Help me get over this bizarre and hurtful accusation

Not a lot you can do except say - once - what you know to be true and move on. That feeling,though, of someone who knows you well getting you so wrong is a horrible one. It happened to me once (with an old friend, not a DH) and the scenario was more involved but I felt shaken and dreadful for quite some time afterwards. I haven’t been in touch.

Think you need to discuss this with H privately asap and put forward the point of how it would look to the children. We're they bothered or did it all play a part in the skirmish of the game? Only you can assess that. Perhaps you were even being over sensitive as I note you said you wanted the little one to win. I completely understand your reasoning over that as it would encourage her. Very interesting how we all react differently to situations.

I would have laughed it off and told him not to be daft. I wouldn't bring it up unless he did. Sometimes we get irrationally annoyed about other people's words or actions. It might be that you are feeling particularly sensitive at the moment or it's symptomatic of your relationship with him and you've had enough. Try to put it out of your mind.

Thanks for these answers - it's weird how a small thing can plunge me right down. I feel better for having your wise words.

I’ve always tried to follow the mantra: Least said, soonest mended.
Unfortunately I live with someone who likes to pick apart an argument about an argument ?

Speak to DH on your own and ask "You didn't seriously think I was cheating, did you?"

Well if my DH did something like that he would have the mickey taken out of him for hours for being a pedantic grumpy old whatnot.

Thanks, BigBerthal, I wish I could just joke my way out of it. I don't have the temperament for that. I guess I'll resurface in a while. I'm very grateful that people are taking the trouble to reply, though - that helps a lot.

FarNorth

Speak to DH on your own and ask "You didn't seriously think I was cheating, did you?"

Yes, exactly.
Then follow it up with how harmful that was as it suggested to the three year old that grandma cheats at cards.Not on!

I wouldn’t play cards with him again. He should know you better than that!

Your in holiday! Seriously a lot of grandparents would love to be in your shoes. Go out and enjoy the day, don't waste another minute.

I recommend that you try to let it go, if you are able and move on.

Enjoy your lovely family holiday, you’re very lucky.

Sometimes people can be a bit tactless. My partner can be ... I tend to ignore it if I can. Of course sometimes I bite back.

Hope it all smooths over and you have a really good time. ?

Are you sure he wasn't just joking? I can think of many times when we have played Snap as a family and there has always been at least one comment that so and so is cheating, but it's not serious!
Only other thing would be to say to your husband that you were upset by his accusation - just make sure that there is just the two of you when you talk to him.

I thought at first he must be joking -we'd obviously been joking a lot and we were all having fun. But then I realised he wasn't. I try not to take offence unnecessarily, I try not to react childishly, but this just got to me. A tiny thing, that somehow opened up a chasm. I have to work my way back up out of it. Thanks for your kind words.

Do you really think that he believes you would cheat against a three-year-old? Have there been hints of other ridiculous ideas from him?

I find it a bit strange this isolated incident, surely just take it as a joke albeit not a good one.

I would ignore it totally. If you ask DH about it, it may escalate into a row. It is just not worth it. You know you weren't cheating. Let it go. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. Dont allow yourself to dwell on it.

I agree with Jaylucy, isn’t it possible that it was just a big joke to amuse your grandchildren, you know ‘I think granny has been cheating’ type thing.
I mean, why in the world would anyone want to cheat at Snap!
Unless he makes a habit of accusing you of odd things, I would let it go.

Not so much a habit of accusing me of things, more the occasional criticism that deflates me. It's hard to bounce back as I feel I should, in a kind of good-humoured way that would help me to be on top of the situation. Today's (in one way completely minor) incident was something other than the kind of playful teasing we do, like all families, and also between the two of us some of the time. I can join in with that, it's fun and it's fine. But this was not that - I can tell the difference, and I was stung. In fact, he later offered a non-apology, saying that it was an exaggeration to accuse me of cheating, but that I had been placing the cards in such a way that it looked as if I was cheating - and he demonstrated what he claimed I'd done. (A wholly unnatural card-playing gesture, picking the card up with its face towards me and flipping it over to place it, No-one would do this, and I certainly didn't.) Accompanied, of course, by amused indignation that I was making too much of all of this, it was so trivial, etc. (I hadn't in fact reacted, other than to show surprise, in front of DS and DGD.)

What a shame that your silly husband chose to "accuse" you of cheating in front of your granddaughter during the game.
He spoilt the game for all of you, no wonder you're upset.

If she likes card games I'd suggest playing Pelmanism (pairs).
You can tailor it to your granddaughter's ability using only a few pairs of cards to start with.

Also, was he losing by any chance... ?

Thanks, V3ra, that's cheered me up!

I can't believe this is about snap with a 3 year old ! We play games all the time with all 3 GC including snap! It is not a serious game with a 3 year old! They do not play games seriously. They often say snap when it's not. They invariably wander off in the middle. Your husband needs to get a life! I would laugh at him! 4 year old is better at games, 7 year old very good! They kind of grow into it with practice. I understand how you are feeling though as I have similar to put up with but please laugh at him for getting so het up at a 3 year old's game.

For you to be so upset it feels like there are other issues going on. Perhaps he often makes comments that you feel put you down and make you feel defensive and uncomfortable. If that is the case, then, at least at the moment, you need to try and thwart that objective by just ignoring it. As you are on holiday it isn't really the time to confront him about it. But when you return home if you feel this sort of behaviour is occurring on a regular basis I think you should tell him to put a sock in it!