Is Anyone Else a Recluse?

My DH died just 8 months ago so I am having to get used to living alone. People ask me if I am lonely (they do!) as we were sociable and always had people staying, but I am not lonely and quite like choosing what to do each day.
I could become very selfish I think so I will try to curb my selfish tendencies.

I have been invited to coffee on Saturday by someone who is up on holiday from England and it involves a bus trip for me. I will go but I am a bit resentful.
I asked her to mine instead but she won't come out.
I hope she doesn't read this. I'm sure she thinks she is being very kind.
I am with you about big gatherings and girly outings. No way!

I’m not a recluse. I’m at my happiest when with other people even if I don’t know them well. I have a need to go out everyday no matter what the weather and hope to meet someone for a chat. I don’t think it’s good to spend too much time alone. It can make you selfish. I like to be with others and fit in with them. Just once in a while I will please myself but I’m never comfortable with it.

I've always been a loner but not necessarily a recluse. Since my husband died several years ago I made myself go out and join a few things and I have a small circle of friends now. I find though I'm not very good with people who I don't have anything in common with and girly trips out I avoid. I have found these last months fairly hard and getting increasingly so, beginning to get rather depressed now and really miss the person who knew me best.

Shrub I know what you mean, having lost my husband five years ago. In some ways it gets harder as the reality hits home.
Lockdown has made things so hard and I hope you can increase your trips out and meet up with the friends you have things in common with.
Many of us have had to turn in on ourselves and it’s not healthy.

I have been down town to do a bit of shopping, am going swimming soon, but after that very happy to be at home, DH pottering in the garden, me as well.

No desire to mix any more than I have to really. Not bothered about seeing people or meeting up, apart from said activities.

I have often thought that were I to win the lottery, I'd buy myself a little house (having lived in rented accommodation nearly all of my life, being able to do almost what I wanted in my own home would be great!) somewhere like Somerset or Devon and become that little old lady with cats!
Most of my family only live 30 - 40 minutes away and I only see them a few times a year - they never visit me, they can carry on quite well without me (as they do anyway!)

I seem to be both an introvert and extrovert !! I totally understand the recluse preference

Grammaretto

My DH died just 8 months ago so I am having to get used to living alone. People ask me if I am lonely (they do!) as we were sociable and always had people staying, but I am not lonely and quite like choosing what to do each day.
I could become very selfish I think so I will try to curb my selfish tendencies.

I have been invited to coffee on Saturday by someone who is up on holiday from England and it involves a bus trip for me. I will go but I am a bit resentful.
I asked her to mine instead but she won't come out.
I hope she doesn't read this. I'm sure she thinks she is being very kind.
I am with you about big gatherings and girly outings. No way!

I don’t think you are at all selfish, not in any way. You’ve entered a new chapter in your life and it’s seems to me that you’re doing a fabulous job

Am happy to be alone over the last 8 years I have no regrets

Merlotgran I’m also a Gemini and find I also go with the flow. I can be sociable or spend time on my own- usually, but since I’ll health has made me retire from work ( I loved my job) I realise that work for me was my socialising and I miss it desperately. I have some very dear friends but live alone and not had a partner for the past 15 years. I think having to isolate because of being vulnerable during COVID, I have become quite reluctant to go out. I’m more than happy to potter in the garden or have friends pop in for a cuppa but recognise I am quite lonely and would dearly love to have a partner to spend the long evenings with. I think I’m still sociable but reluctant to go out. Not sure if this sounds loopy but hard to explain x

Thank you! You speak for me. Fortunately these days this issue is much less behind closed doors and since finding Susan Cain’s excellent book and also Introvert Dear site online (also available via FB and Instagram), I’ve felt so much better about being an introvert.

What an allegorical tale for the times we're living in! The Lady of Shalott (Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1809 - 1892) was cursed. She lived in a tower room on the Island of Shalott and couldn't look out of her window but had to watch the world go by, reflected in her mirror, while recording what she saw as a tapestry. When she finally looked directly from her window, at bold Sir Lancelot, the curse came upon her and she was forced to leave her tower room on the Island of Shalott and set off, to her death, in a little boat.

I've always loved that tragic tale since it was read to us in primary school.

I'm going to stay with my daughter for a week, part of me is dreading it, rather stay in my own home doing my thing. Obviously part of me wants to see her and my grandson so I'll go.

I'm by nature a recluse though I enjoy the company of good friends and my family. My idyll was when I decided to rent a garage to store most of my trappings, gave up my tenancy and lived in a van and a tent in a field. It was beyond gorgeous. I'm back in a normal home now but still need to vanish from time to time so that I can think without a single distraction.

I went to a friend’s Golden Wedding afternoon tea party in their garden yesterday - my first social occasion since I can’t remember when. I felt quite adventurous and a little strange suddenly having to talk to people>

Friends we have who can only be described as galavants always on holidays or day trips say though Covid is awful it has made them appreciate home they have settled and enjoy what they have.
I have always liked being at home holidays from work were so special.

Apart from being able to meet ( but not socialise ) at church, the hairdressers and the supermarket, I don’t go anywhere these days. I am not sure I remember how to socialise! I don’t mind, but I do miss the stimulus of other people though.
This week has been too hot to go out, so I have felt very lazy and know I have put on weight! I need to force myself to get out for a walk, but that is a very lonely thing to do.

What a relief! I was feeling a bit guilty about enjoying this time of peace and reflection. I am very fond of my friends but most of us have not bothered after the first few months to contact each other very much. I am as guilty of this as anyone else. I love being at home and yet previously every day was firmly set out in my diary with various exercise classes, lunches and seeing clients along with doing some admin work in our small family business. Together with colour appointments at the hairdressers every three or four weeks, I have now allowed my white hair to have freedom and it suits me better, saves time and money. I never expected this chane in routine but I do actually like it.

I'm probably becoming a recluse. I've always been a bit of a loner, quite happy with my own company, and never really enjoyed social events (coffee mornings, parties etc), although I really tried. Evenings at the pub after work were fine, the alcohol helped me relax!

I used to enjoy evening classes, study courses and craft events because I had something to do there, not just making small talk with people I didn't know.

But about 15 years ago I developed a health problem (IBS-D) which makes going places and doing things difficult, stressful and embarrassing. I've learned to cope to some extent with the help of medication, but I avoid travelling and socialising and now only seem to leave the house to go to the doctors, dentist or hairdresser, and even that takes a bit of planning. Staying home during the lockdowns was really not a problem for me, almost a blessing.

I accept my life for what it is, it could be a lot worse. I make the most of the good days when I can get out and occupy myself at home when I can't. I enjoy occasional brief conversations with neighbours, but now don't want to be drawn into the 'social scene' of the village, although that had been our intention when we moved here.

It doesn't depress me, but I do feel sad for my DH that our plans for our retirement years have gone haywire because of me. C'est la vie !! We count ourselves lucky to still have each other and we're happy, and for that I am very thankful.

I have found this thread so interesting. I find myself dreaming of living on my own in peace although have not lived alone for many years. On reflection, my most contended days have been in my large garden at my last house with my cat following me about and the trees full of the sound of birds, the smell of the grass and flowers and natural beauty. As one ages, I think there is a sense of relief at not having to achieve anything particular or having to rush around looking after people. Sometimes being with others can be draining. I like peaceful people!

Covid gave me an excuse.... I do go on a long leisurely walk with a friend once a month. He and I enjoy talking....we talk for hours while we walk about all kinds of thing. I have become reclusive though.

When I step out and see what some humans are like I can easily be a recluse. Today men with huge bellies waddling about in shorts, females in shorts and bikini type tops with boobs ready to fall out at the slightest movement. Adults and children as young as 5 years riding on roads and pavements on electric scooters. A policeman's wife telling me they are allowed to do "that" as her son whizzes past. I would add I live in a small 120 detached houses scheme and no one is unemployed or poor. Too much money, not enough sense comes to mind. Being a recluse seems very appealing.

You discribe how I am totally.

I also am a Gemini, my dh died 20 months ago, and yes, I do have to count on my fingers.

been retired 20 years now.. still miss my job,

never ever lived on my own till dh died.. I do not like living on my own, but cannot imagine living with anyone else.

I have a need to get out, this hot weather, been confined for 2 days...

I would not like to go visiting with my family, just a need for company that I like

My church, well we have managed to keep one service going, masked and distanced... and yes, if it wasn`t for the occasions when 6 of us could meet, and my cat, I don`t know where I would be now

I sooooo envy those who can live without people.

Another Gemini here. I love interacting with people I know and like and love seeing my family. I have never liked any girly get togethers (after going to a girls only school) or meaningless get togethers where you can't actually really talk to people, some of whom are only interested in themselves. I love to have a deeper conversation and hate small talk which is for me, a waste of time. Not that fond of my own company for too long but do like short breaks to think. A day alone is definitely not for me.