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h/b doesn't like my baking...

(23 Posts)
spabbygirl Wed 21-Apr-21 15:52:19

I've always tried to eat healthily and recently started trying to make sourdough bread, this is especially because I've been recently diagnosed with diverticulitis & dr's recommend everything wholemeal. I've had loads of failues with sourdough because I use wholemeal freshly milled (I have a mill) flour. I did make some nice Yorkshire Parkin a while ago. But about 3 weeks ago my husband said he didn't like my baking and I was devastated, I still am though I know that is depression. To me it means he never wants to eat any baking I make even if it comes out ok (eventually) & I just feel awful about it. I thought I'd give up work (again for health reasons) & there are loads of things I can't do cos of disabled feet & hands but bread making I can manage, though my bakes ever since have been grim. Andy just wants to eat white flour cakes & gets them from the supermarket, I just feel so low that the one thing I thought I could do in time, is not wanted. My 22yrs old daughter home from uni feels like Andy does too. am I overreacting? Is depression getting the better of me? All I want to do is sit in a chair & cry

Blossoming Wed 21-Apr-21 16:45:21

I don’t wish to sound harsh, or rude, but you’ve said above that your bakes are now grim, Your family are just being truthful and don’t want to eat something unappetising. I understand that your depression isn’t helping, but maybe you could compromise on the baking by baking a cake your husband will like once a week, while practicing with healthier baking. I have to be extremely careful with eating, white flour can only ever be an occasional treat for me. Do you use Pinterest? Some great healthy recipes and hints on there. I’m rubbish at baking, but I’m the slow cooker Queen so Mr. B puts up with me 😄

Polarbear2 Wed 21-Apr-21 16:48:48

I do think this is depression and you’re fastening your baking into it as a reason. I’d suggest you get some help from your GP. I have to say though your OH and DD sound a little cruel. There are nicer ways of dealing with this. Good luck.

Emily49 Wed 21-Apr-21 17:10:46

I have to say your husband and daughter don’t sound very caring. Maybe your baking isn’t the best, but you are trying. Perhaps one or both of them could try baking - you’re not their servant! If you have depression (because of ill health?), an inappropriate (thoughtless) comment can seem devastating. You could - and should - get help with your depression, but, equally, I think your family should treat you better.

Elegran Wed 21-Apr-21 17:10:47

Do they themselves bake? If not get them started ASAP. When their first efforts are uneatable, tell them not to worry, they will improve with practice, as you have done with the things you are familiar with, the ones they like.

Add that you are getting better all the time with the new things you are trying, but you hope that perhaps they will be soon be more successful at those than you are, so then you can eat what they have have made instead of doing all the work.

MerylStreep Wed 21-Apr-21 17:17:10

Have you had a colonoscopy to determine that it is diverticulitis?
I’ve had the condition for about 15 years. Generally speaking you have to find your own ‘triggers’ mine is seeds and pips.
What did help was going on a course of Simprove.

Bluebellwould Wed 21-Apr-21 17:25:10

I have had diverticulitis for a long time and have been hospitalised with it numerous times. I hope that doesn’t worry you but I am trying to say that I’m now an ‘expert’ in controlling it. All the consultants and doctors I have seen no one has advised me to eat whole meal bread. Indeed I find that anything made with flour makes my diverticulitis worse. I think what the doctor is trying to say is eat more fibre. This makes your bowels work better and it’s easier to go to the loo. Straining to pass a bowel movement hurts.
I was advised to use Fybogel or other fibre drinks. This helps things move through quicker and easier. Also a probiotic helps me too.
If you want to private message me I would be more than happy to chat with you about diverticulitis. Hope this helps.

spabbygirl Wed 21-Apr-21 19:22:01

Thanks all, that is really helpful, I've never been a good cook but I do try. I think family were less than supportive but I also see that I am depressed and feeling low. They jolly well ought to cook themselves if that's what they want to eat, I don't want to cook fry ups every evening & buy white flour cakes. If we go to somewhere trendy like Bristol I bet they'll eat it in a cafe. Yes I sort of know its diverticulitis, I had a crippling tummy pain about 18 months ago, GP sent me to hosp & a surgeon said it was diverticulitis gave me antibiotics and it went, ditto about 9 months later, but I've never had any tests but the antibiotics do work, so I guess they're right. Yes it is to eat more fibre the dr's advise, but isn't that wholemeal rather than white bread/flour? I like eating wholemeal & salads etc. I might message you bluebellwould, I hadn't thought of personal triggers but I did feel poorly after eating 4 chocolate biscuits the other day, could be just gluttony though

Elegran Wed 21-Apr-21 20:28:06

There is fibre in lots of food, as well as the obvious stuff in wholemeal flour. All fruit and vegetables, for example, and beans, and sultanas and other dried fruit. Peas (surprisingly) have a lot. White bread has fibre too, but not as coarse a wholemeal. You should drink plenty of water.

The Mayo clinic has a temporary diverticulitis diet for when it is causing trouble - www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/diverticulitis-diet/art-20048499# and you need to cut down on the fibre.

welbeck Wed 21-Apr-21 23:10:49

but i don't understand why any of you have to do baking at all.
why can't you just buy the kind of foods you like, and DH and DD can buy what they like.
i don't see why it should be a point of conflict.
perhaps you like trying to do baking, for an interest, and that's fine, but if they don't like the items that suit you, surely you don't want them to pretend to, just to humour you.
i would find that patronising.
i think you are feeling a bit down and things have got mixed up.
have you had an actual medical diagnosis. if not, maybe contact GP and discuss further.
many people with bowel problems have to avoid wheat.
have they checked for coeliacs. even if it's not that, try cutting down on wheat and see if that helps.
you could ask to be referred to a NHS dietician.
all the best.

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 22-Apr-21 07:18:37

I agree with Wellbeck if as you say your baking is grim, then stop doing it, plenty of good baked goods available from the supermarket or local bakery.

Find a hobby that you enjoy and maybe start on that instead, anyway, it will soon be too hot to stand and bake food that nobody wants to eat.

My bread making left a lot to be desired, ditto my scones and now we are all on diets it’s pointless to bake. So I do crafting instead and jigsaws , I love to do jigsaws.

sodapop Thu 22-Apr-21 08:57:08

Absolutely agree with Welbeck and Oopsadaisy use the time to do things you enjoy spabbygirl so much available in the shops now to suit everyone. My family ask me not to do any cooking based on previous experience smile

Callistemon Thu 22-Apr-21 09:56:15

I offered to make DH a loaf and he said 'no thank you', based on previous experience. Even the pigeons refused the last GF fruit bread I made.
To be fair, I made them in the breadmaker so I can blame that.

Don't get upset - find something else you enjoy doing.

Could you ask your GP to refer you to a dietitian?

Redhead56 Thu 22-Apr-21 10:03:03

To be fair sourdough bread is not the easiest to make also realistically not everyone can master it. Why don't you stick to bakes that your family do like and you know they will be eaten.
My mum used to make the lovely fruit pies but her Yorkshire pudding was terrible. My dad was very good at making dinners he tried making bread it wasn't nice.
Don't take it to heart because they don't like it just make something else or try another pastime.

simtib Thu 22-Apr-21 10:03:28

Don't give up. Just do smaller quantities so that they are not such big disasters and try and work out what is going wrong and put it right.

Ignore your husband and I think he should learn to be a little more tactful.

Callistemon Thu 22-Apr-21 10:08:21

Ignore your husband and I think he should learn to be a little more tactful.

If *spabbygirl's^ DH dislikes home baked bread etc and only likes white flour cakes why should he eat them? Perhaps he has spent years gallantly forcing down bread and cakes he dislikes but cant take any more!

Could you try baking him a nice Victoria sandwich, spabbygirl, if you love baking and that is what he likes?

I think this is about more than baking and I hope you feel better soon.

DillytheGardener Thu 22-Apr-21 10:16:12

spabbygirl my sympathies that you are feeling a bit rough mentally and physically. I’d listen to the other posters. Food should be a joy, and if you and your family are finding your offerings a bit grim, I’d switch to buying from a bakery or a supermarket separate white and whole grain options for you and your DH. Try baking again when you are feeling a bit less low and it can be more fun and not such an upset if it doesn’t work out. I’d also tell your GP about your low moods and get him to put you on a low dose antidepressant until you are feeling a bit more like yourself again. Many of my friends are on something similar as COVID has been such a knock to everyone’s mental health,

spabbygirl Thu 22-Apr-21 10:37:14

thanks to everyone for their sound advice, I was lucky enough to have a proper professional dr/nutritionist give me a proper food analysis, she is a GP & wanted to know more about nutrition & needed a case study for her work so used me. Basically she said just eat everything as close to how it was created so that's what I try to do, we used to eat brown bread cos of its health benefits so that's what I wanted to do in sourdough. I did make a lovely sourdough loaf a few weeks ago, it was one of the ancient grains + modern wheat and the taste was fantastic, but it isn't light and airy like shop bought bread, its very specialist. I think it is a good idea to get out more so I've offered to help as a trustee on our local riding for the disabled. I've had antidepressants for ages but a higher dose just makes me more sleepy. Thanks so much all, your help has been much appreciated

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 22-Apr-21 11:28:32

Supermarket ‘sour dough ‘ bread is rarely proper sour dough bread, I’m not sure how they get away with calling it that but it was in the Newspapers last year, thats why it’s light and airy.
My DH asked me to stop making bread when we had finished our building works, he said that he had enough for the footings thank you very much !

Callistemon Thu 22-Apr-21 13:16:06

I made one with spelt, spabbygirl - that was the one the pigeons skirted round.
I think they did eat it in the end but then couldn't take off.

Madgran77 Thu 22-Apr-21 16:07:45

Bake for yourself. Let them buy what they want from yge supermarket flowers

spabbygirl Fri 23-Apr-21 11:21:15

Ha ha!! Love the thought of pigeons & spelt! I think what they do in supermarkets is put a dollop of sourdough starter in ordinary yeasted bread then they can call it sourdough. I think I see it as a whole new avenue of cooking which is healthier, you can do sweet things and all sorts which is probably why I got so upset about it, it isn't soft and fluffy baking but has a different, I think better when it goes right, way of being. It is very difficult to do though, hence my early efforts are lousy, but I persevere!! I have told him now he needs to sort out his own baking, I added a proviso that I was no longer going to cook for him 7 days a week & he has to take his turn! I rather like the idea that he sorts out some meals, then maybe he'll appreciate the amazing commitment I used to put in for over a decade! Thanks all smile

JaneJudge Fri 23-Apr-21 11:26:55

I'm sure working with the ponies will lift your spirits too spabby smile I also laughed about the pigeons grin