Is Anyone Else a Recluse?

Not sure if it due to being an only child and not allowed to have friends round, but even when I am in a group situation I always feel like the one on the outside looking in.

Having said this I do not find it difficult to talk to people, but I am hopeless at making arrangements especially inviting people round and wait for them to make the first move. This hardly ever happens.

I can find it hard living alone, I can do one day on my own but after that I have to see people otherwise I can feel depressed .
I've found that I've become more like this in my later years and these days I'm strangely feeling more needy but then I couldn't imagine living with someone as I've been living alone for so long so I'm use to doing everything my way .....guess I'm a bit odd ?? Lol

I identify with so many things said that I would bore you stiff if I listed them.

Obviously there are a lot of us independent minded ( better than the term recluse) gransnetters out there, so much so that I'm tempted to say we ought to form a group.
But that would be the antithesis of what we say we are, wouldn't it !!!!

I think that during lockdown we all had time to consider what is important to us in our daily lives. I have always felt under pressure to 'do' things by friends and family who have told me 'you should go away, you should get out more, you should blah blah, but I prefer to just be. If I want to go somewhere I do, and if I don't I can choose to remain at home where I am happy. I have never enjoyed busy, social events and I find them a bit disorientating as I have long term Menieres disease. I have always preferred the companionship of animals to that of humans, and lockdown has has given me the opportunity to enjoy this. I think when you get to a certain age, you stop trying to please everyone else, and just be.

I like meeting people for short periods of time. Two to three hours is plenty with friends. After that I'm exhausted. I spend a lot of the day alone and am happy with that as long as I know I'll hear from DD or DS and that DH will be coming home later. I could not stand to go to a party. I can't find enough to say and have no interest whatsoever in meeting people I don't know.

Interesting topic, has certainly made me think. I’m not really in any camp. I don’t know what living alone would be like for me as I’m lucky to still have Orlin but I don’t fear it.
In the past I’ve enjoyed lunches with my girlfriends. Dinner parties at home or in a restaurant with friends, the occasional function. I’m quite sociable and love to chat, I join things that interest me and have a wide circle of friends and a small inner circle of close friends.
On the other hand I loathe the idea of shopping with others, I always go to the ballet alone as I love to soak it up and lose myself. I occasionally travel alone and really enjoy dining alone in a hotel watching the world whirl around me. I prefer to take long walks alone as that’s my thinking time.
I do empathise with those who say COVID lockdowns have changed them. I feel the same. I doubt I’ll ever throw a party again or even attend one. I’ve made no effort to rejoin groups and classes. I find I’m spending less time with others apart from family and closest friends and I’m just not bothered. I am more than happy to just be.

I think I've always been a bit of a recluse ever since being bullied at school by my so-called 'best friends' when I was twelve. The pandemic hasn't made much difference to my lifestyle except for the fact I have no inkling to go shopping anymore.

It's very interesting reading that so may people regard themselves as rather reclusive or as introverts and how people have become more comfortable with this state in older age. Many have also said how they can only tolerate a few hours of social contact.

Nowadays, I wonder and worry about the number of young people suffering from poor mental heath. I wonder to what extent it is because we expect the young to be social animals, working in noisy groups in school, socialising in noisy environments, constantly bombarded with stimulation and expected to conform to extrovert ways of living that some, maybe many feel very uncomfortable with. Peer pressure is a powerful thing.

We hear and read a lot about how young people have suffered during lockdown through not seeing their friends as well as interruptions to their education. I do wonder to what extent it may be because they have been conditioned to living in this heightened state of stimulation overload and may never experienced the calm and peacefulness of solitude. As a child, I spent many hours reading quietly. Do children have an opportunity to do this now or to pursue other solo, quiet activities?

As an only child I was always happy on my own (although I always had lots of friends and we went to each other's houses to play) and I'm still a bit of a loner. DD2 (married with children in education) who has been working at home since early last year said she wouldn't mind another lockdown, she quite likes being a hermit and I feel the same. Neither of us have been in touch with friends, neither of us feel the immediate need. I know a lot of local people and usually pass the time of day with several people when I'm out but I've no wish to meet up with friends. I'm perfectly happy pottering around at home and in the garden and keeping DH company.

My inner recluse has definitely come to the fore since the pandemic started. Both myself and my partner are CEV and I’m still very reluctant to socialise or have anyone in the house unless it’s absolutely necessary. Not convinced that there isn’t more/worse to come so cautious for now.

I completely identified with a Times columnist who said that the end of lockdown induced FOBIA - Fear of Being Invited Anywhere!

What a pleasure to read this. I’m an introvert and quite a recluse. I hate social events and having to talk to people.
I’m not entirely alone as I have my husband but I find his company wearing sometimes.
I sometimes think I’m selfish but people are stressful and disappointing.
Girlie outings? Nooooo

Flexagon...I think you have a very good point there. With phones, social media, noise and music everywhere I wonder if young people every get one single moment to themselves in peace. What many posters on here have said is that quiet time to oneself is essential for balancing ourselves.

I remember when I was young you could lose yourself for hours, nobody knowing where you were and completely unable to contact you. The peace and freedom!!!

i have always been happy in my own company but all my work life has been working with customers and other people, my favourite job was working for r s mccolls taking the trolly round the hospital, i will chat to anyone but i am happy to go home and be on my own, during covid i have spent weeks on my own without speaking to anyone and that is fine.

Perhaps GN is such a success because we can all be as involved, or not, posting, or just reading. Friends we feel we know and value, but won't be upset if we disappear for a few days. Difficult to explain what I mean, company on our own terms?

I've lived alive for over 30years, rarely let people visit me at home and I don't see callers without an appointment.

Pre pandemic, I'd go out maybe twice a year for a meal with a friend, any other trips into the big wide world were usually medical.

I'll talk to neighbours if I see them when I'm in the garden, but otherwise, I'm a cross between a loner and a recluse.

*alone, flipping autocorrect!

I usually go out several times a week with different friends and groups. You know what ? I’m getting to quite like not dressing up and putting makeup on etc. We are all in hard lockdown here and I’m actually starting to adapt and like it. As I write ,it is just after 11 am here and I am still in my PJs and it doesn’t matter. No one sees, no one cares. Except husband and he is watching the Olympics in his PJs.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nonogran

I too am a bit of a Covid recluse. Every time I think of meeting up with my friends, I get cold feet and don’t bother to contact them. I have to say, not many have made renewed contact with me either so maybe they’re the same? Was it something I said? Haha!
I’m happy on my own but do enjoy my chap being with me of course. We don’t live together all the time so that suits my reclusive tendencies too!
There’s nothing wrong with being a loner. Some might think it selfish but the freedom is heady stuff.

Exactly! Normally I would meet up for lunch with several ex colleagues every few weeks but we are losing touch and nobody seems to be stepping forward to arrange a meet up.

I have another friend and I seem to be losing touch with her too.

I am married and we do see another couple. We went to the pub this week for a meal and it was lovely. I even went to the bar to order food!

As an only child I have always been used to my own company and have not found lockdown too hard, but I don't think I am reclusive. Yesterday I attended the AGM of an association to which I belong which has maintained activities via zoom during lockdown, mainly to show support.
I was quite shocked by the rudeness of some of my contemporaries, all sixty plus.
They talked continuously whilst the Chairman, Secretary and Treasurer were presenting their reports, interrupted people's conversations after the official meeting had concluded, barged into the socially distanced refreshments queue to help themselves and constantly re arranged the carefully arranged socially distanced seating arrangements to suit themselves.

This is the first AGM of this association I have attended so I don't know if this behaviour was the same pre-covid, but it is going to hard if people protected throughout the worst of covid behave like this once they regard the lifting of restrictions as an excuse for abandoning common sense and good manners.

Or is this just symptomatic of old age?

A weak Chair perhaps ? When I have been president of various organisations I told people like that to go outside to continue their conversations or zip up. Mostly they obey and didn’t realise how disruptive they were being.

I don't find my own company onerous one little bit but I do so prefer social interaction of other human beings. I'm really happy our world is starting to open out a bit and I've had some joyful reunions this very week. This wonderful weather has really helped. Some of my friends are still a bit wary of meeting up. I'll leave them to emerge at their own pace, of course.

Flexagon, what good ideas! I believe you are right. Just as sexualisation has become the norm for teenagers, so the same for extraverted partying and having a lot of chums.

This social pressure must be the source of a lot of unhappiness among teenagers.

I've just realised, reading others comments, I am a recluse
My darling husband was diagnosed with LBD 2019. Covid has us in each others company 24/7. I needed to be there, he needed me to be there. He died in Nov 2020. I really have no interest in meeting up yet. The thought of getting ready to meet up gives me the jitters.
I've planted a butterfly/bee garden for him. Im happy to relax in my garden or home on my own. Yes, I do sometimes feel lonely but I'm lonely for him. My DD comes for a quick lunch once a week. Other DD messages or rings often. Sons...well..they are sons. I hear sporadically from them but they are there if I need them.
I think that many people realise that they don't have to run here there and everywhere. Just be.
A friend has filled almost every day meeting up with groups of people. I would hate that kind of commitment.