Start again.

It sounds miserable but you are only in your 50 s, still young enough to start again. I think you know it’s the right thing to do. Seek legal advice, good luck.

I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Is it really unsalvageable ? Before I lost my husband we had been married for 40 mostly happy years, but I have to say I recognise the pattern of your husband’s present behaviour, because my late husband went through a period of depression which manifested in something similar. Men are generally awful at admitting they have any kind of health problem, so maybe start off by having an honest conversation about the obvious deterioration of your relationship and establish if he’s having mental health problems which may explain the behaviour. You say you were ‘love bombed’ in the beginning, but there must have been mutual feeling there once, so it’s worth exploring whether there’s anything left to build on before you decide to part ways.

I can only comment from the point of view of having been widowed a couple of years ago in my late fifties. - from your post, a similar age to your own now. We had been happily married for 40 years and it was very sudden. I was still reeling from the loss the following year when I met the man who is now my husband. It was a chance meeting and at first I couldn’t consider a relationship as I was still grieving. We became good friends and he helped put my shattered life back together. We moved in together a couple of years later and are very happy.

I know it sounds a bit like a fairy tale ending, but we’ve had our ups and downs, and I think the best advice I can give you is that there are some good men out there, but the way forward is not to jump too soon. Although it’s different if you’re widowed, a break up or a divorce is still a loss and can bring about depression - it’s another form of grieving for the loss of your relationship and the future you thought you’d have.

Loneliness is a big factor in these situations and it can drive you to make unwise decisions, but I think you’re far more likely to be successful if, when you do meet someone, you’re good friends first and allow the relationship to develop over time before making a commitment, thereby making sure that when the ‘novelty’ of a new relationship wears off, you are compatible and have a solid foundation on which to build a future. Slow and steady wins the race, as they say. It can be done, and I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

I am sorry that this did not work out for you and wish all power to your elbow in setting off on a new life.

You are still young, there is plenty of time for you to build a new life and apparently there are lots of job opportunities so go for it. Good luck.

Find a job first? Then you know where to buy a new place and what you can afford.

It will get you out of the house too, with other people, which will make you feel happier anyway.

Take the first step and other things will fall into place and not seem so overwhelming.

I agree with Peasblossom take one step at a time Melanie123 start with a job and take it from there. I left my first husband around the same age and rented a place to live at first. Been happily remarried for some years now so there is life after these major upheavals. I spent some years on my own between husbands which helped me realise I am a strong independent woman. Good luck.

Oh poor you - I di similar and then after about 10 years had to chuck him out, but everything was mine anyway and he had no claim on anything thank goodness!

What I didn't do was insist on my initial marriage break up as I was badly advised, was get any of my ex husbands pension - although it did increase the pot a lot so managed to buy my own house out of it, which I am now having to sell for financial reasons and am using the equity to buy a cheaper property.

I assume that you have already had a conversation about you going? You do really need to get some advice off a solicitor as you would also be entitled to some of his pension I think? There's always Universal Credit if all else fails and you can't find anything to tide you over work wise? Getting a job may not be that easy at your age depending on 'what you did/can manage to do now'?

The best thing I can advise is legal advice or if in no rush the Citizens Advice Bureau - they will in any case have a lot of advice online if you google leaving your husband etc .... I felt much better on my own after he had gone despite things being dodgy financially as I am disabled and can't work. But good luck and keep us posted!

My husband left me nearly 5 years ago after a marriage of 28 years. About 7 weeks after I divorced him, he married again (his 3rd time). I started again at age 58 and am happily single, with no wish to date again, let alone marry. I’m now 63, own my home outright and am much better off without him - financially, emotionally and in every other way. I have quite a good occupational pension and do casual work. Life’s too short to be spending it with someone who - in my case - was a liar and a cheat or someone you really don’t love. Best of luck. You’ll find you’re stronger than you think.

Starting a new life doesn’t have to be with a man

Melanie123, I've been in a similar position with my ex partner (luckily we never married). We were together 6 years and the day I finally got him out was like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders and I have never looked back. He was the most selfish person I have ever known and I never want to share my life with another man again. Luckily, I owned my home so he couldn't claim a share of it as he never contributed to the bills. I love living on my own and have a great relationship with my adult children and my gorgeous grandchildren. Best of all, I've got the bed to myself - bliss!!

Melanie,You sound so unhappy, it can only be better on your own, you are not too old.

I would try and start again as you are relatively young and able to buy your own property.
I found my husband was having an affair when I was 67 and he 69. I'm legally separated but living in same house as him. It isn't easy to move out because of finances he also owns half property. We have family and Grankids close by too. I've made an not very private annex.
I've found he's still possesive with me but does still have secret affairs with others himself. I've had enough now and have tried to make clear he is just a friend now and has no claims on my loyalty.
See how difficult it can be if you hang on. I'm 72 now and feel I've missed the boat. I would have divorced but he told me if he died I probably wouldnt continue to receive his NHS pension? I'm beginning to think I should divorce and take that risk. We'd had 43 yrs together before his affair.

I’ve been divorced ten years now, and I’m living the life I’ve always dreamed of. I don’t have a lot but I’m happy with a comfortable home, pets, friends and quiet contentment. The freedom from criticism and worry is worth everything I gave up to get to this point.

It is completely your choice whether you want to start your new life again or not. You are still a young lady, you can do whatever you want.

I am 57 and I left my ex with nothing. Luckily for me I was sofa hopping for around 8wks when I was offered a 1 bed local authority bungalow which I love. It was furnished by family and friends and charity shop bargains but it's perfect to me. I even have the grandchildren over for sleepovers and they get the bed and I sleep on the sofa. If you want it to work you find a way. I have very little money wise but my bills are paid, I'm warm and I eat well. You are probably in a much better situation than me when I left so what's stopping you. If you're unhappy then put a plan together for leaving. I wish you all the best