Grandparenting at a distance

First of all, grandparenting is not a competition !
From my own experience, when I was growing up, we lived next door to one grandmother until I was 10 and then we moved to elsewhere, same village, about 10 minutes walk away, so I still saw Nan most days.
My other grandparents lived in a town 16 miles away (which back then might as well have been 50!) so I only saw them once a month or so, until my uncle passed his driving test and he could drive them over.
I didn't love them any less than my "next door" nan. Whenever we did go to see them (one time on a steam train just before Beeching's cuts!) it was always special. My grandmother used to bake her amazing flapjacks and we always had a special tea. As I got older, I used to go and stay with my grandmother for a week during the summer holidays. Special memories .
It was definitely the quality, not the quantity and what I learnt from both sides, that are still with me today.

My DDil is in the 1%. The two families have melded into one and each describes the other as part of the family.

We have 4 Grandchildren all living local to us. We also have 3 Sons and 3 daughter in laws......they all choose their parents and Sisters over us for any childcare. All the D.I.L's work. We have never had a problem with our DIL's and always get on well......unfortunately I dont think distance is an issue with childcare......DIL's will always 99% of the time choose their own Familys......its really sad..?

We have the same as DILs mum lives 2 streets away. DGS has a good bond with us but DGD who is younger is much closer to her other granny.

We see our grandson every three weeks , yep a schedule. We see him and his.parents (our son and daughter in law) for approximately two hours every three weeks
The other grandparents see so much more of him as they live basically around the corner . With covid I don't even have my fortnightly lunch with my son. Havnt had that since beginning of September
However last Saturday was our jaunt ...and grandson was chatting away.
"Where does daddy sit" big giggles from grandson "on the ground "
Where does poppy sit Note poppy was sitting in the designated chair
Where does nanny sit . Note Nanny wasn't sitting in her usual chair
For my husband and I , our grandson pointed and said where we sit. Funnily enough I wasn't sitting where I normally sit as grandson had been driving his pedal car around the dining room

So I suppose what I am trying to say is....they do know us and do remember us even with a two year old and infrequent visits

SueJW2106 Relax, and do not 'try' to be anything. We live 200 miles from DS and family. DDiL's mother lives a 10 minute drive away.

We have just been ourselves, accepted the distance, enjoyed our grandchildren when we see them and are close to both.

For us, the benefits have been that because of the distance when we meet up it is usually for several days, Over Christmas and Easter, it can be a week. We also love our DDil dearly. DS was lucky to attract the love of such a lovely person and that of course makes a big difference

MollyR

It would be best if you open your own thread.

OP
Please do not make it a grandparent competition, even unconsciously with your actions.

It will all work out

Some advice please. My eldest son daughter in law and 3 grandchildren live over 3 hours drive away. Very near dilaw’s parents. I always had a good relationship with my son and I thought my dinlaw. Sine the grandchildren were born I am never invited to visit - I have to ask when it’s convenient snd normally it’s every six weeks and only overnight. I never intrude, interfere only offer help. I have never had my grandchildren to stay - they are now 11, 8 and 7. They are the only family I hsve. I lost my husband, I hsve a daughter with mental health problems in prison who is very violent - she had 4 children who were taken away and adopted outside the family, so I lost 4 grandchildren. So my son and family are so important to me. I have said I’d like to move nearer to them snd thus seems to fill them with horror! I am very sociable and independent and would have to make new friends. I sm so unhappy. I hsve tried discussing it but he says he worried I will be lonely and think I would see a lot more if them but they are so budy snd like their own space / yet spends such a lot of time, holidays etc with the in-laws. What should I do?

Spot on dragonfly46.
Great advice for sure.

It is all about quality not quantity.
When you do see you DGC make it special. Show them you love them and care for them.
Children can never have too many people loving them.
We are in the same position and I feel our GC care just as much for us as they do the other GP.