Gransnet forums

Relationships

Co-incidence or not?

(39 Posts)
Jezra Sun 05-Sep-21 00:37:20

I know from talking to friends that most seem to get what they call spam (disgusting) emails from porn sites, dating sites etc. However, I seem to get them and it’s nearly always the same name as our attractive neighbour. This used to happen before at our old house, different attractive neighbour or attractive aquaintance and they had pretty uncommon names.
Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill thinking my DH is up to no good on these sites. Our devices share the same wifi and he kept mentioning one of my passwords in conversation which I have changed as a result. ( Pippin instead of apple for example. Note - not my real one just an example.) This made me wonder if sharing the Wifi links our devices.

nexus63 Sun 05-Sep-21 02:04:33

i have never been on a porn site in my life but i get about 20 emails a day from either julie or asian girl, i have never opened them i just just hit delete but they still arrive the next day. unless you have a trust issue with your husband i would just ignore it.

CafeAuLait Sun 05-Sep-21 05:11:13

The only thing along those lines I get are a particular dating site, but always different names. I believe I get them as my email address must have been stolen in a website hack at some stage. I have never been on dating sites or porn sites, so there's no reason I should get these otherwise. It's only about one or two a day. Always women interested in my profile but I'm not interested in women as dating partners if I was looking. I'm sure it's just a sold list of email addresses and totally random for me.

I think Wifi does link devices. My DH recently started something new and I am getting ads related to that. That's happened before. Do you have a reason to not trust your husband?

CafeAuLait Sun 05-Sep-21 05:12:41

Suggestion - switch of auto-loading images in your email settings and you won't see anything you don't want to in messages. I have to click to view images in an email so never see anything I don't choose to.

MawBe Sun 05-Sep-21 06:13:26

I have no experience of what you are talking about.
Do you not have a spam filter? Nothing gets through mine - trivial or disgusting. confused

Allsorts Sun 05-Sep-21 06:23:52

I have no experience of it either and neither do any if me friends, if I was you I would be very concerned.

M0nica Sun 05-Sep-21 07:06:41

No porn comes my way and - since DH's emails come up on my pc as well - no porn in his mail either.

The fact that you say it’s nearly always the same name as our attractive neighbour. This used to happen before at our old house, different attractive neighbour or attractive aquaintance and they had pretty uncommon names. would, I am sorry, fire all the alarm bells for me. Someone is feeding those names into the system and it needs to be someone who finds those specific people attractive and if it not you, who?

MawBe Sun 05-Sep-21 07:09:15

I have wondered about the significance of all the attractive neighbours and attractive acquaintances - not something I would be particularly aware of or think worth mentioning. confused

sodapop Sun 05-Sep-21 08:10:30

That rang an alarm bell for me as well MawBe do you have cause for concern over your husband's activities Jezra I never receive any emails like that either.

Lucca Sun 05-Sep-21 08:10:32

I really do not understand this thing about attractive neighbours ,..is Araminta next door sending you the emails ?

Jezra Sun 05-Sep-21 09:16:37

I should have said, he has dementia cording to the Dr who has told us to come back in a year. Nothing to be done at the moment. He will soon be 70 and I’m just trying to keep a check on his behaviours before people we know start making judgements. I don’t particularly want them knowing and talking about our business.

Nonogran Sun 05-Sep-21 09:19:29

I’d keep my antennae up & keep changing my password. Don’t discuss yr passwords with husband. If he has his own device why does he need to know yours? I don’t share my passwords with anyone inc my partner.
Mark the emails as “spam” so that future follow ups go into the spam box.
Sounds dodgy to me ….

Jezra Sun 05-Sep-21 09:33:51

Nonogran, I don’t share my passwords with him. In my first post I said that I wondered if our devices were linked in any way because he seemed to know one of my passwords. I don’t write them down anywhere.

Elless Sun 05-Sep-21 10:10:34

Jezra put your email address into the website haveibeenpwned.com to see if your address has been compromised.

JaneJudge Sun 05-Sep-21 10:14:14

I never get porn spam, maybe change your security settings

Elegran Sun 05-Sep-21 10:37:43

Porn sites send emails out in bulk to lists of all the emails they can get hold of, that is the most likely was that they have your email address.

Do they seem to be from the attractive neighbour? Block her from your emails, then you will have no more from her.

If they are not from her, how do you know that she has anything to do with it? Unless you share your email with your husband, you will not get one another's messages.

If you don't share your passwords with him, why was it that "Our devices share the same wifi and he kept mentioning one of my passwords in conversation which I have changed as a result. "

If you are still not happy about his relationship with this woman, have you asked him (without accusing him of anything until you have more evidence. but with a laugh) something like, "Sharon Blank seems to fancy me - or someone with the same name does, because they keep sending me pornographic emails. Well, I don't fancy her!" If he has a guilty conscience you will soon know.

This is so like a previous thread from someone whose husband with Altzheimers was obsessed with a neighbour that I really can't take it seriously.

Jezra Sun 05-Sep-21 17:19:37

If you can’t take it seriously then don’t comment Elegran. Dementia and worries around it are serious problems for people who suffer from it and people who have to deal with it.

tiredoldwoman Sun 05-Sep-21 17:38:15

I get lots of offers of Russian or Asian brides . I quite like borscht so might reply ? smile

Elegran Sun 05-Sep-21 18:42:47

Jezra This thread is not a worry about dementia. Read the opening post again. There is no mention that the OP's husband has signs of dementia or even that the attractive neighbour does.

She is telling us that she has been receiving spam and/or pornographic emails from someone with the same name as an attractive neighbour, and that this has happened before at their previous home - when she presumably was receiving similar emails from other attractive neighbours or acquaintances.

Note that these emails are from the neighbours, not from her husband. Why are they sending them to her ? That doesn't sound as though her husband is carrying on with them.

If they were enjoying the attention and returning it, they would surely not be including her in the correspondence? And if they were distressed by a bloke with Alzheimers contacting them inappropriately, they would be complaining, not sending HER strange emails.

Riverwalk Sun 05-Sep-21 18:44:51

Jezra

If you can’t take it seriously then don’t comment Elegran. Dementia and worries around it are serious problems for people who suffer from it and people who have to deal with it.

You started a similar thread a couple of weeks ago - no mention of dementia but did say that your husband had always been eyeing-up other women.

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/a1300053-Is-this-normal

Lucca Sun 05-Sep-21 18:46:52

Elegran,… Jezra IS the OO

Lucca Sun 05-Sep-21 18:47:19

OP.

Jezra Sun 05-Sep-21 19:49:53

Thanks Lucca. Elegran doesn’t seem to have read my further input on this thread and she seems to think that the emails are originating from the neighbour.😂 No! They are from porn sites which I have said already. I don’t think she has read it properly, just made her own assumptions. Oh dear.
Riverwalk yes you are correct I did post on a different thread earlier. DH’s diagnosis has come in between that post and this one and apparently loss of inhibitions and doing things like I mentioned could be put down to his diagnosis according to the doc. It’s just difficult trying to explain it to people. I’m just making trying to keep a check on his behaviours and wondered
if I received these emails as a result of his activity online or if everyone got them that’s all.

Blossoming Sun 05-Sep-21 20:54:53

If you’ve ever shopped on the internet or subscribed to a newsletter sooner or later you’ll get spam. Just tighten up your spam filters and delete them unopened.

Jackiest Sun 05-Sep-21 21:15:00

Sharing a wifi connection is not likely to be the cause of it. Sharing a computer or other device then possible.