Unhappy relationship

When you feel down, even small things seem to be worse.
Easy to say, but think about the things that go well in your life. take pride in your achievements, in the successes.
You have done well in the past, and you are surviving now.
Count your blessings and be joyful over the good things, even if they seem small.
There are folk who will be tighter for money than you, or have poor health.
If you can spare the time and energy, try to help someone who is less fortunate. That will help to lift your spirits.
Think about the good things in your life, that should give you some cheer

There is light at the end of even the longest tunnel.

Hope that you will soon feel better. Nothing succeeds like success, even small ones.

Tabby, you say nothing about your situation, what age you are, if you have.children , family or friends. No one could offer help knowing so little and they would need experience . What you need is to be referred for counselling, to talk to someone and the first step is your doctor. I am not qualified to help, it’s a specialist field and many factors come into the picture. If neither of you can live financially of the other for example I cannot see how either could leave.

In all honesty, Tabby 555, you have to think about yourself,if you are in an unhappy relationship,it will affect your mental health,

Do get the depression sorted out if you can and also for your DH. You say you do love him and are his bad times down to the depression. I am not sure you are overwhelmingly convinced about leaving. Other friends and I are supporting a dear friend who insisted on leaving her boring, miserable OH only to find after six months he has moved a lady in and is having a high old time, she says she feels more alone than ever. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Your depression- I hope you are under medical care and it is improving.
If not, I would recommend to look for more care for yourself.

Your depression may even improve by not being around your husband.

The loneliest I have felt is in a bad relationship.
Being single =/ loneliness

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Hi Tabby,I have been through very similar situation.You have to go for it while you are young enough.I have been great since leaving 11 years ago,but only you know in your heart of hearts

If you cannot leave for whatever reason try and make a life for yourself without your partner.
It's been said before but start by joining clubs/organizations.
You'll find a U3A organization in your area, they have lots of interest groups, take the plunge you could find an interest that makes life happier for you.
You could do voluntary work, or become a befriender for AgeUK
Start a daily journal, writing down your thoughts can be very uplifting.
You need to see your health care professional with regard to your health issues if you haven't already done this.

What ifs..... I meant

Lots of people can be alone in a relationship or
marriage. I was married once, he was a monster. Never married or lived with anyone since. I am solo but I do not feel alone or lonely. Leaving that b was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes you have to be brave and just go for it. I did, although I had tough times sometimes, it was much better to be free of his nonsense. Life is too short, for what its... and regrets

Another post reported.

Tabby I have been there. You really should see your GP and be open with him/her about the unhappiness you’re experiencing and the reasons for it. You will be helped, everything will be in complete confidence and you will not be judged. Whatever your GP prescribes, it will make you feel stronger and more confident and then you can think more clearly about whether you really want to move on from your marriage or not. I found leaving a miserable marriage after 23 yearsliberating and was so pleased, after having never, ever lived alone to find I could do so many things I thought I couldn’t. Each little success spurred me on. You may also find when you feel better - as I promise you you will - that joining a club that interests you, maybe the WI, maybe something connected with your Church, maybe just offering to help out on a stall at the local fete, you will find you are welcomed and befriended. It’s easy to think when depressed that we just don’t know how to relate to people but you will surprise yourself. You sound a kind but shy person and kindness attracts others. Will your husband see his doctor about his depression? I know it’s not easy to get men to do that but if he won’t, don’t let it stop you from taking that first step. Good luck and do let us know how you get on. By the way ignore the weirdos who post links to inappropriate things. It happens sometimes, it isn’t representative of GN.
Sending you a big hug.

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Tabby555

In an unhappy relationship but I don't want to be alone.Anyone else out there in similiar situation?It would be good to talk to others in similiar situation.

Sorry to hear that you're in an unhappy relationship. It's quite a tricky situation to be in, especially when you love the person and are afraid of being lonely.

But it's important to remember that your mental health is a top priority, and should always try to walk away from situations that make you feel unhappy.

Also, you have to be mindful that unhappy relationships can become toxic, so be careful of this.

Perhaps you could explain to your partner how you feel and find ways to slowly work towards building a happy and healthy relationship.

Here are some tips you may find useful, and to check if you're both ticking the boxes: www.vivastreet.co.uk/blog/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship/

I hope things get better for you x

Gitorelov

Being in an unhappy relationship can be very stressing, but getting out can be even harder. I 've been in a similar situation, so I know what I'm talking about. This article may help you deal with the stress and offer a couple of ways out to potentially find a more loving pair after you take some time to heal. Don't blame yourself for this, as it's one of those unfortunate situations that we all have to deal with.

Do NOT click on the link.

Like Luca I have reported

He / she will be able to support you in the best way possible and possibly prescribe talking therapy - counselling perhaps. I wish you bright horizons , be brave and get professional help before making decisions. Good luck ?

Tabby 555,
I can read how sad and miserable you are. Do hope you have discussed your situation with your doctor?

Gitorelov

Being in an unhappy relationship can be very stressing, but getting out can be even harder. I 've been in a similar situation, so I know what I'm talking about. This article may help you deal with the stress and offer a couple of ways out to potentially find a more loving pair after you take some time to heal. Don't blame yourself for this, as it's one of those unfortunate situations that we all have to deal with.

Reported

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Thanks for all the very supportive kind replies.Im just so depressed and so confused.I can't recall if I already said but we both suffer from depression.I also have severe social anxiety and chronic fatigue.Thinkng is even too much!I long for friends but I don't even know how to be a friend.

Being alone is not just bearable, it’s good. You are in control of your own life, from little things like when you get up and go to bed to big things like where you live. There’s nothing scary about being alone at night - you lock the doors, feed the cat and choose what to watch on TV, then take up a whole double bed without having to share a duvet. I heartily recommend it.

I’d rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. My ex hubby used to do that to. Play mind games. Everywhere I went he was with me made me feel like I couldn’t do anything without him. question to ask yourself is could you manage before you married him. Can you see yourself with him for next 20yrs etc. You have come on here so you clearly know it can’t go on. I’m 55 and I’d live alone yes you sometimes get lonely and have needs you can always buy a rabbit lol less hassle ? I did think I couldn’t do it without him in fact it was him that needed me.

Tabby, I lived that life for 25 years. I too was afraid of being alone. Eventually we had grown so distant that we had to split, so I began my single life again in my 50’s. Yes, being alone and bearing all the responsibility for house, bills and so on can be frightening, but the freedom from negativity, judgment, hostility, and cutting remarks was wonderful! None of us can tell you what’s best for you, but you CAN shape a new life if you want it. Ten years later I’m still “alone” but happy and self-reliant.

Remember, Tabby, happiness is not the sole property of your unpleasant relation to be dished out to you in dribs and drabs. They may have persuaded you it is but it is not.

Tabby you havn’t really told us why you’re unhappy beyond him being mean, in what way is he mean. It’s difficult for lots of couple with lockdown, not getting out stresses many of us.