What should I do

Sounds like my first husband. I stood all that for 23 years and he left, not me - went back to his mother and stayed there! Don’t know how difficult it would be for OP to leave after 38 years. Personally I’d see about getting a cleaner and hold out for a part time job if she really wants one but it doesn’t guarantee making friends in the same way that joining clubs etc does. I don’t know how old OP is but full time work doesn’t get easier with the years and I wouldn’t rely on it as a means of making new friends. Colleagues might be younger and not wanting/having time to socialise. And of course you’re there to work not chat at the water cooler!

Oh that sounds good! - enjoy!

Hi dottie have read your story and wondered how things had turned out for you...

Enjoy your new job. And do think about what is worth staying in a relationship for and what is worth leaving for! [flowers}

Have a great first day!

Congratulations on the new and I hope that your first day goes well tomorrow.

Good luck with the new job Dottie.

Re the husband, make sure you always have some good ready meals in the fridge or freezer, ask him to cook a couple of times a week when he's not at work and if he doesn't, do a ready meal just for yourself.

Give him a choice - would he like to take on the household cleaning OR would he like to pay for a cleaner? Make sure you get an answer from him - making it his decision worked for mine and we'd been married over 40yrs so never too late to change.

Our lovely cleaner is brilliant by the way! He always organises payment!!

Good news, Dottie1.

As you'll be full time, and he is part time, why not suggest that he take on most of the household tasks and/or that he arrange to employ someone?

Good luck in the new job!

Congrats!

Good luck with the new job. It sounds like a positive step.

Good decision. Just don’t try and do everything at home as well.

Congratulations on you new job
I was going to suggest you take it and worry about the rest afterwards which is what you seem to have decided to do. All the best x

Good luck in your new job. You could ask him if he’d like a cleaner in while you’re out or would he rather do it himself? Get in a few ready meals. He might start helping if you’re not there, he might re asses your relationship and be willing to make efforts all round?
Anyway, enjoy the job and try & make new friends so you’re not bored or resentful. Big decision to leave- try change first!

Thank you for your update. I wish you well in what ever you decide to do. Enjoy your new job ?

Wel I have read and re read all your replies and thought of every option ,I have decided to take the position ,I start on Monday. No point in sitting down and having a long conversation with him as he will say his usual I will help but he doesn’t .
I will have time away from the house and see/meet new people and see how life progresses
Again thank you for your support

There’s more to being ‘worse off’ than money though jeannie perhaps the poster is worse off in the happiness stakes

Where is OP ?

One thing is for sure, he will not change.
If he is anything like my hubby he will not even discuss the sharing of jobs around the house. His reply is always well leave it if you don't want to do it, and then walks off.
My hubby doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do full stop.
I always liked working and did until I retired at 62, on full time.
I worked part time when the children were small.
The decision to leave is a difficult one because you may find that financially you are worse off and why should you be worse off in retirement after a long working life.
You just can't win with some men so you need to come to terms with that.
You need to do the maths taking some legal advice if necessary.
Best of luck

Well done !

Lucca the issues raised in the OP were exactly why I LTB. And I never regretted it for one second. He did though. His slave had gone.

Before you do anything else...please sit down and talk. Don't throw away 38 years until you've exhausted all other avenues. I'm inclined also...to think he may be depressed.
If he just doesn't want to do this, or you get nowhere, perhaps it is time to move on if you can. Otherwise it will still be you sorting everyone else to help you in the house, but the problem will still be there.
Good luck

Chewbacca

LTB

Looks like just you And I agreeing on this one !!

Take the job if offered, you can always ask for the the hours to be reduced when you get there if thats what you want. With regards to the division of labor, you need to sit down and sort this out. Stand up for what you feel is right. Having said this there's probably more going on here from what you have indicated. Maybe you need to think about what you want from the future?

LTB

Take the job, no questions about it

Your husband will drag himself to the fridge if he is starving and you are not there to feed him. He is a big boy who had it too easy all these years

However, this issue goes deeper than this - the marriage is already in rocky territory.
Would you be open to marital counseling?
He doesnt see you as his equal and had a very chauvinistic attitude