What should I do

I'd go for the job after all if working full time you won't be available to do everything for him at home and with meeting lots of new people it will open up your life.
us women sometimes do everything for our men from the start and end up with a man child that they trained into the position...of course only a lazy man would let that happen.

I know exactly how you feel. In my limited experience men actually want a Housekeeper with benefits. Another mother maybe ?
I’m sure you’ve done this but maybe You could try talking it through & see if he will “work” to a daily list of tasks. For example, could it be down to him to prep the veg for your evening meal before you get home? Could he be put in charge of cleaning the bathroom, going to the supermarket with a list etc? Tasks that help to oil the household wheels? Marriage is all about team work so hopefully he will step up if you speak in those terms.
Looking ahead, when you retire & he’s sitting in his favourite chair watching daytime TV while you run around like a headless chicken, how will you feel about that?
Just because you’ve been married 38 years doesn’t mean you have to be his servant. Maybe how you’re feeling now is a catalyst for more deep seated issues? I wish you good luck and hope you find a way forward which is less exhausting and happier for you.

You have a few choices here. Hold out for a part-time job, take this job and continue looking for a part-time job (which covers you if the part-time job takes a while to find).

I'd also be inclined to take a stand with your husband. He expects you to plate up a dish when you get home from work and he's been home all day? "Sorry dear, no time."

Before going hard nosed though, are you sure your husband is okay? Is he maybe suffering from depression or something? I'd give more leeway if it's possible there's something else going on than he just doesn't want to to things.

I’d be inclined to take the job and frankly set up home on your own, if you do meet new people how would you have time to socialise with them if you have to be a slave to the house.
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Life is too too short !!

If you take the full time job you could then afford a cleaner ??

I think a part time job would be the worst of both worlds- you’d still be expected to fit all the domestic stuff in as well as the job.
Take the full-time one, get a cleaner once a week and or use an ironing service for his shirts. Hopefully you will meet new people, make some friends and build up a life for yourself.
You could give him a list of at least one thing to do each day - some men really don’t see (or choose not to see what needs doing) and if he doesn’t do it, leave it undone. And if he wants you to go out to work so that he can sit around doing nothing, at least you won’t have to see him!
As for plating up a hot meal - he has to be joking!

I would suggest a medical checkup for DH.
You don't give his age or why he works P/T.
He doesn't sound very happy and perhaps suffering from fatigue and/ or depression. Mid life crisis?
Did he leave friends or family at the old place?
8m is not long at all and in these strange times it must be hard to make new friends.
If you want the job - go for it and think about employing a cleaner and having readymeals and simple things.

It's a big change for you too.

I’d take the full time job, hopefully you can get a decent lunch so you’d just want a tea time snack, he’d have to sort himself. As Maw says, employ a cleaner/ironer, just do it, don’t consult him, tough is all that will work. I hope you get the job and meet some new friends.

Do you really want a full time job? Dh apart you will find most of your spare time gone. I remember I thought of getting a full time job when ds died (I had been his carer) but dd’s advised not to. They said I could go anywhere, any time and be free to do what I wanted to do. They were right. Unless you need the money a part time job could be better or if it’s just to meet people then volunteering in a charity shop could be better as you will have time to chat to co-workers and customers without any pressure. Then you can join walking groups, reading groups or whatever you fancy to meet like minded people and make friends.

My dh does very little to help and it can make you resentful. I was on the point of leaving when he had to have open heart surgery and I’ve stayed ever since. He now has an excuse to not do anything although he is still doing consultancy work via zoom so sat around doing something!

It's time that your OH was introduced to the kitchen and became familiar with the appliances, the cupboards etc! As for the gardening, this hardly needs attention every day does it?
Go for the job, stop being so soft on your OH, after 38 years he must surely have developed some domestic skills and it's time for him to put them into practice.

Lucca

I’d be inclined to take the job and frankly set up home on your own, if you do meet new people how would you have time to socialise with them if you have to be a slave to the house.
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Life is too too short !!

This sounds the best idea to me.

Start working out how you would do this, to give you a baseline for deciding if you will actually leave.

I agree that he might need to see his GP but if he refuses then bring in some of the excellent ideas above.

Good Luck x

Until you get over the attitude that men ‘ help’ women with the household chores you won’t get anywhere.
Take the full time job, deal with your own laundry and food and leave him to do his own .

You are both living in the house, physically capable I’m guessing, so chores should be shared.

It’s pathetic how men go from being waited on by their mothers and then wives.

What would he do if you weren’t there for any reason?

Why does he work part time do you have family why did you move house to a different area?… Questions it just helps build the picture to help answer your dilemma.

I’m with Mawbe.

Take the job.

Buy in some help.

Give him a daily list.

Leave what isn’t done especially if it affects him.

And if that doesn’t improve things then Lucca’s plan.

Grammaretto

I would suggest a medical checkup for DH.
You don't give his age or why he works P/T.
He doesn't sound very happy and perhaps suffering from fatigue and/ or depression. Mid life crisis?
Did he leave friends or family at the old place?
8m is not long at all and in these strange times it must be hard to make new friends.
If you want the job - go for it and think about employing a cleaner and having readymeals and simple things.

It's a big change for you too.

^^ this "I can't think" as a response and going off and hiding says to me problem rather than spoiled DH...yes you don't say how old he is except the 60 that you mention....sadly my first thought was alzheimers. people who are aware of the first problems do often try to hide it and think that they are doing a good job at concealment when actually they are making it look like they are being horrible. A good place to start might be your GP, they can't discuss your husband but can listen to what you say about how upsetting his behaviour is....if you can't talk to your GP then possibly Age Uk or the Alzheimers society?

NotAGran55

Until you get over the attitude that men ‘ help’ women with the household chores you won’t get anywhere.
Take the full time job, deal with your own laundry and food and leave him to do his own .

You are both living in the house, physically capable I’m guessing, so chores should be shared.

It’s pathetic how men go from being waited on by their mothers and then wives.

What would he do if you weren’t there for any reason?

I agree with every word of this.
Assuming there are no medical issues affecting your husband, he needs to start pulling his weight.

We both work full time. We manage the chores between us. I leave what I know he'll see needs doing, eg emptying the dishwasher. He gets hungry so he'll cook.
I do all the laundry, any ironing we do our own, he puts his own clean clothes away.
You have to let go of some of the chores. He probably won't do things to your total satisfaction but that's the price you have to pay.

Go for the full-time job and see how it goes.

Buy in help to help you with the things you think are important, and stop producing hot meals for him after work.

I think you need the job to do something you enjoy, otherwise you will only get more frustrated.

Take the job.

Before starting on the first day, make sure there is a packet of sliced ham or something similar in the fridge and bread in the bread box.

Leave a note on the kitchen table, stating, "make yourself a sandwich when you get hungry. I shan't be back until such-and-such a time and will need a rest when I get in. Dinner will be two hours later, if you help. Three hours later if you don't."

I doubt he will ask for a divorce whatever you do. He is onto a good thing, doing damn- all and expecting you to wait on him.

It is amazing Dottie1 that some men in the 21st century still expect the women in their lives to do the household chores. Time to sit down and talk together about how things will get done especially if you go back out to work. My Husband was like this when we first got married in the 1970's until I pointed out that I worked full time too and that it was his home as well as mine and he needed to take some responsibility for it. It worked and we have shared the household jobs together ever since. Really think about whether you want to work full time and whether it is right for you. Good luck.

I agree with peasblossom and mawbe and cookery lessons for birthday/C presents before thinking of lucca’s.

Take the job, no questions about it

Your husband will drag himself to the fridge if he is starving and you are not there to feed him. He is a big boy who had it too easy all these years

However, this issue goes deeper than this - the marriage is already in rocky territory.
Would you be open to marital counseling?
He doesnt see you as his equal and had a very chauvinistic attitude

LTB

Take the job if offered, you can always ask for the the hours to be reduced when you get there if thats what you want. With regards to the division of labor, you need to sit down and sort this out. Stand up for what you feel is right. Having said this there's probably more going on here from what you have indicated. Maybe you need to think about what you want from the future?