How is a mother-in-law addressed?

I don't think I ever called mine anything. She always referred to me as Daughter in Law and my husband as Son. Never "My" daughter in Law or "My" Son but I think she was working from the ASD How To Talk To People handbook! my American son in law calls me Mom which suits me fine - I call him lots of things!

Kittylester has returned to explain that she was only joking. Perhaps you should have read the whole thread before commenting.

My post is in response to Tanjanmaltija

Aldom

ElderlyPerson I dip into this thread occasionally. I certainly have not read all of it, but commented at the start. I just have to say that the idea of calling my late mil auntie is ridiculous. She was my mother in law. The mother of my husband. Not my auntie. Nor for that matter was my fil my uncle.

There are people known as aunt and uncle who only get that title by marriage, possibly whether they like it or not.

Do people who have that title by marriage keep it if they get divorced?

That is an interesting question as it may well arise in some families if a child has grown up knowing someone as, say, Auntie Jane if Auntie Jane becomes divorced from the child's relative.

That could be a difficult situation if Auntie Jane has always been kind and helpful for as long as the child has been alive and her husband has nastily divorced her because he has decided he wants to be married to someone else.

Galaxy

I dont think tensions are caused by the names we use, they are caused by interactions over long periods of time.

This point was made pages upthread and is surely the definitive answer to your imagined scenario EP which I think all of us who are or have or have had MILs have found totally unrealistic.

Why dredge it up again?

I was simply replying to a post.

It is not like a science experiment where one can run it again with different conditions. Each MiLDiL pair gets one go at it with whatever start parameters happen. So one cannot be sure whether in situations where friction has developed whether a different way of addressing her MiL might have made a difference on some occasion and the MiL might have had a different perspective if her DiL were regarded like a niece rather than perhaps like a daughter who should abide by her wishes.

A sort of butterfly effect, like in that radio play and television play from years ago the name of which I forget now where people at a dinner or playing whist or something are chatting and somebody says something and it gradually goes chaotic, then at the end it restarts, but this time the same person says the same thing but it is not commented on in the same way and life goes on happily. Maybe someone can remember the play, I think it is quite famous.

In my case with great care having first made sure I had access to an escape route. She was a trifle touchy.

I remebered the author and upon seeing a list of his plays I remembered it is this one.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dangerous_Corner

I found this movie, subtitles available, credited as from the play by J. B. Priestley, with two ladies credited for screen play but it starts in a way different from what is described in the wikipedia page, but I have a vague recollection of seeing a television production in black and white maybe 1950s or 1960s and not following it, but I do remember the restart and it being different the second time round.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=56LeBEWurOk

I love An Inspector Calls by JB Priestley.
Have you seen the film, EP, or the more recent TV play staring David Thewlis?
It’s another one that is often on Radio 4.

Gosh this thread seems very ... well ... odd! Perhaps I have just been too long in a country where everyone is on first name terms - even with your professor, doctor, teacher or bank manager.

It perhaps was a thing in the 1960s to call your parents' friends "auntie" (remembers Auntie Joyce who lived on our street), but that doesn't seem to happen these days.

I would find it very odd to call MIL "Auntie" - but then again I haven't called my actual aunties with that address since my mid-teens

I saw it on television many years ago with Alistair Sim as the inspector.

Whether it was a television production or a film I don't know.

He was in a film of it.

Cold

Gosh this thread seems very ... well ... odd! Perhaps I have just been too long in a country where everyone is on first name terms - even with your professor, doctor, teacher or bank manager.

It perhaps was a thing in the 1960s to call your parents' friends "auntie" (remembers Auntie Joyce who lived on our street), but that doesn't seem to happen these days.

I would find it very odd to call MIL "Auntie" - but then again I haven't called my actual aunties with that address since my mid-teens

The word 'odd' does seem to get used in threads I start.

Yes, it was the Alistair Sym film of which I was referring.
It really is a work of genius. Social and political worth, and a breathtaking surprise.

To be blunt EP to call ones mil ‘auntie’ is a stupid idea.
For heavens sake, please don’t ask me to elucidate

Like Aldom I commented early on in the thread. And found it hilarious at the suggestion of calling a mil Aunty. I know many people call mum's close friends aunty or the lady next door - we never did but I had friends who did. I just find it a bizarre suggestion a mil is a different relationship so to call one aunty you are blurring the relationship. Almost making husband and wife seem like they are cousins.
I do get the in laws who have said call us mum and dad hopefully that's them trying to be kind and welcoming not domineering..
Having myself been divorced a couple of times and been an aunty by marriage to many children I have instantly lost that status on the break up of the marriage. Now the only one to call me aunty is my one blood niece. And 3rd husband and I have an adorable great nephew and we sign cards etc as uncle and aunty rather than great uncle and great aunty!
To me mil should just be called by the first name. I did have a son in law who would address me as 'milf'when he had had a drink thankfully that creep is long gone!

FannyCornforth

Yes, it was the Alistair Sym film of which I was referring.
It really is a work of genius. Social and political worth, and a breathtaking surprise.

To be blunt EP to call ones mil ‘auntie’ is a stupid idea.
For heavens sake, please don’t ask me to elucidate

The first time I became aware of the word 'elucidate' was in a poem, long before the web was invented.

www.braingle.com/brainteasers/1101/sir-i-bear-a-rhyme-excelling.html

Do you know this poem?

That web page presents it as a puzzle with the answer available by clicking on a button.

That’s a good website! Thank you EP
I didn’t get the riddle at all .
I was going down the ‘bear’ route…
Now I know the answer, I still don’t get it!
Maths isn’t my thing though ( a poor excuse!)

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No, it was just where Fanny's post led.

(Yes, the humour was intended, did you get it?)

When I started work, managers and employees alike were Miss/Mrs/Mr yet we still knew who the manager was. There is no reason why it should be different when everyone uses first names.

The only time I had a problem was when someone rang a colleague's phone when he was absent and when I answered, the caller asked me if I was John's secretary. I quite enjoyed replying. 'No, I am his manager.' Grovelling apologies followed.

ElderlyPerson

No, it was just where Fanny's post led.

(Yes, the humour was intended, did you get it?)

Ah, the deletion means that the set up for the intended humour in my post is not now available.

The 'intended humour' to which I was referirng was on something in the deleted post, not something in Fanny's post.

As the poster requested deletion, then I will respect that choice and not try to explain my intended humour.

However, it was harmless.

FannyCornforth

Yes, it was the Alistair Sym film of which I was referring.
It really is a work of genius. Social and political worth, and a breathtaking surprise.

To be blunt EP to call ones mil ‘auntie’ is a stupid idea.
For heavens sake, please don’t ask me to elucidate

Well it has been deemed to be a stupid idea but that does not mean that it necessarily is stupid.

It is possible that some people have read this thread, not posted, but just privately thought that it is a good idea and have already taken up the idea within their own family.

There are a number of posts in this thread which seem to suggest a widespread situation where the DiL never addresses her MiL by any name or title unless and until she has children of her own and then addresses her MiL as Granny or similar. The DiL does not want to address her MiL as Mum because she isn't her Mum, and she does not want to address her by her first name. If they were not in the same family and were working together somewhere then fine, but that is a different situation, they are not culturally the same. Yet a lady can have many aunts, some only by someone else's marriage, so her MiL could be regarded as if an aunt by her own marriage. On a family tree, up a generation then sideways for the other aunts, sideways then up a generation for this one.

So, who knows, it might be a way out of a situation that some people might choose to use, though I accept that maybe nobody ever will use it in practice.

Would you like
a cup of tea,
a piece of cake
and a talk with me?
And when we've talked
it should be clear
how you will now
address me, dear.
You won't call me Mum
you've let it be known
for you've got a Mum
of your own.
By my first name
As friends and husband do
I gladly give
that choice to you.
Though as you're married
to my son
I respect your view
it isn't done.
So to me my dear
the solution is plain
you may address me
as Auntie Jane

I don’t have any parents-in-law, Mr. B. was orphaned at the age of 15.

My sons' partners (past and present) have always used my forename. I don't think I ever called my MiL anything but 'you'! She and FiL thought I would call them 'mum' and 'dad' but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Luckily we didn't see them very often as we lived in the Midlands whereas they were in the south. I remember my dad addressed my mum's mum as Mrs H but mum called his mum, Granny P.