Friend moved without telling me

I would send her a Christmas card and just say 'I'm so sad not to have heard from you. Thinking of you and hoping all is well with you'. Without knowing her and you it's impossible to know why she has done it.

Maybe as others have said she just needs some space to grieve. Personally if I was in her shoes I would want to be on my own for a while to get my head together and decide what I want to do with my future.

Not everyone thrives on well meaning friends and sympathy. Someone once told me I was like a wounded animal when I was hurting, I would creep into my burrow until I felt better and able to deal with the world.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I agree with bluebelle.

You also said that you moved, so friendships change when it goes long distance.

She knows where to find you. She has other priorities right now

Happened to me too. I tried to keep in touch but she clearly didn't want to. Made excuses. Don't understand why. Reluctantly, I've moved on.

If she hasn’t bothered to give you her new address, sounds like she’s telling you something. Could be she sees the distance as a problem for maintaining your friendship, or may be some other reason. Don’t dwell on it, just get on with life and make a new friend to replace this one

Thats a big assumption, Kircubbin?(but obviously you know that couple, and we dont)

You’ve done all you can to keep contact. I think it’s now up to your ‘friend’ to contact you.

2 bereavements and moving home are top of the list for traumas, so I would make another attempt to say she will be missed and ask if you can help her in any way. If you get a negative response, then you know it’s time to let go.

I wouldn’t worry. We can’t do everything. I’d rather spend an hour with a friend, than see six for ten minutes each. Leave it to see what she does, but I wouldn’t fret, and you certainly shouldn’t blame yourself.

She has far too much going on at the moment - try to put yourself in her shoes and don't jump to any conclusions (the "tit for tat" comment felt very judgemental). In your place I would send her a Christmas card and put in a kind message (you say she's suffered a double bereavement in the past year so the next Christmas will be far more difficult for her) and then see if she gets in touch. But you're now living 500 miles away and so your friendship would change anyway (and, as you say, you didn't make seeing her a priority the last time you were in her area) so it may be going to end, but at least give the poor woman the chance to work through her losses and the strain of moving. I would stay in touch for at least a few more years (if you value the friendship). Only then think about letting it go. It may well be that it isn't a strong enough friendship to survive the physical distance.

MawBe

I would give her the benefit of the doubt - it is too easy to miss someone out especially at a fraught time.
Can’t you email or ring/text for her new address?
If she fobs you off or doesn’t reply you may have to reluctantly accept the friendship has run its course, but a pity to cut all ties when it might be a slip-up on her part.

I agree with MawBe. Moving is stressful enough at the best of times especially after bereavements. Maybe she thinks she has sent you her new address?

Sad for you if you value her friendship, but I'd say that you have to let it go.
I have to confess that I've neglected to give a very old friend my new address because she is such a user. She only ever gets in touch if she wants me to do something for her, So I sent her a Christmas card saying that we'd left our old house but as yet had no new address. I don't plan to contact her again.

Sometimes friendships go that way. If she didn't give you her address then I would leave it now. You have tried but let her contact you now.

So since at least March- April she has known she was moving, that' s almost 6 months ago. She didn' t let you know and hasn' t given you hef new address, but did take your call. I' d say that the past 6 months have probably been v difficult, even traumatic, and that she is just trying to come to terms with it all. See what happens in the next 6 months ( xmas card, call once she' s settled ...) ..if not, move on let go.

I have just had someone I have known 36 years come back in my life after a break of five years. We met up recently and found we still have lots in common and plan to meet again soom.

Sometimes just best to wait and see.

I think the friendship you had has just changed over the years and I would leave it to the lady now to get in touch.
I've a friend of 38 years who hasn't seen my last two houses even though I invite for a cuppa all the time, but she just doesn't seem to be bothered. I go to see her to drop off presents or some baking I've done for her family, so I decided 2 weeks ago no more as it's all one sided and I'm fed up with it.
Sometimes it's better just to let it go and don't get annoyed or upset over people who don't seem to give a damn.

She knows you care and perhaps she will get in touch

She might not actually know that OP cares.

She might have been very hurt after not seeing her and, like on here, had friends suggesting that OP didn’t care and she should let the friendship go.

OP, if she’s important to you, reach out a few more times. Show her you care.

If you get no reciprocation, then make a decision.

Dont end a friendship without talking to her about it.

Friends are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime - it’s not always obvious which it is until the friendship is over.

She knows where you are and you have tried your best to get back in contact with her, so now it is up to her to contact you.
In a way you can understand why you weren't told as with 2 bereavements she has had other things to think about but having mail redirected doesn't mean you will actually guess where she is now!
The fact that she didn't let you know her new address means, to me, that she doesn't want you to know.

I'd view it as a sign to move on now. Some friendships are for a reason, others for a season and a few for a lifetime - not all are meant to last.

i bet most men don't agonise over why whether a pal seems distant.

Friendship has it's times and seasons, just because it's not top of her agenda right now, quite understandable given what's been happening to the poor woman recently, it doesn't mean you aren't friends. She's probably needing time with family or others right now but give it time, she may be back in touch if you leave the doors open for her. I've reconnected with friends after long periods of no contact, picked up where we left off. Loads of people move house without telling everyone these days, Facebook and email make that easy as a personal address isn't as important any more. I'd say give it a few months or even years, just stay connected if you can and see what happens.

I would be inclined to listen to what she is telling you, her silence says it all. Sometimes life gets too hectic for some people, especially after bereavement, and they have to decide what to let go of, just so they can organise and sort their lives out.
It is a bit upsetting when we are wondering, “what did I do wrong?” But remember, it isn’t all about us. I wouldn’t keep trying to contact her, as this can have the opposite effect and maybe irritate her because she may think you are dismissing her decision and rights of choice.
The Christmas card is hopefully welcomed by many, and is a good idea as suggested above.
I wish you well, keep moving forward, you sound like a caring person.

I agree with Bluebell. I lost my mother and brother at the end of last year, a few weeks before we moved house. I'm afraid if my old friends wanted to judge me they would find me very lacking at the moment, but fortunately for me I think they will cut me some slack. It's not all about you OP, as I hope you may realise. Maybe it's your turn to go the extra mile and not think of tit for tat type scenarios. If you want her address ask for it saying you'd like to send her some flowers as you feel sorry for her losses.

Moving house, dealing with two bereavements, settling into a new home and getting organised. I think the woman is busy enough, it took me ages when I moved to reconnect with some friends and give them my new address and with lockdown and covid restrictions it is only recently that I have managed to establish a routine with some friends again. I haven't seen my mother since 2018 because of the move etc. as she is over 400 miles away from me.