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Everyone 'too busy' or is ti me?

(64 Posts)
MollyAA12 Sat 17-Apr-21 18:18:58

Is it me? I am getting so tired of people saying 'I am so busy' and not finding time just to phone you. Everyone seems to be 'chasing their tail' and rushing around doing things.
I know people who, when things are normal, say that they will look in their diaries to see if they can see you.

One friend (who I no longer contact) volunteers at a cathedral and will say 'Oh I can see you for 3/4 hour in the Cathedral cafe' Alternatively she will see you and then stand up and say 'Oh I must go, off to the Book Club etc.'

I have now reached the stage where I do not really phone many people because I am tired of the refrain 'I am so busy'
I never outstay my welcome metaphorically but a lot of people like to give the impression that they are in deamand and ever so busy.

I aksed one lady if she was enjoying her retirement. 'Yes' she said 'I am VERY busy',

Does anyone enjoy a leisurely time any more?

Sara1954 Sat 17-Apr-21 18:23:25

I’m not retired, but I sympathise with your friends. I don’t feel like I’ve got any leisure time at all. I feel guilty about neglecting some of my friends, and feel I’ve let some down, but there are only so many hours in a day sadly.

keepingquiet Sat 17-Apr-21 18:28:58

I'm not busy. I'm bored out of my brain. We could make a club?

kircubbin2000 Sat 17-Apr-21 18:41:51

I don't know what all these people are doing. I know some can't bear to be alone in the house and can't sit down with a book. Oh I never watch tv they say, I haven't time.
One friend can only phone me when her husband is busy or out, joined at the hip.

EllanVannin Sat 17-Apr-21 19:29:49

This has baffled me for long enough now too. It's as though nobody has any time for you or anyone else come to think about it.
I'm aware that time does fly and seems to do so at break-neck speed for reasons unknown.
Everything's done by appointment, or timed visits.

There'd have been a time when I'd have felt quite despondent but have learnt to live with the fact that there's no such thing as a leisurely couple of hours chat with anyone because they're " too busy ".

Admittedly these lockdowns haven't helped those of us who do have time on our hands, particularly if you're on your own, but then again I appreciate those who still have families or elderly parents to see to as it's difficult for them to break off what they're doing. They haven't got the same freedom either.

However I do get your meaning about everyone being in a hurry all the time . I don't bother with anyone really and the neighbour only nails me when it suits her if she's either waiting for a delivery or a call on her phone. I feel like a bloomin' convenience grin I'd love to turn round and say " sorry, can't talk, I'm too busy ", but I'm not made that way.

I could end up like Diana in " Waiting for God ". grin Who knows ?

I like undivided attention and not someone who'll fit me in, in between meetings/ appointments etc. at their convenience.

Redhead56 Sat 17-Apr-21 21:09:44

If I get that type of vibe from someone they don’t get my attention again. As for looking in diaries to see if they have time to fit you in I would happily tell them where to stick them.

Doodledog Sat 17-Apr-21 21:15:10

Looking in a diary to make sure that someone is not double booked is only manners, surely? If they didn't, there could be a situation where one or other appointment has to be cancelled, which would be bad manners, IMO.

Savvy Sat 17-Apr-21 21:24:15

I have the same issue, I live alone, rarely got out even before lockdown due to disability, and I can count on one hand the number of phonecalls I've has from friends in the last 12 months. Calls I make to them are rarely answered.

I feel like the forgotten toy in the back of the cupboard.

Savvy Sat 17-Apr-21 21:25:08

Had not has.

Gitorelov Tue 27-Apr-21 04:07:13

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GlamGran60 Tue 27-Apr-21 04:39:20

I love being busy, sorry. But it doesn't mean that I can't see my friends. In fact that's one of the reasons I'm busy. I am retired. I do a little consultancy, I am a Governor at a local college, a trustee of a charity, I swim, do yoga, walk the dog, am writing a children's story, look after my grandson. I try to do as many things with friends as possible, meet up for a walk or a swim etc. I love it all! Life is for packing experience into whenever you can.
As for the diary, yes, I keep an electronic diary. If I didn't I wouldn't remember that Jacqui had said 11 for our walk tomorrow.
Perhaps the issue is our understanding and expectations of the word busy? In the OPs post she sees that anyone using the word is telling her that they don't have time for her. It could be that like me, they genuinely love being active and busy. Next time someone says this MollyAA12, try to avoid thinking that you are being given the brush off! They might just be a plate-spinner! Grab that 3/4 of an hour and make sure your friend has a coffee break that day!

Kim19 Tue 27-Apr-21 05:59:55

My pal goes through every new diary and randomly puts a score through one different day every week. These are days she keeps free no matter what is on offer. This is for the purpose of unwinding/recharging. I find that a bit excessive but it seems to work for her. I don't mind being busy but really dislike last minute arrangements and only indulge them if some sort of minor emergency has taken place.

Lucca Tue 27-Apr-21 06:30:42

I think super busy people are sometimes very insensitive to someone who doesn’t have much going on in their life. It can sound very smug ‘ oh I’m so busy ....rushed off my meal....”

JackyB Tue 27-Apr-21 09:46:03

It's not clear if the people MollyAA12 in the OP is talking about are retired or working. Speaking for myself, since I retired and certainly since lock down, I do find myself increasingly going through all the things I have to do and clogging my thoughts up with plans. I don't let that stop me from willingly dropping everything for a phone call or meeting someone (when it's allowed) but I can imagine some people might.

JenniferEccles Tue 27-Apr-21 17:11:16

I think being SO busy is seen as a kind of one upmanship for some people. Maybe they think it makes them sound important or popular.

My husband always maintains we find time for people we want to find time for.

Having said that there are only a certain number of hours in a day to fit in what needs to be done, but some people do seem to take delight in telling everyone just how busy, busy they are.

3nanny6 Tue 27-Apr-21 17:25:16

Once I get the vibe from someone that they are fitting me in
just to fill three quarters of an hour as they have got things to do then that is when I let them have the brush-off. People seem to do it to let others know how busy they are and it makes them feel important. I have recently helped an extended family member with organizing a house move some days I really had better things to do but I am not the type to part do something. The move went well but in the last month most contact from this person has been minimal to say the least and when I phoned them a few days ago I was told "Oh sorry really busy I will call you" I am not made that way but next time they call me I will be saying I must dash I am busy I do not like being used then cast aside.

polomint Tue 27-Apr-21 18:38:38

Such a shame really not to make time for friends. There is a saying that ask a busy person to do something and they will. I presume it means that they can always make time and as someone says previously, if you really want to see someone, you will manage somehow. Sad, but if they don't make time for you I would just forget about them. It is hurtful though

Nannagarra Tue 27-Apr-21 19:09:08

They sound full of their own self importance and not worthy of your friendship. Forget about them.

Alioop Thu 29-Apr-21 10:49:44

I was promised by a friend that when her husband retired it would not affect us, we will still have our days out, walks, etc every week cos she would be glad to get away from him for a while. It hasn't happened, she never really bothers anymore, she phones me, but that's it. I know with Covid, etc this past year it would of been hard to catch up but this was even before the pandemic. She's constantly sending pics of them out, where they are, what they are eating, etc.
I haven't saw another one since December. I've messaged her and she promises to phone for a chat or call to see me, cos when I call at hers she's never in, but she never bothers. I know people are busy, but these two 'friends' are retired like myself. I live alone and it would be lovely to see them, even for a walk, friendship works both ways.

Oofy Thu 29-Apr-21 10:55:51

It may be a matter of timing. I have a good friend, to whom I will happily chat on the phone for an hour, but she has a tendency to call in the early evening when I am preparing dinner, and it really isn’t convenient. I wouldn’t brush her off , but trying to stir a pan and peel veg while juggling a phone on speaker isn’t ideal. We also have a neighbour who seems to pop round for a cuppa and a chat just when I have to leave to pick up the DGC from school. Some things can’t be put off!

optimist Thu 29-Apr-21 11:08:05

I ask friends/family to text me first saying that they would like to phone for a chat and checking what time is convenient. If the phone rings at an inconvenient time (without checking) I dont answer.

NanaPlenty Thu 29-Apr-21 11:08:29

Lucca I think you are right about insensitivity. Since retiring I often wish I had a friend to see and I do but they are often ‘too busy’ - if you are having a down day this can feel very personal when it often isn’t meant that way. I think life has changed a great deal in recent years and that people also have different expectations of friendship.

Alis52 Thu 29-Apr-21 11:11:39

Sometimes I’m very busy not doing anything at all and being by myself. I even block out chunks of time in my diary to make sure I get enough solitude and to give me space to recharge between social interactions. Some people carefully screen their contact time with others in order to survive mentally. Obviously I don’t generally tell people this unless I know them very well. For me it’s an essential but not everyone appreciates this!

Shropshirelass Thu 29-Apr-21 11:26:25

I am retired and busy! Looking after elderly relatives and a carer for my chronically ill DH but I always meet my friends when it is possible and have time for them, I never say that I have to go off somewhere else. I enjoy my coffee or two and even more I enjoy my friend’s company. I struggle for time to myself but that is just the way it is.

jenpax Thu 29-Apr-21 11:27:26

I am busy! I cant help it, I am not near retirement age and am working, I help daily and for substantial periods with 6 small grandchildren and my 3 DD one of whom is doing a demanding job and the other two are fitting in university courses too. I am probably guilty of booking time with friends as the OP has mentioned but its worth remembering that for lots of
Us busy isn't really a choice!