How is a mother-in-law addressed?

202 posts all saying Mum/first name/granny/nothing if humanly possible/mother-in-law (maybe) /old bat (behind her back)
Nobody -unsurprisingly - going down the Auntie Jane route .

To quote Mr Bennett “That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough”

Different times, different expectations I think. EP says s/he doesn't think children address their parents by their first names, but my son calls us by our first names (and some less polite other terms ?). My husband used to call my parents by their first names, yet the expectation was I should have called his parents mum and dad. I did not, as I had my own Mum and Dad, and he was calling my parents by their first names.

I see the kindness in EP's thoughts on this, and it is one of those social anomalies which could cause embarrassment through a lack of formal practice. However, we live in less formal times than previous generations, so I think first names are now appropriate. I certainly don't expect my son's long term partner to call me mum!

MayBeMaw

202 posts all saying Mum/first name/granny/nothing if humanly possible/mother-in-law (maybe) /old bat (behind her back)
Nobody -unsurprisingly - going down the Auntie Jane route .

To quote Mr Bennett “That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough”

Should that be Mr Bennet?

Just one letter 't'?

@kittylester; I insist on being called Mrs Lester. They should show respect!

Ouch. Respect is not shown by the use of a title that is used to your face, and may or may nor be used behind your back. Respect is when they offer to go shopping for you if you are ill, by not belittling you, by turning up with a pie... Respect is earned, not asked for.

I thought I was alone in not calling my mother in law or father in law anything! Good to know it was quite common for my generation. Our daughter in law calls us by our first names. Don’t remember being given any choice in the matter!

Tanjamaltija

@kittylester; I insist on being called Mrs Lester. They should show respect!

Ouch. Respect is not shown by the use of a title that is used to your face, and may or may nor be used behind your back. Respect is when they offer to go shopping for you if you are ill, by not belittling you, by turning up with a pie... Respect is earned, not asked for.

Oh dear
SOH bypass?

Should that be Mr Bennet
Just one letter 't'

Good grief - how absolutely unpardonable of me.
I’ll be calling Mr Darcy “Fitzbilly” next

Still, it bumps up the number of posts

Let them choose. Our DIL calls us Mum & Dad, as her own DF died when she was young, and she said it was nice to have someone to call Dad.
Our SIL calls us by our names - his DM died young, and I know that he feels that he can't replace her, so would feel very awkward calling me Mum. Their choice entirely in both cases, and we're fine with both.

Does it really matter, life is too short, however if the person frequently makes a song & dance about it , then a serious discussion is probably required.

My late MIL always liked to be addressed as Mother, which was fine by me
My SIL calls me by my Christian name, or 'Mummy' if he wants a favour!

My son in law calls me mum, but his own mother died when he was a teenager ,..and his father not long afterwards
Think he needed to have a mum and dad again, I love him as my own ..

I don’t think it matters what they call you, and it’s a bonus if you even like your Children's partners let alone all get on ..

My DiLs call me by my first name. I called my Mil by her first name too.

My Daughter in-law and my son in-law have always called me by by Christian name, I think it makes things easier all round. This is the 21st century we are all more casual about such things, also it feels more friendly. I am very happy with this idea.

My dil calls me by my first name
My mother in law wanted me to call her mum but she’s not my mum so I didn’t.
With all respect she’s not your niece so that’s just bizarre and weird!

'Deeply honoured and respected Madam' is what I told my daughters-in-law!.........actually, my first name.

I never called my MiLs any name. But first one had a husband, when I was talking to him I referred to her as Mum.

My SIL calls me "MIL" and I call him "SIL"!

If the mother-in-law has a name, use that. Don't see the problem. That's what I did and it's what all my siLs do.

Bugbabe2019

My dil calls me by my first name
My mother in law wanted me to call her mum but she’s not my mum so I didn’t.
With all respect she’s not your niece so that’s just bizarre and weird!

There were several people known to me as Auntie Name. In fact, some were Great Aunts.

Some were genetic relations, some were married to a genetic relation.

Now, as it happens, they were all in that situation when I was born.

However, at least one uncle by his marriage became my uncle after I was born, though I was not aware of that marriage taking place as I was only very young at the time.

However, it is not inconceivable that in some families a boy of nine or ten or older might suddenly gain an additional aunt if, say, his mother had a younger brother who married at an older age than did his sister.

So, it seems quite natural to me that if I had had the good fortune to have got married that knowing the MiL that I would have had as Auntie Name, even though she was not a genetic relation, would have worked fine for me if it had been alright for her.

.

ElderlyPerson I dip into this thread occasionally. I certainly have not read all of it, but commented at the start. I just have to say that the idea of calling my late mil auntie is ridiculous. She was my mother in law. The mother of my husband. Not my auntie. Nor for that matter was my fil my uncle.

I don't think it matters too much, if everyone is happy to be called mum, aunt, mrs whatsit, erm, oi, or whatever.

There were several people known to me as Auntie Name. In fact, some were Great Aunts

Some were genetic relations, some were married to a genetic relation
Yes ElderlyPerson but they were not your mother in law.
Why do you persist in trying to initiate a new form of address or discuss something which just is not the case ?

At the start I just wondered.

The results of what happens in practice is very interesting. Maybe this topic has never been surveyed before. Is this sociology?

We may never know but from upthread it is possible that the DMiLaaA (Dear Mother-in-Law addressed as Auntie) possibilty being suggested may have helped one lady in her family situation, which would be wonderful.

Maybe it may help others who may or may not have not posted and might simply say "You can address me as Auntie Name if you like" if her DDiL does not feel happy at addressing here as either Mum or by her first name.

There seem to be lot of responses here where the DDiL does not address her DMiL by any name, and one response where that has resulted in unhappiness.

So notwithstanding that this is a new idea, it might be helpful to some.

Gosh...... what a silly topic for anyone to get over excited about. I found it interesting but underwhelming.

Well, as you wish, but I do wonder in the threads about problems between a lady and her DiL or between a lady and a MiL how they address each other.

I just wonder if the MiL had been Auntie Name whether the problems might not have happened in some of the scenarios, as there would have been a sort of implicit anchor to it all.

Just an instinct based really on what I have seen, and been told about, in workplaces with managers and staff where the boundaries and relationships are not clear.

But I might be totally wrong, and I might even be ridiculed or criticised for even suggesting that as a possibility.

For the avoidance of doubt, someone writing that she and her DDiL get on well and know each other by just their first names does not refute my suggestion because I am not suggesting that the absence of such formality causes the problem, I am simply suggesting that that formality might avoid some problems sometimes.