Daughter and family staying for a week. I am at exhaustion level after 7 days.

Oops sea cliff, didn’t see your post!

What's the old saying? If you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you.

Your daughter and son-in-law are behaving worse than entitled teenagers.

Is this the first year they have visited with the baby?
It must be very hard if you feel you have to put up with their appalling treatment of you and your home in order to see your granddaughter.
You really do deserve more consideration and respect, I hope you get it in future.

I would never, in this life or the next, wait hand and foot on fit, healthy adults, to the detriment of my own wellbeing.

MissAdventure Exactly.

You are all so right. Thank you for your comments and advice.
With only a few years, of my life left, I guess I am spoiling them. To my detriment. Perhaps? It is my own fault. Yes, they do live abroad but, can get to the UK by ferry.

Moira. you are a doormat Sorry

In the short term, present them with two buckets lined with disposable bags, one for nappies, the other for cloths etc that need washing.
Place both buckets and contents in their room after nappy changes if you can't make them change the child in the bathroom and if they don't deal with the contents during their stay place contents inside a firmly knotted bin liner, and stow in their car as they leave.
You really can't tolerate behaviour like this because it won't improve as this badly brought-up child gets older.

We’ve always used a changing mat when Gdcs have been visiting, so changing them in the sitting room bothers me not at all.
When not needed, it slides behind a sofa.

Having said that, though, your dd and SiL do sound decidedly lacking in manners and consideration, OP. I think at the very least I’d be telling them it was their turn to clear the table and do the dishes, for once.

I think you have to tell them. Show them how to use your washing machine and ask them to help with cooking. Suggest they do the washing up as you are too tired. If you don't say anything things will not change...

I assume they are visiting from abroad. We have a son living abroad, now with 2 children and also find visits a bit stressful. Despite having set up the house reasonably well for them, they would decide to move furniture, from 1 bedroom to another, drag mattresses off beds etc.

They would go out for the day, then I'd get a call about 5 pm to say they were on way home, children were hungry and was dinner ready?

With Covid there was over 1 1/2 years between visits so decided to do it a bit differently when they came in summer for nearly 3 weeks. Let them do more of own shopping and cooking and we went away for a few days (wanted to anyway) leaving them the house to entertain their friends.

It worked better this time, and children were a bit older but there was still a feeling of relief when they left!

M0ira, how on Earth did you allow this awful state of affairs? I'd complain directly, and instantly, to the 'offenders' (not on here) and make my expectations crystal clear.

How dare they put wet nappies on your sofa? Leaving you to do the shopping, cleaning etc. is totally unacceptable too.

You have enabled this behaviour. What would happen if you just sat around, went for a walk, engaged in your hobbies, read your book etc.? They'd have to step up and organise the meals and laundry!

A week is far too long for a visit. One night, or at most, two can be tolerable.

It sounds as though your daughter is reverting to her childhood and forgetting that you are not as young as you were.
Can you have a quiet word with your daughter. Tell her how tired you are.
If not just think it's only a week and when they are gone you will miss them!

yup, your house your rules and its up to you to set them!

I doubt your daughter will change who she is so you have to decide to either put up with it or not have them to visit.

You say that next time will be when the child is two so I am assuming they only visit once a year.

I don’t really know what to say, because I simply wouldn’t do it.

It sounds like you’re putting up with this almost as an investment to having a good relationship with your grandchild in the future. That might not necessarily happen, as they seem to have no respect for you or your home.

You definitely need to talk to them. Potentially, you could have years of this. Especially if more children come along and start behaving like their parents.

I'm sure you didn't bring up your daughter to be a lazy woman. Surely she should have some respect for her mum and dad. Did you let her do nothing when she was a child or a teenager. It's s bit late to have to train her when she'd 40. Heaven help the other friends and relatives they are staying with for the next week's. They may never be invited back.

I don’t have years left medically speaking. Can’t go into details, too distressing and just trying to get my head around it all myself!

MOira
^perhaps next time they come*
It’s obvious from this statement that your never going to change your attitude to them.
You should be doing something now
Have you ever wondered why your daughter has a combative attitude towards you?

I live close to my daughter and giver her as much help as I can but am exhausted after 3 or 4 hours with my 2 year old grandson. It's not so tiring if we take him outdoors so he can run around safely.
My daughter is well aware that we can only take so much and often checks if she should come and pick him up.
Obviously is it's an emergency - she is ill or has to go off in a hurry - we suck it up and can cope with him for longer.
Whilst my oldest GD was a baby was ill our DIL was in hospital and we had our GD for several weeks at a time night feeds and all. We coped - but it was 10 years ago and I'm not sure we could do it now.

It's very difficult to lay down rules when you don't see your family for months/years at a time and even when they do offer to help it's sometimes just easier and quicker to do things yourself. I think the nappy on the sofa is a step too far though and would suggest changing her in the bathroom or their bedroom would be a sensible option - say the soiled nappy could be put straight into a waste bin and they would have better access to washcloths, water etc. As for waiting on their friends could they not have gone out for a meal with them instead?

My family live on the other side of the world and have only managed to visit twice in 8 years - the first time the youngest grandson was just 2, the eldest 4 and they stayed with us for 6 weeks - they did the same two years later. It is exhausting and much as we love them it was very mixed emotions when they left to go home - sadness that they were going and relief to get our very quiet lives back again We have since moved house and won't be able to put them up next time (with Covid that's an unknown anyway ) so will have to rent a holiday home for them!

Moira so sorry to hear about your health [flowers}

Perhaps next time they come we will lay down a few ground rules because, our grand daughter will be a 2 year old then.

Very wise! And the practical idea from eazybee are good too

Hi Moira. It’s hard work and frustrating for you, but it’s only a week and if I was an older mother with a one year old who had been away from family etc during COVID I would be so grateful to be waited on and not have to worry about domestic things. Kids are exhausting for all of us! Make the most of the fact they are visiting you and you really get to spend quality time with them. You can rest when they’re gone!

Your health issues are all the more reason your family should be pulling their weight, Moira.
Just all mucking in together to ensure you all enjoy their visits is enough.

Lilyflower

A week is far too long for a visit. One night, or at most, two can be tolerable.

Not if they live abroad it isn’t !