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Grandaughter/Daughte r relationship

(11 Posts)
Gingster Tue 08-Jun-21 20:10:42

I’ve just had a FaceTime from my GD who is in first year at University. She isn’t very good at keeping in touch so it was a lovely surprise.
It’s been a difficult year for 1st year students and she’s been home for a lot of lockdown. She has lived with her dad for the last 7 years and doesn’t really get on with her mum (my DD) .They are chalk and cheese - couldn’t be more different. Her mum loves her to bits and tries so hard with her . She phones and messages her but rarely gets a reply.
During our FaceTime GD told me she’d been in touch with her auntie, ( my DIL) and has been invited to stay with her for a while..GD also gets on very well with her other auntie (her dads sister);. She seems to be looking for ‘another mum’.
My DD will be heartbroken when she hears this.
I won’t be the one to tell her.
Any thoughts or advice would be welcome.

lemsip Tue 08-Jun-21 21:05:28

Stay out of it is my advice or your GD will shut you out and that will hurt you so look after yourself.

sodapop Tue 08-Jun-21 21:26:39

I agree with lemsip try not to get involved Gingster support them both as much as you can.

Septimia Tue 08-Jun-21 21:30:23

I don't know, I think I might say something to the GD. It would have to be an appropriate moment, though, and something along the lines of 'I know you don't always see eye to eye with your mum but she does love you and can be hurt just like anyone else. I'd appreciate it if you could be kind to her, if not close' (said very gently and without implied criticism if possible).

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 08-Jun-21 21:43:39

I wouldn’t mention anything about your DD, get your daughter to write her daughter a letter, telling her how much she cares, but 7 years away from her mother in her teenage years is a long time to get back with her Mum , maybe when she is older, she will reevaluate her relationship.
But stay out of it, if you upset your Granddaughter then you won’t see or hear from her either.

Gingster Tue 08-Jun-21 21:52:42

Thanks for your thoughts.
I agree oopsadaisy 7 years is a long time to be separated from your mum. They don’t have a ‘normal’ mother/daughter relationship any more.
I will keep out of it I think and wait to see what happens. Thanks you again for your time and thoughts 🙏🏻

welbeck Wed 09-Jun-21 00:32:31

you're right. don't interfere. i think Septima is totally off beam on this one. it never works well to try to guilt someone into something esp where emotions/family relationships are concerned.
it;s good your GD called you, and it's good that she has warm relationships with other female figures, who may act as role models.
all the best.

Hithere Wed 09-Jun-21 01:13:47

Please do not day anything to your DD

Calendargirl Wed 09-Jun-21 06:36:32

You don’t say why she lived with her dad instead of her mum.
So obviously a lot of past history there, not our business, but maybe why they don’t hit it off now.

Gingster Wed 09-Jun-21 15:17:29

Yes calendar girl. You’re right. Her mum and dad separated and DD had another relationship which resulted in twin boys. GD was only 4 and I think she felt pushed out. Her dad has always been her rock , so at the age of 11 pleaded with her dad to let her live with him. He has no other and has dedicated himself to her. She’s now at Uni doing a Mental Health Nursing Degree. We are all very proud of her, including her mum. .
It’s sad that she doesn’t seem to have any feelings for her mum , although she loves her twin brothers who she sees now and again.

Newatthis Sun 20-Jun-21 08:45:10

Yes, your daughter will be upset when she finds out but even more upset when she finds out that you knew.