. What is it you are scared of? Be specific, not just a no-one to talk to. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? Communication is key. If it's gone beyond that, then what's the worse that can happen if you split?

crazyH Wed 24-Mar-21 19:10:05

First of all, what’s making you unhappy? I don’t want to know, but do you know what it is ? Can you and your husband sit down and talk things over and find a solution? If there’s someone else involved, then I’m afraid, you’re on a slippery slope. I know some marriages can survive infidelity. But, believe me, it’s not a nice place to be in. But so is being on your own. However, you can be ‘lonely’ in a relationship. Only you know what you really want.....go for it, whatever it is. Life’s too short..

Tabby555 Wed 24-Mar-21 19:11:08

Sorry if I'm not using this properly.Thank you to all who messaged me with your kind, cosiderate words.I am scared to be by myself self.And to be honest I'm sort of in 2 minds as sometimes he really nice.But other times he can be quite mean.I love him.And we both suffer with depression.He can be quite aggressive verbally to me, but he says he isn't.I just feel so confused.He has nowhere to go if we do part.I just wondered if there is anyone out there in a similiar situation who would maybe like to talk to me.I have no friends.I have social anxiety and am very much on my own.

Tabby555 Wed 24-Mar-21 20:08:02

Hi wellbeck, I am new here and I don't even know if my messages are going through okay.And messages don't seem to even be coming in my in box.If you get this, would you maybe be able to let me know.Very hard to understand how to use.So sorry if that s is my 1nd message to you.

Tangerine Wed 24-Mar-21 22:04:29

How about talking to the Samaritans? They are not just for people contemplating ending their life. They don't offer advice but they do listen.

If you need actual advice, you could ask Citizens Advice about your options.

Tabby555 Wed 24-Mar-21 22:16:25

Hi redhead, I'm scared to be on my own, especially at night.And I am totally dependent on him.Plus, I can't seem to work out how to use this forum.If I could find someone on here to talk to it would be so helpful for me.Someone who is in similiar situation or someone who has been in similiar situation and come through it.

sodapop Thu 25-Mar-21 08:50:54

Sorry Tabby I'm not clear if you mean you are physically dependent on your partner and need help with daily living or he just takes care of everything in your life.
Perhaps you need to start taking small steps towards independence from him as preparation for moving on. As others have said being alone does not equate with loneliness, several of us on GN left long standing relationships to live alone. In my opinion its a mistake to move directly from one relationship to another without time to take stock of your life.

Katie59 Thu 25-Mar-21 09:36:33

Tabby you havn’t really told us why you’re unhappy beyond him being mean, in what way is he mean. It’s difficult for lots of couple with lockdown, not getting out stresses many of us.

Alexa Thu 25-Mar-21 09:41:48

Remember, Tabby, happiness is not the sole property of your unpleasant relation to be dished out to you in dribs and drabs. They may have persuaded you it is but it is not.

Lauren59 Sat 27-Mar-21 22:22:50

Tabby, I lived that life for 25 years. I too was afraid of being alone. Eventually we had grown so distant that we had to split, so I began my single life again in my 50’s. Yes, being alone and bearing all the responsibility for house, bills and so on can be frightening, but the freedom from negativity, judgment, hostility, and cutting remarks was wonderful! None of us can tell you what’s best for you, but you CAN shape a new life if you want it. Ten years later I’m still “alone” but happy and self-reliant.

Nannashirlz Tue 30-Mar-21 11:52:09

I’d rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. My ex hubby used to do that to. Play mind games. Everywhere I went he was with me made me feel like I couldn’t do anything without him. question to ask yourself is could you manage before you married him. Can you see yourself with him for next 20yrs etc. You have come on here so you clearly know it can’t go on. I’m 55 and I’d live alone yes you sometimes get lonely and have needs you can always buy a rabbit lol less hassle 🤣 I did think I couldn’t do it without him in fact it was him that needed me.

geekesse Tue 30-Mar-21 13:02:44

Being alone is not just bearable, it’s good. You are in control of your own life, from little things like when you get up and go to bed to big things like where you live. There’s nothing scary about being alone at night - you lock the doors, feed the cat and choose what to watch on TV, then take up a whole double bed without having to share a duvet. I heartily recommend it.

Tabby555 Tue 30-Mar-21 16:08:06

Thanks for all the very supportive kind replies.Im just so depressed and so confused.I can't recall if I already said but we both suffer from depression.I also have severe social anxiety and chronic fatigue.Thinkng is even too much!I long for friends but I don't even know how to be a friend.