Is Anyone Else a Recluse?

I've lived alive for over 30years, rarely let people visit me at home and I don't see callers without an appointment.

Pre pandemic, I'd go out maybe twice a year for a meal with a friend, any other trips into the big wide world were usually medical.

I'll talk to neighbours if I see them when I'm in the garden, but otherwise, I'm a cross between a loner and a recluse.

Perhaps GN is such a success because we can all be as involved, or not, posting, or just reading. Friends we feel we know and value, but won't be upset if we disappear for a few days. Difficult to explain what I mean, company on our own terms?

i have always been happy in my own company but all my work life has been working with customers and other people, my favourite job was working for r s mccolls taking the trolly round the hospital, i will chat to anyone but i am happy to go home and be on my own, during covid i have spent weeks on my own without speaking to anyone and that is fine.

Flexagon...I think you have a very good point there. With phones, social media, noise and music everywhere I wonder if young people every get one single moment to themselves in peace. What many posters on here have said is that quiet time to oneself is essential for balancing ourselves.

I remember when I was young you could lose yourself for hours, nobody knowing where you were and completely unable to contact you. The peace and freedom!!!

What a pleasure to read this. I’m an introvert and quite a recluse. I hate social events and having to talk to people.
I’m not entirely alone as I have my husband but I find his company wearing sometimes.
I sometimes think I’m selfish but people are stressful and disappointing.
Girlie outings? Nooooo

I completely identified with a Times columnist who said that the end of lockdown induced FOBIA - Fear of Being Invited Anywhere!

My inner recluse has definitely come to the fore since the pandemic started. Both myself and my partner are CEV and I’m still very reluctant to socialise or have anyone in the house unless it’s absolutely necessary. Not convinced that there isn’t more/worse to come so cautious for now.

As an only child I was always happy on my own (although I always had lots of friends and we went to each other's houses to play) and I'm still a bit of a loner. DD2 (married with children in education) who has been working at home since early last year said she wouldn't mind another lockdown, she quite likes being a hermit and I feel the same. Neither of us have been in touch with friends, neither of us feel the immediate need. I know a lot of local people and usually pass the time of day with several people when I'm out but I've no wish to meet up with friends. I'm perfectly happy pottering around at home and in the garden and keeping DH company.

It's very interesting reading that so may people regard themselves as rather reclusive or as introverts and how people have become more comfortable with this state in older age. Many have also said how they can only tolerate a few hours of social contact.

Nowadays, I wonder and worry about the number of young people suffering from poor mental heath. I wonder to what extent it is because we expect the young to be social animals, working in noisy groups in school, socialising in noisy environments, constantly bombarded with stimulation and expected to conform to extrovert ways of living that some, maybe many feel very uncomfortable with. Peer pressure is a powerful thing.

We hear and read a lot about how young people have suffered during lockdown through not seeing their friends as well as interruptions to their education. I do wonder to what extent it may be because they have been conditioned to living in this heightened state of stimulation overload and may never experienced the calm and peacefulness of solitude. As a child, I spent many hours reading quietly. Do children have an opportunity to do this now or to pursue other solo, quiet activities?

I think I've always been a bit of a recluse ever since being bullied at school by my so-called 'best friends' when I was twelve. The pandemic hasn't made much difference to my lifestyle except for the fact I have no inkling to go shopping anymore.

Interesting topic, has certainly made me think. I’m not really in any camp. I don’t know what living alone would be like for me as I’m lucky to still have Orlin but I don’t fear it.
In the past I’ve enjoyed lunches with my girlfriends. Dinner parties at home or in a restaurant with friends, the occasional function. I’m quite sociable and love to chat, I join things that interest me and have a wide circle of friends and a small inner circle of close friends.
On the other hand I loathe the idea of shopping with others, I always go to the ballet alone as I love to soak it up and lose myself. I occasionally travel alone and really enjoy dining alone in a hotel watching the world whirl around me. I prefer to take long walks alone as that’s my thinking time.
I do empathise with those who say COVID lockdowns have changed them. I feel the same. I doubt I’ll ever throw a party again or even attend one. I’ve made no effort to rejoin groups and classes. I find I’m spending less time with others apart from family and closest friends and I’m just not bothered. I am more than happy to just be.

I like meeting people for short periods of time. Two to three hours is plenty with friends. After that I'm exhausted. I spend a lot of the day alone and am happy with that as long as I know I'll hear from DD or DS and that DH will be coming home later. I could not stand to go to a party. I can't find enough to say and have no interest whatsoever in meeting people I don't know.

I think that during lockdown we all had time to consider what is important to us in our daily lives. I have always felt under pressure to 'do' things by friends and family who have told me 'you should go away, you should get out more, you should blah blah, but I prefer to just be. If I want to go somewhere I do, and if I don't I can choose to remain at home where I am happy. I have never enjoyed busy, social events and I find them a bit disorientating as I have long term Menieres disease. I have always preferred the companionship of animals to that of humans, and lockdown has has given me the opportunity to enjoy this. I think when you get to a certain age, you stop trying to please everyone else, and just be.

I identify with so many things said that I would bore you stiff if I listed them.

Obviously there are a lot of us independent minded ( better than the term recluse) gransnetters out there, so much so that I'm tempted to say we ought to form a group.
But that would be the antithesis of what we say we are, wouldn't it !!!!

I can find it hard living alone, I can do one day on my own but after that I have to see people otherwise I can feel depressed .
I've found that I've become more like this in my later years and these days I'm strangely feeling more needy but then I couldn't imagine living with someone as I've been living alone for so long so I'm use to doing everything my way .....guess I'm a bit odd ?? Lol

Not sure if it due to being an only child and not allowed to have friends round, but even when I am in a group situation I always feel like the one on the outside looking in.

Having said this I do not find it difficult to talk to people, but I am hopeless at making arrangements especially inviting people round and wait for them to make the first move. This hardly ever happens.

Another Gemini here. I love interacting with people I know and like and love seeing my family. I have never liked any girly get togethers (after going to a girls only school) or meaningless get togethers where you can't actually really talk to people, some of whom are only interested in themselves. I love to have a deeper conversation and hate small talk which is for me, a waste of time. Not that fond of my own company for too long but do like short breaks to think. A day alone is definitely not for me.

I also am a Gemini, my dh died 20 months ago, and yes, I do have to count on my fingers.

been retired 20 years now.. still miss my job,

never ever lived on my own till dh died.. I do not like living on my own, but cannot imagine living with anyone else.

I have a need to get out, this hot weather, been confined for 2 days...

I would not like to go visiting with my family, just a need for company that I like

My church, well we have managed to keep one service going, masked and distanced... and yes, if it wasn`t for the occasions when 6 of us could meet, and my cat, I don`t know where I would be now

I sooooo envy those who can live without people.

You discribe how I am totally.

When I step out and see what some humans are like I can easily be a recluse. Today men with huge bellies waddling about in shorts, females in shorts and bikini type tops with boobs ready to fall out at the slightest movement. Adults and children as young as 5 years riding on roads and pavements on electric scooters. A policeman's wife telling me they are allowed to do "that" as her son whizzes past. I would add I live in a small 120 detached houses scheme and no one is unemployed or poor. Too much money, not enough sense comes to mind. Being a recluse seems very appealing.

Covid gave me an excuse.... I do go on a long leisurely walk with a friend once a month. He and I enjoy talking....we talk for hours while we walk about all kinds of thing. I have become reclusive though.

I have found this thread so interesting. I find myself dreaming of living on my own in peace although have not lived alone for many years. On reflection, my most contended days have been in my large garden at my last house with my cat following me about and the trees full of the sound of birds, the smell of the grass and flowers and natural beauty. As one ages, I think there is a sense of relief at not having to achieve anything particular or having to rush around looking after people. Sometimes being with others can be draining. I like peaceful people!

I'm probably becoming a recluse. I've always been a bit of a loner, quite happy with my own company, and never really enjoyed social events (coffee mornings, parties etc), although I really tried. Evenings at the pub after work were fine, the alcohol helped me relax!

I used to enjoy evening classes, study courses and craft events because I had something to do there, not just making small talk with people I didn't know.

But about 15 years ago I developed a health problem (IBS-D) which makes going places and doing things difficult, stressful and embarrassing. I've learned to cope to some extent with the help of medication, but I avoid travelling and socialising and now only seem to leave the house to go to the doctors, dentist or hairdresser, and even that takes a bit of planning. Staying home during the lockdowns was really not a problem for me, almost a blessing.

I accept my life for what it is, it could be a lot worse. I make the most of the good days when I can get out and occupy myself at home when I can't. I enjoy occasional brief conversations with neighbours, but now don't want to be drawn into the 'social scene' of the village, although that had been our intention when we moved here.

It doesn't depress me, but I do feel sad for my DH that our plans for our retirement years have gone haywire because of me. C'est la vie !! We count ourselves lucky to still have each other and we're happy, and for that I am very thankful.

What a relief! I was feeling a bit guilty about enjoying this time of peace and reflection. I am very fond of my friends but most of us have not bothered after the first few months to contact each other very much. I am as guilty of this as anyone else. I love being at home and yet previously every day was firmly set out in my diary with various exercise classes, lunches and seeing clients along with doing some admin work in our small family business. Together with colour appointments at the hairdressers every three or four weeks, I have now allowed my white hair to have freedom and it suits me better, saves time and money. I never expected this chane in routine but I do actually like it.

Apart from being able to meet ( but not socialise ) at church, the hairdressers and the supermarket, I don’t go anywhere these days. I am not sure I remember how to socialise! I don’t mind, but I do miss the stimulus of other people though.
This week has been too hot to go out, so I have felt very lazy and know I have put on weight! I need to force myself to get out for a walk, but that is a very lonely thing to do.