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Going quite mad

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Cossy Sun 18-Apr-21 19:01:57

I just don’t know what to do. I’m 62 and still working full time. I’m working at home at the moment.

There are currently 6 adults living in our house. My husband, retired early due to ill health (heart condition), me, 3 adult children, youngest 19 due to leave college. Two other adult working children and one of their partners. We have a mid terrace with four bedrooms but it is quite roomy, so enough space for us all.

My husband and I have been married for 25 years and it’s not been great, I care deeply about him, he was a drinker for many years, quite bad tempered and has had at least one affair.

I have a widowed elderly mum who lives in her own home still very close by.

My problem, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control and constantly literally visualise living alone! Completely alone !

I feel so selfish as I have many friends, our children help out quite a bit and so long as I ask, my husband will do whatever he is able to.

I also have multiple medical issues, including IBS, Diverticular disease and ME. Some days I’m fine, sometimes I’m barely able to function, I look fine, I’ve also recently during lockdown put on masses of weight, and I wasn’t thin before, I’m really depressed and have recently been diagnosed with arthritis, I’m in pain most days.

I feel like I’m going insane !

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MagicWriter2016 Fri 23-Apr-21 12:54:25

Hi Cossy,
I bet you have been one of these folk who put everyone else’s needs before your own. Sadly, you then get took advantage of.

If you are not considering leaving your hubby and just generally want to be able to have a bit of me time and/or have someone look after you occasionally then the idea of getting a lovely shed/summerhouse that is exclusively for your use, that’s a brilliant idea. Also, having a sort of family meeting where you can be honest and say you are finding it hard to cope and would appreciate more help. Then between you all, maybe excluding hubby if you think he might poo poo it all, make up a rota together. Some folk might enjoy cooking, but hate the idea of cleaning and vice versa.

I think the idea of using your elderly mothers home as an escape route ie using one of her spare rooms as your office/den, is not a good idea. I don’t know how fit and well your mother is, but you could end up running after her while you were there, providing cups of tea, preparing lunch/tea and so on.

But you are definitely not going mad, you have so much on your plate at the moment, give yourself a big pat on the back for coping so well. Many would have ran for the hills a long while ago.

Take care and let us know how you get on. You are not alone xx

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