Is my husband unreasonable

I’ve just read this out to my DH and he laughed. I told him not to get any ideas! Seriously why not charge the power tools in the garage or shed? Dirty golf shoes the same.

I think after 45 years he won’t be changing anytime soon, I wouldn’t like power tools charging on our living room carpet, especially if dirty, dirty shoes in the hall would be moved to the porch,

You say "my living room carpet" that does tell a lot about how you see things.

…I’m married to a man who has never knowingly put anything away or quite shut a door or drawer in his whole life….

My husband has difficulty shutting cupboards and drawers too. He also brings all his tools into the kitchen and leaves them there even when the job he was doing is complete.

Like you Monica I feel on balance that the pros outweigh the cons, though at times I do feel the opposite. Especially when he goes into a mood following me getting cross about said tools remaining in the kitchen for several weeks. It’s all part of the ups and downs of marriage.

After 58 years of marriage, be certain that all husbands and wives are unreasonable, accidentally, or deliberately, at times.
Part of the variety of life!

I agree that this poster doesn’t have to be “lucky to have a husband”. However what I do think is that if he drives her so mad and the marriage is rocky she should bite the bullet and live in her own.
Nowhere does she say “ but I still love him”.

grannymags, none of the 'offences' mentioned seem serious - just minor annoyances.

You can easily keep him out of your car (assuming he has his own) and feel free to throw muddy shoes straight outside (I'd do that often). If he charged things in the kitchen, I bet you'd be equally annoyed, so where is a convenient place?

It seems that you view the living space as your territory - that's the problem. Maybe divide it into 'his' and 'her' zones?

lucky to have a husband Why? they are not a necessity in life, and, as my mother used to say 'better happily single, than unhappily married.'

If you are widowed after a long happy marriage, that is a real loss. I nearly lost DH last winter, I know the fear. But just having a husband, any husband, well, I would amend my mothers saying and say, better unhappily single than unhappily married.

This lady's husband does sound thoughtless, but then I am married to a man who has never knowingly put anything away or quite shut a door or drawer in his whole life, even his mother said 'born in a barn, if she didn't know better'. He has a great big 30ft x 8ft shed in the garden, but does all his DIY in the house, usually the kitchen and we have tool chargers everywhere.

Whether your DH is being unreasonable or not, rather depends on how you feel about him at the moment, I have learned to live with DH, reckoning on balance the pros exceed the cons, you may feel differently

I swap dirty shoes and plugged in power tools for a cheater anytime

Surely it's our rather than my living room or whatever

It's all part of having a relationship, ups and down.
It's not like when you are first married, you are both individuals you have your likes and dislikes like everyone.
I continually ask my hubby not to leave his shoes in the hall, he just ignores me and carries on as usual. He also doesn't do his share of the chores, etc etc I in turn annoy him on many points.
We both have our own interests and also have things we like to do together.
It all depends on what you can put up with and are you prepared to go it alone.
There are things I wouldn't put up with, adultery, gambling and spending all our income. I wouldn't like him smoking there again I wouldn't leave him for that.
If you can't stand the man and only you know that, think very carefully about leaving. If you do choose to leave make sure you have considered everything.
I have lots of interests so am very happy but there are times when I swear and shout.
52 years on we are still together, what I would say is let things go, you'll be worrying yourself sick about something and he might not even give it a second thought,
Life can be short stop thinking about his eccentricities and get on with your day.

I feel your pain. I’ve had 45 years of marriage, most good but DH has such an angry streak that after such a long time it is wearing me down. The charming, engaging witty side is kept for family and friends.

(Is there such a creature as a 'reasonable' husband? I tried two - but reasonable was beyond them.)

grannymags, he sounds really annoying - but none of these things are hanging offences! Try laughing, if these are your only problems - you are truly blessed (I do so miss my awkward, thoughtless, clumsy OH).

I do that too Baggs,a simple solution is to move anything he leaves around and put it on his side of the bed.
And tbh,i think you may be looking for problems as you seem unhappy with him and he may do what he does as he feels the same,basicaly,you are both p...ing each other off.

To be quite blunt your lucky you still have a husband there are those of us who have lost ours!

Of course he is being unreasonable. We are all unreasonable at times. If you have been together 45 years he must have some good points.
I shouted at mine yesterday because I didn’t think he was caring enough when I was coughing. He should have been running about getting me drinks of water instead of asking me if I was all right.

You are the one who has to decide if his unreasonableness is something you can no longer put up with.
There are some on here who would rather have an unreasonable DH than none at all.

I think you just wanted to vent. I don't know the answer but I think I understand how you are feeling. Seemingly petty complaints but they add up and it just becomes ugly. He doesn't think he needs to change and I wonder if you're looking at your life and thinking it's only going to get worse and you don't get a do-over. I'm sorry.

He is unreasonable. But if you get to the point of asking.....Do you have to breathe like that... it means you are doomed to part company

This man is not showing alot of consideration, especially if he’s not the one doing the housework. And vaping in your car after being asked not to….heck no!!!! There must be other places to charge his tools, living room - another no from me.

I suppose you could always unplug them and plug them in somewhere else.

I charge some of my power tool batteries in the kitchen.

After reading these comments I have to say that my DH is very well housetrained.

Has he got somewhere else he could charge the power tools? Though storming off a bit over the top. Wouldn't be annoyed about mucky shoes left in hall at least its not the kitchen, living room or bedroom where you really don't want dirt. Can see your point about vaping in your car though.
Do you have any faults he gets annoyed with?

Muddy shoes seems to be a common problem. It is in this house too. I ask Mr M to wipe his feet regularly, but he can’t be bothered forgets. But he cleans my car out beautifully, cooks delicious meals, pops out to the shops when I discover that a vital ingredient for my baking is missing, looks after the garden very well and and and. He also has some irritating habits but that’s life.
grannymags does your husband have some helpful habits too?

We need a post from DH with his list of relationship gripes.

I expect he has a few to tell. None of us are perfect.