Strained relationship with son.

Sorry just seen how it started it wasn’t there when I posted
Well he s behaving like a spoilt jealous child so all the more reason to be quietly assertive and do the arranging through your daughter in law if you can

Don’t cut off your help you love your little grandkids and obviously that helps you as well as them AND your daughter in law obviously appreciates you
If this is changed behaviour and not normal to him then something has changed him so can you pin point anything that happened 18 months ago?
Drugs can make people aggressive especially if they are coming ‘down’ or stress at work, or within the marriage ?
I think it’s really important to work out if it’s just you or if he’s like this to everyone
Can you do more of the arranging through your daughter in law for a bit ? and as others have said next time he gets arsy tell him in a very calm voice I m going to stop this conversation now as I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me and shut it down don’t stay to be verbally abused

Poppyred,
This started when I told my Son myself and my partner wanted to spend time to ourselves one day a week ( Sunday ). He took the hump and said he should be allowed to come whenever he wants. He's never forgotten it and blames my partner, hence the fallout between them. My son says I should put them first.

I'm so sorry. What an awful situation for you. Does he treat other people like this or just you and your partner? Does he have problems at work, or financially? Dare I ask, and forgive me for doing so, is he taking some substance which causes this anger? I think mumofmadboys gives good advice. It's not a good thing for your grandchildren to see their father behaving like this either, does he do it at home?

You say this started 18 months ago. Why? Did something happen to upset him? (Not that it’s any excuse). More information please.

I am sorry you are having a bad time. Is your son stressed and taking it out on you? Can you be more assertive and say something like ' Stop right there and do not be rude to me please' if he starts. Say it firmly but don't shout and possibly put your palm up like a policeman to reinforce the Stop. Then repeat it or something similar each time. Hope things improve. Remember you are not a doormat and you are worthy of respect.

You have answered your own question by saying you can’t stand it any more.
I am sorry, it’s hard but his rude and disrespectful behaviour is not acceptable.

They rely on you for childcare so would normally want to keep you onside. Ax difficult as it is, in your shoes I am not sure I could carry on putting myself in this most upsetting situation.
How does he treat his wife? The rest of the family?