Help me get over this bizarre and hurtful accusation

FarNorth and Baggs, these are great responses and I take them on board. I also appreciate the more bracing reactions from some people who would never let these things get to them. Gransnet is a great institution!

Very much overthought.

Using the word histrionics about the simple, straightforward, and eminently sensible idea of swapping a used cat litter tray for a clean one suggest inordinate anxiety to me. An equivalent response, by which I mean one that dealt with the crushingness, might have been: "Don't be rididculous."

In short, practical solutions are not histrionics.

Just don't tell him about ideas like that in future. Simply do what you think is a good idea without saying anything.

If he is someone who is anxious about trivia, maybe his anxiety levels were up while playing a game with a three year old – it can be stressful ?.

So I'd say, don't feel crushed by someone else's social anxiety. Do no harm and take no shit. Good luck. ✊

I wonder if he used the wrong word about the litter tray, and meant to say he didn't want a fuss over changing trays.
My response, in any case, would have been "There's no histrionics involved." with a look conveying "You must be nuts." Then carry on and do it.
My reaction would come from not accepting what he said as sensible and also not believing that any sort of 'rebuke' should be being made.

His non-explanation re the cards is strange. My reaction again would be The Look and "I definitely wasn't cheating."

Try to choose not to feel 'crushed' but instead to feel 'he's being totally unreasonable with that'.

Hithere, that's an interesting question. Throughout our marriage he's been very supportive, particularly at times of professional stress. And he absolutely does his share of taking care of household stuff (he does the cooking, for example). But, right from the beginning, every so often he would find fault with something I did and rebuke me in a way that would make me feel crushed. I don't want to draw up a litany of examples (I feel a bit bad writing this - he would never do any such thing. That's partly out of a rather admirable reserve and discretion, and partly because he generally doesn't see the point of talking things through, and certainly not to srangers. Whreas I've found the responses here really thoughtful and helpful.) So I'll just give one example. When our newly-acquired cat was still being kept indoors for the period required by the Cats Protection League, we had a litter tray in the conservatory, which adjoins the dining room. We had invited some people round to lunch, and were a little concerned for obvious reasons. So I said 'I'll get the second litter tray ready and put it just outside the back door, and if the worst happens, I'll do a quick swap'. His response was 'No. I don't want histrionics.' I was really taken aback - I thought I'd made a practical suggestion, and I am fairly sure (unless I delude myself) that no-one would describe me as histrionic or hysterical. But it felt like a criticism that went way beyond the actual thing that had occasioned it. And it wasn't easy just to find a quick riposte.

Just laugh it off.

Thanks, Eloethan, it's helpful to have that put in words.

You are over thinking this a laughing rebuff at the time is all that was needed, or some daft remark to the kids like, I knew grandad needed new glasses
You really have blown this out of proportion
Forget it

Sounds as though DH should be left to play on his own, jealousy is an ugly thing and to try to show you up in front of a tot has to be stopped now in case it becomes a pattern.

Let’s all laugh or accuse Grandma is not funny, nip it in the bud now, before the GCs get older.

What other occasional criticism does he offer?

For you to be so upset it feels like there are other issues going on. Perhaps he often makes comments that you feel put you down and make you feel defensive and uncomfortable. If that is the case, then, at least at the moment, you need to try and thwart that objective by just ignoring it. As you are on holiday it isn't really the time to confront him about it. But when you return home if you feel this sort of behaviour is occurring on a regular basis I think you should tell him to put a sock in it!

I can't believe this is about snap with a 3 year old ! We play games all the time with all 3 GC including snap! It is not a serious game with a 3 year old! They do not play games seriously. They often say snap when it's not. They invariably wander off in the middle. Your husband needs to get a life! I would laugh at him! 4 year old is better at games, 7 year old very good! They kind of grow into it with practice. I understand how you are feeling though as I have similar to put up with but please laugh at him for getting so het up at a 3 year old's game.

Thanks, V3ra, that's cheered me up!

Also, was he losing by any chance... ?

What a shame that your silly husband chose to "accuse" you of cheating in front of your granddaughter during the game.
He spoilt the game for all of you, no wonder you're upset.

If she likes card games I'd suggest playing Pelmanism (pairs).
You can tailor it to your granddaughter's ability using only a few pairs of cards to start with.

Not so much a habit of accusing me of things, more the occasional criticism that deflates me. It's hard to bounce back as I feel I should, in a kind of good-humoured way that would help me to be on top of the situation. Today's (in one way completely minor) incident was something other than the kind of playful teasing we do, like all families, and also between the two of us some of the time. I can join in with that, it's fun and it's fine. But this was not that - I can tell the difference, and I was stung. In fact, he later offered a non-apology, saying that it was an exaggeration to accuse me of cheating, but that I had been placing the cards in such a way that it looked as if I was cheating - and he demonstrated what he claimed I'd done. (A wholly unnatural card-playing gesture, picking the card up with its face towards me and flipping it over to place it, No-one would do this, and I certainly didn't.) Accompanied, of course, by amused indignation that I was making too much of all of this, it was so trivial, etc. (I hadn't in fact reacted, other than to show surprise, in front of DS and DGD.)

I agree with Jaylucy, isn’t it possible that it was just a big joke to amuse your grandchildren, you know ‘I think granny has been cheating’ type thing.
I mean, why in the world would anyone want to cheat at Snap!
Unless he makes a habit of accusing you of odd things, I would let it go.

I would ignore it totally. If you ask DH about it, it may escalate into a row. It is just not worth it. You know you weren't cheating. Let it go. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. Dont allow yourself to dwell on it.

I find it a bit strange this isolated incident, surely just take it as a joke albeit not a good one.

Do you really think that he believes you would cheat against a three-year-old? Have there been hints of other ridiculous ideas from him?

I thought at first he must be joking -we'd obviously been joking a lot and we were all having fun. But then I realised he wasn't. I try not to take offence unnecessarily, I try not to react childishly, but this just got to me. A tiny thing, that somehow opened up a chasm. I have to work my way back up out of it. Thanks for your kind words.

Are you sure he wasn't just joking? I can think of many times when we have played Snap as a family and there has always been at least one comment that so and so is cheating, but it's not serious!
Only other thing would be to say to your husband that you were upset by his accusation - just make sure that there is just the two of you when you talk to him.

I recommend that you try to let it go, if you are able and move on.

Enjoy your lovely family holiday, you’re very lucky.

Sometimes people can be a bit tactless. My partner can be ... I tend to ignore it if I can. Of course sometimes I bite back.

Hope it all smooths over and you have a really good time. ?

Your in holiday! Seriously a lot of grandparents would love to be in your shoes. Go out and enjoy the day, don't waste another minute.

I wouldn’t play cards with him again. He should know you better than that!