Hi, can anyone help PLEASE.
My Son in Law who’s nearly 40 is married to my Daughter who’s 35. They have 2 Girls 13 & 10. I’m the only parent & Grandparent that wants to be in their life’s.
The problem is my SIL is rude arrogant not respectful towards me
He says through my Daughter that he can’t forgive or forget I asked what cant he forgive & forget. She said things that happened many years ago!! ??? I had my Daughter at 16 I wasn’t the perfect parent but she never went without anything love food clothes toys quality time. Then when she went to school I went to work & had a good job so she got more & more of what she wanted. She was a awful teenager she hated me was physically abusive towards me she was lot taller & bigger than me. And I was scared of her
At 14 her father started to groom her especially during phone calls putting on porno films & explaining what the big man with the big c**k his words not mine were doing. As soon as she told me I believed her even though she had lied so many times stealing running away with boys she didn’t know. It was an awful time but she always knew I loved her.
I bought a recorder to tape the conversations & played them to her fathers parents & my Mum who were supportive at the time. But the next day his Mum & Dad denied he would do such a thing. They turned all that side of his family against my D for 8 yrs apart from his Aunt & Uncle. So we went to the police who arrested him but for some reason there wasn’t enough evidence & my Daughter didn’t want to stand up in court etc. Then they got incontact which my Daughter thought was because they wanted to makeup for all they had done
Well over the years my Daughter & son in law have visited him & his parents 4 times because she said she was owed apologies etc from them. I didn’t want them to go I certainly didn’t want them to take my Granddaughters I said I thought but I was told to keep
My nose out.
Well none of them have ever said sorry. But my SIL said if his wife wants them back in her life if she can forgive & forget so can he.
But I’m not afforded the same even though I know there is nothing I could of done that was anywhere near as bad as the way they had been treated by her Dad & his parents. I have done everything they have ever asked of me over the 12 years they have been together. I let her husband who was her boyfriend of 3mths at the time move in with us. I was headhunted & moved 250 miles away & he came with us he was in debt I helped pay of the credit cards they lived rent free. My Daughter worked as a legal secretary while he stayed at home playing games. Now they have a council house they both work but managed to get themselves in 45k of debt again. I’m the one who buys my granddaughters their most expensive presents at Christmas & birthdays I treat them all all through the year I give them an allowance every month. Because they are no longer to have credit they are on a government scheme which has dramatically reduced their debt ( my Daughter did initially ask me for the money) I think that’s the first time I said no.
Now things are getting bad with my Daughter because she said he has to take his time to forgive me ( I still don’t know what Iv done) but I said you were both willing to have your father & his parents in your & your Daughters life’s if you had got an explanation & apology. But he won’t forgive me & we had an awful time during your teenage years & we have the odd disagreement so nothing can be compared to your Dad grooming you & nearly the whole large group of his family turning their backs on you for 8 yrs. How is that fair.
My Daughter said if I bring up her Dad & his family again she will stop seeing me & stop my Granddaughters from seeing me too.
PLEASE DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m only allowed to see my Daughter & Granddaughters 2 times a month xx
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