Both retired(important) does your dh ask ?

I would certainly tell him how you feel and how selfish he is being, you must speak up or else nothing will change. I wouldn't accept that even if I didn't want to go, I would want and expect to be asked if there was anything I wanted to do. Maybe go to the shops with him. Sorry if that sounds harsh but my MIL always said I call a spade a spade!

I wish my DH had a few more of his own interests.

Having said that, we are happy doing things together and I have other interests.

It sounds to me as though you're not happy with the whole marriage. My ex-husband made me angry and irritated in the same way.

Sounds as though you need to rethink things. This is not a dress rehearsal - one life!!

Talk to the man! Communication is key.

Just read your post again and realised I was a bit smug. Strikes me though, there is little compromise and communication on both sides. I find I can just work my way round issues and go with the flow. Mind you, I have an even-tempered dh and we have been together for 56 years and I am used to him. Previous posters have said sit him down and tell him how you feel and I think this is a good way forward.

LEAVE HIM!

Sorry OP, I went off on a tangent - sparked a bit of a rant really. You ANBU, but as others have said, you need to state your case very clearly or he thinks you are happy with the status quo.

A key question is do you still love and care about each other? I'm no expert, but it does sound as though your husband may be on the autistic spectrum ( extreme fixation on bikes and needing routine etc). You have also said you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Maybe while you both worked, a lot of issues were masked by work requirements/routine. It may be worth considering whether this is an opportunity to help each other and both be happier in the process. First step may be to find a calm moment when you're both quite relaxed and gently suggest you need to look at your routine to ensure you're both happy in retirement and as you get older. If he doesn't see that he has any issues, you might have to sell it as you need things to change as you're not as happy as you know you could/should be. I think it will need either a professional counselor or a specific structured approach maybe based on suggestions in a book or internet guide/course. If he won't do that, you might still be able to find strategies to help you approach things differently either by seeing a counselor on your own or reading up on some ways to identify whether he is on the autistic spectrum and how best to communicate if that seems to be the case. It would be a shame for either or both of you to be unhappy or harbour resentment in your retirement years. I hope you find a way to improve things.

It's funny isn't it? Men and women are definitely worlds apart in how they respond to each other. Why is it that women have to always have to be so specific in what their needs are, yet almost always consider what their partner might want to do? Why is that this is so hard for men to do? Since retirement I have socialised A LOT more than before and am finding so many women have exactly the same issues with their partners. It isn't that they don't care, they JUST DON'T THINK, (Same seems to go for for home duties!)

I wonder were you at home more than him before you retired and he has just got used to you being there?
Some men are incredibly selfish. I am not sure why people are saying you are lucky to have him. It sounds like you are housemates but he is a really bloody annoying one

Start doing things on your own with no notice to him...just do what you want. Make sure you are not back in time to make lunch etc. I am so glad sometimes that I am on my own...hahaha

Chloe51 you have loads of good advice here.hope you get the life you want and let's face it "deserve"

Nannan2 there is a lot of truth in what you say. Sadly he is probably not going to change. Clio it is very frustrating. URNBU.

I agree with previous poster that your dh is not a mind reader. When one of his àctivities arises do you say can I come with you? My dh and I do separate things all the time but get together on shared interests. If I asked to be included he would be delighted. We were like this before we retired so we always had something to talk about. I have found men become very focussed and single minded as they get older and need a gentle push now and then.
Have patience and be GLAD he is still with you ❤

I think you need to get away from the house, both of you, for a weekend away or failing that a long lunch out. Tell him in advance you feel you are heading for a breakdown as current arrangements not working for you.
The aim is to agree on a rough weekly timetable of a activities and tasks. Would help.if you both prepared your own wish list beforehand. It wouldn't work if you stayed in the house to do it.
Also, we have a day by day ladder type calendar that lists stuff like gp appts and plumbers visits and look at that on a daily basis so no clashes.

Just a thought- but hes displaying signs of an Autistic spectrum disorder- and as you say his dad was very much the same, well it can run in families.Bottom line is though, are you willing to stay with him like this, as he's not likely to change.If you say no, you must make sure you get your share of the house etc so you are secure for your future.

Get your priorities right he will soon learn
Stop being the good wife .
There are some excellent tips on here from Gn's Try them .

I guess the thing missing here is communication. Could you try having a chat every Sunday night to plan out the week ahead so you both are aware of what each of you wants to do? It doesn’t have to be rigid but gives you both the opportunity to discuss ideas and needs for the week ahead.

I feel your pain Clio51, sounds like my husband and yours, could be brothers! Every time he does ANYTHING I will be told, regardless of the fact that before we both retired, I did it all, as I was “only” part time. I’m sure he only hangs the washing out, so the neighbours can see him doing it ? I take myself off to do crafting, and you can bet your bottom dollar, he will want me to “help” with something.

Yet another reason why I got rid of my selfish git. Exactly the same selfish, self centred, self absorbed, unreasonable, lazy beyond words, twat of a man like your one is. Hopefully the only difference is he is not abusive to you like my one was.

This is why I am no longer married aftet 40+ years of him doing "his thing" and if I said anything I was being unreasonable. He would disappear at weekends and leave me with house/kids/animals as well as all the washing etc to get sorted ready for another working week. Once he retired it was worse and I finally decided I needed a life where someone put me first, me! On to his next victim now, poor woman must be desperate?

Are you sort of always putting him before anything you might pursue? If you are I'd suggest getting a routine of your own - get busy - then this won't be as important and you will have a happier life. Then it will be for him to sort out when YOU can be available. Read The Rules and Women who Love Too Much.

I agree with part of what you say, except I can read maps very well and hubby can’t ?

Lucca??

Why does he need to go shopping every day?

It is not what the husband does in these circumstances, but whether things are mutally agreed. DH and I have always had one main and dominant interest that is not shared with the other.

As I said everything goes on the calendar, but if what is involved is not a regular commitment we always inform the other what is planned, apart from anything else, it stops double booking. DH: 'I have a committee meeting on the 14th', Me: Isn't that the evening that XYZ is happening? DH: Oh #@?!. so it is.'