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Walking on Eggshells

(143 Posts)
Sue110 Tue 30-Mar-21 00:07:36

I’ve been tiptoeing around my husbands moods for 16 years & was wondering if anyone else is dealing with this kind of personality? Some examples...
If I say something he doesn’t like he blanks me for days at a time. Or I may say something he doesn’t agree with he flies into a verbally explosive rage at me. If I’ve annoyed him & we are with friends, he blanks me whilst chatting to them as if everything’s ok. At other times he is often kind & pleasant. I never know where I stand with him. I’m 65 & am at the point of leaving... this is a huge decision as I’m now retired... but I feel I deserve more... there is so much more I could tell you...

Esspee Tue 30-Mar-21 00:20:30

I think leaving would be the healthiest thing to do. Enjoy the rest of your life without the stress you are under at the moment. Good luck.

CafeAuLait Tue 30-Mar-21 00:33:42

I agree with Esspee.

Buffybee Tue 30-Mar-21 00:48:30

Don’t put up with this mental abuse any more.
See a solicitor without him knowing and make sure you have details of any bank accounts etc he has or anything else financial and then leave and start divorce proceedings.
I’d rather be chained to the devil than live with someone like this.
Just who does he think he is?

Sue110 Tue 30-Mar-21 00:54:43

Thank you

Hithere Tue 30-Mar-21 01:36:52

You are in a abusive relationship.
Leave and dont look back

Helena61 Tue 30-Mar-21 01:39:25

I had an abusive husband so after 24 years of marriage I left
Sadly though this ruined my relationship with my oldest adult child

Nicegranny Tue 30-Mar-21 01:55:40

I feel very sorry for you Sue
It’s not nice to be treated as if you don’t exist and ignored. Surely you must feel really downtrodden after 16 years of this treatment?
I decided years ago (15) to remain single after I separated from my ex and I’m not very tolerant of men with bad behaviour and habits.
l wouldn’t put up with it and be treated so disrespectfully.
You do deserve better!

welbeck Tue 30-Mar-21 02:24:53

why would you stay ?

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 30-Mar-21 02:53:09

You’re right, you deserve more, it sounds as though he will never change, don’t put up with it any longer.

sodapop Tue 30-Mar-21 09:09:23

After 16 years of this Sue its more than time to call it a day. Have you ever confronted him about his behaviour?
Find out how you stand financially etc and get some legal advice if necessary. It will be hard but the end result with peace of mind will be worth it. Good luck.

Smileless2012 Tue 30-Mar-21 09:15:32

Take some time to look at your joint finances and then get some advice as to what you can expect to get if you divorce Sue.

In a situation like this, knowledge is power and by having all the information you need, you'll be able to make an informed decision.

It's a lot more than money of course, your happiness and well being are priceless and ultimately those need to take priority.

Good luckflowers.

timetogo2016 Tue 30-Mar-21 09:16:04

I walked away from a marriage after 32 years Sue110 and NEVER looked back.
And ironically my sons said i should have done so earlier than i did.

recklessgran Tue 30-Mar-21 09:20:16

Gosh you poor lady - you get less for murder! I think you know that for your own sanity you have to leave. Take your time planning your escape to ensure the best possible outcome for your future security. Do you have any support in real life - adult children or close friends? I'd start off with legal advice and a leaving plan. Everyone deserves to be happy OP so be kind to yourself from now on and stop pampering to him and his tantrums. Good luck OP you CAN do this. Hugs and flowers to you.

Katie59 Tue 30-Mar-21 09:38:12

I suffered that for 10 yrs then left him, best thing I ever did, because I quickly found a man who’s does care for me. A big leap into the unknown, make sure you have a plan and some cash to see you through the first few months. Because it can easily take a year to get paid out

Shinamae Tue 30-Mar-21 09:43:27

Please leave!

Sago Tue 30-Mar-21 10:12:34

Make sure the next chapter of your life is happy.
Good luck.

Redhead56 Tue 30-Mar-21 10:29:54

I didn’t realise what I was getting into with my first husband. I should have known my dad refused to go to the wedding. He was a control freak and possessive with me I couldn’t see it.
I was spending a lot of time on my own too much time and when he was home he was a stranger. Because he didn’t want to be with us he was living a double life.
I had a three year old son and baby daughter life was very difficult. I knew I had to do something about it. I won’t go into detail but it was a nightmare of an existence with the new addition of physical abuse.
You do need legal advice and the finances in order. The last thing you need on top of separation are money worries. You get one life nobody can change it but you so be strong.

Alexa Tue 30-Mar-21 10:30:49

In what ways do you owe anything to your husband? Do you owe him psychological care? Moneys? Housekeeping?

In fairness to him you should give him a clear ultimatum before you leave him.

To accomplish the ultimatum consult a lawyer

1. To ask the lawyer to find out where you stand

2. To ask lawyer to compose and deliver the ultimatum to your husband.

If you choose to do 2. you might feel better if you are living safely apart from your husband when ultimatum arrives on his desk.

Try to find at least one friend or relation to confide in and support you at this difficult time. Above all do believe your feelings are normal and many grans here will support you.

Sue110 Tue 30-Mar-21 10:31:15

Thank you for your kindness & support everyone, it’s very much appreciated

crazygranny Tue 30-Mar-21 10:37:54

I can add nothing to the advice already given.
Sending lots of love and healing thoughts to you.
Money has been hideous but I have never been happier in my entire adult life since the split. I was only a little younger than you.

Cantakethegirl Tue 30-Mar-21 10:39:54

Don’t honk things will change, unfortunately. Fwiw I ve always been frightened of living in my own. I m 66! Am really enjoying it. Wish you all the very best.

dawnwise1 Tue 30-Mar-21 10:40:40

Hi - this sounds very similar to my husband over the years and we have been married for 35 years. You didn't mention if you had any children ??

Cantakethegirl Tue 30-Mar-21 10:40:41

Should be think not honk!

dawnwise1 Tue 30-Mar-21 10:42:03

Do you still love him ?