Moving on - should I feel guilty?

He is responsible for managing his diabetes, not you, it’s just another way of controlling you. I would make a list of all of your joint assets, including bank accounts, pension etc and seek legal advice to , as this information will help with any divorce proceedings.
Contact woman’s aid and citizens advice.
If he won’t leave you alone yo7 may need a protective order and make all contact through solicitors, do not stay until the house is sold

I too have been there and heard the same spiel about being unable to afford for us to live apart. Then right on the 40 years he met someone ‘compatible’, bought an apartment and told me to sell up and move somewhere smaller. I doubt the new relationship lasted unless she was desperate, but the peace and the freedom it brought me has been priceless.
Don’t put up with the bullying and unhappiness.
I have type 1 too by the way and it’s hard to manage but doesn’t take two to prick a finger and inject the insulin!

Wishing you all the very best.

Leave and enjoy the rest of your life. Your husband is at least a bully and at worst a narcissist, and won't change.

MerylStreep Oh thank you for that. I did wonder if it’s not a bit underhand, but if I tell him he will start to close everything down and move money.

geekesse I shall organise that. A great idea.

Tanjamaltija Your last sentence has given me hope!

I was living your life and 11 years ago I left him. He was exactly like yours, full of apologies every time he bullied me. I always said I was putting on his gravestone " I'm sorry I'll never do it again" cos I heard it so often.
Please leave him, please. Don't put up with it any longer, he's not worth it. It was the best thing I did and I've got my life back, no more controlling what I do. I'm on my own, never even tried to have another relationship. I've a dog, my friends and sister, I don't need a man in my life.
Get out and enjoy your life, one shot at it, leave him please.

This is coercive control. Controlling what you spend who you talk to where you go silent treatment etc. It is abuse.
I hope you do leave and find a happier life
All the best xxx

If the house is in both names even if you leave now you will be entitled to your share and it can't be sold without your approval (in case he wants to let it go at a greatly reduced price to spite you). Think you are entitled to have some happiness in your life now so leave. He should be able to manage his diabetes - he seems to manage everything else including you.

I left my husband and walked out having thankfully, met someone else. It was only afterwards that I realised how controlling my first husband had been, right from the very beginning. I was told clothes didn't suit me, I couldn't sing and I can! Not allowed to watch things like Friends on the TV because he didn't like it. I left school early because of him and wasted 23 years of my life. Leave and let him find another woman. Mine did and she's welcome to him.

It is not your fault he has diabetes, and it is not your fault he is nasty. He has no right to see your bank account and check expenses, if it is not a joint account and you are spending the money of both of you as if there were no tomorrow. If the house belongs to you both, he has no right to put it p for sale without your signature. Check all we have said with a lawyer. He thinks you are helpless, because heaven knows, he has tried to make you so. You aren't.

For the short term a small storage unit might be the answer. You could move a few things out by car saying you are going to a charity shot or the tip.

my intention is to leave without telling him etc
Absolutely ??????

Madgran77 I have been looking at accommodation and have decided to stay in an Airbnb for a few weeks until I find a suitable place to live.
Unfortunately there is no one nearby whom I feel I can confide in. Has anyone any suggestions on where I can store some of my things beforehand? My husband rarely leaves the house except to occasionally go for a 30 minute walk, so organising a removal van is going to be impossible.

My intention is to just leave without telling him, and ask my solicitor to send him divorce papers.
Is this a good idea?

His controlling behaviour is why you are struggling to see the wood for the trees. Demanding to see bank statements, querying every transaction, accusations, cutting you off from friends ...this is coercive control and you are SO brave to be managing to consider leaving, to have consulted a solicitor, to have got yourself a counsellor.

Now you have to take the next big step ...is there a friend you can confide in, stay with, support you in moving maybe? You need support to break away from coercive control ...you are doing so well to have got this far in the process, now prepare yourself for the next step and take it.

Walkandtalk no you shouldn't feel guilty and yes you should move on and find a better life.

Walkandtalk so you've actually done it before, but ended up going back.
So you know you can do it, this time you need to hold your nerve. A good friend to support you when you waver, in real life or on here, will help massively I'm sure.

What incredibly brave stories to read. I'm full of admiration for you all.

The time has come to plan your escape. Get legal advice if there is property and money involved. Find somewhere to live. Take a small property on a six month or 12 month lease. This gives you some breathing space. It's surprising how little stuff you need to be happy.

Set your date and leave. Escaping from an abusive, controlling bully was the best thing I ever did. I left with nothing but it was so worth it.

Him being a diabetic shouldn’t make any difference to your resolve to leave. You’re his wife, not his carer. I dont know how you’ve put up with this for forty years but I wouldn’t do so for a minute longer. Making the decision to leave and then following through will be very freeing for you and will hopefully make you realise that you’re stronger than you think. Certainly strong enough to make sure that the division of assets is fair. Good luck

I wish you well in your new life free from the stresses he caused you. You won’t regret it.

Chin up, it’s sounds like you have made your decision. The very best of luck....you can do it!

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and advice.

JaneJudge No I haven’t posted about this before , though I admit it probably seems a very familiar story. I shall contact Women’s Aid.

madeleine45 Thank you so much for your advice and taking the time to write such a detailed response. Could I PM you as there are a few things I’d like to ask?

I know my husband will make it very difficult for me, regarding finances and my responsibilities for selling the house.
I have to be brave, and it’s not easy to leave, but as sodapop says it’s probably worse thinking about it and worrying than actually doing it.
Last time I tried to leave I even rented an apartment for 6 months, but after 6 weeks went back, because he was so upset and promised things would be better.

You have given 40 years to this man and the marriage. Leave a nnd build your life again. If* JaneJudge* is right in you posting before, please take her wise advise.

I've been in your position of being on the verge. I finally did go and you cope. Better than you will ever imagine. Take care.

www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw6-SDBhCMARIsAGbI7UhyLsFKzybFnRolfDzpdi657kwDF1bEVLk3wOJ15a9BMf8f02Ri6T4aArwVEALw_wcB

You have posted about this before haven't you? You need to ring women's aid. We can't help you be safe, you need to seek that out with someone who can protect you to a certain extent.

Sit down and ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life. It sounds an unhappy life to me. It is perfectly possible to start a new life; I did it, and lots of other women.
It may not be easy, but look upon it as a challenge.
There is good advice in the posts above.
Sending you good wishes for your future.

Please leave and have a contented life, Madeleine45 your advice is spot on, every controlled abused wife/husband should have a copy of this tucked away to refer to when the decision is made. ?? for you both