Friend constantly wanting to see us

If it's just these random visits that's the problem then can't you say you're just going out shortly, have visitors arriving soon or any other excuse not to be available. If she's texting then don't give her permission to call. If she turns up unexpectedly then just don't open the door and don't answer your phone if she rings from outside. She can't expect you to be available at any time.

How often do you meet vs you meet now?

How about agreeing to meet on your terms?
For example - x place from 3-5 PM, that way you can leave when you are ready

If you are home and she stops by, you so not have to answer the door.
If she calls, you can honestly say it is not an good time and you will meet some other time.

If she messages you first, then just text back that "sorry, we're busy right now". No further explanations needed.

If she gets as far as your kitchen and you want them to leave then just "sorry, we have to be out in 15 minutes, it's been a nice chat".

If you like you could add "lets meet up for coffee at xx tea shop next Thursday".

The problem is the constant fending off grinds me down so I end up saying yes as otherwise I am telling lies. I like being at home, pottering around and doing jobs. She hates being in her home for some reason but that doesn’t mean I want her in mine all the time. They are nice people and we do enjoy their company but less often as the conversation is often the same.

You say “DH has put his foot down “. Well then he should sort it out ! Couldn’t he have a word with the other man ?

Secondhandrose
We had the same problem, they didn’t even bother to text.
Fortunately the problem was resolved when things got a bit sticky over the repayments of a loan of money.

Secondhadrose - I feel your pain. Our house feels like a drop in centre sometimes. Usually it is a friend of my DH who calls practically every day. He is a nice person and I usually go of into another room or do something else in the house whilst they talk about their usual boring stuff !!

We have another couple who call quite regularly. Fortunately for us we were out one day when they called. This enabled us to ask them to text if they were planning to call to make sure we were in. Maybe you could do this Secondhandrose. So far it has worked quite well for us.

I have even not answered a text that said 'are you in now''. I was in but wasn't in the mood for visitors. They do tend to stay for a couple of hours. I said I had left my phone in my car/bag/coat pocket and hadn't seen the text, sorry. They know I am not the kind of person to have my phone permanently attached to my hand.

Personally, I would always call or (more likely) text first rather than just drop in on someone. I think it is quite rude to expect you to drop everything just because they have decided to call.

I once read of somebody who would answer the door in her coat.
If she was pleased to see the person on the step she would say she had just got in, if not, like OP is feeling, she would say she was just going out.

We had friends who did this and I found it wearing. Fortunately they moved so the problem resolved itself. I think you have to be honest and say you don't have time to have them visit so often could they limit their visits. It's one of those situations where you have to grin and bear it or be up front and risk a falling out. Good luck

On similar threads someone usually comes up with the tip to keep your coat by the door. When the bell rings you an then slip it on before answering and say "Oh sorry I was just going out".

Sorry - had a couple of hitches typing that and Maw got in first!

Just a random idea. Couldn't you say you had covid and must isolate! That would at least give you a break and a chance to make some new rules.

I think we know these people! When they aren’t with you , they are with us. I think they would see us everyday if we allowed it. We have to work hard to keep it down to once a week, once a fortnight if we are lucky. Every year they embarrass themselves by asking us over on Christmas Day, and every year I have to explain that we have our own routing. I’d like to think it’s because we are special people but no one else seems to feel that way about us. If you come up with a solution, please let me know.

Next time they come say sorry I'm really tired today and I have plans for the rest of the week. It would be better if you texted first to make sure we're not busy. Send me a text next week some time and we'll arrange a date. And when that visit/meetup takes place, say we'll see you some time soon. I'll text you.

SecondhandRose, simple - you're isolating due to a positive test - repeat as necessary.

As she does seem to message you before they come just message back and say sorry can't do today, I don't see you have to give a reason. I guess the mental health problem could be a reason why she comes to you so frequently. obviously very bored at home.

It's difficult isn't it? We have some friends who we've known for about 35 years. They moved to a different part of the country where we sometimes go on holiday. I always tell them when we're going as I would feel bad if I don't. They are very nice but as soon as they know we are going they start making plans for us. We like to do our own thing on holiday. Last time we met them for lunch and it was lovely.
Then they asked us if we'd like to go to their house in the evening. We explained that we had plans. They then suggested a trip out the next day. We declined. So they asked us to go to theirs for lunch or breakfast the day after. It was very difficult. One year they booked into a hotel near where were staying and looked hurt when we said we wanted to do our own thing the next day. I felt bad.

Unfortunately, these unwanted visits are more about their problems than any thought about what you may want. Women who need to get out of their own homes; very lonely or depressed or just need company and know no other way than latching on to others.
As a young Mum with a baby, a neighbour used to appear on my step daily. She had a baby in arms and dragged a toddler. I hated it.

I’m with Lucca on this. Get your husband to sort it. He could by asking the other chap to cut down the number of visits. Just think of a tactful reason....

My husband chickens out of it all. He says 'Tell the this. Tell them that.' He leaves it to me.

They don’t just turn up. She does message and usually we aren't busy but it doesn’t mean I want them round. Then I feel guilty. I hate lying as no doubt lies will trip me up. I have actually just contacted another couple to try and get together with them this weekend so we dont have to see the other couple!!!!

I really feel sad for people like this, because no one ever says anything. It’s not their fault if they don’t know.

Just show them this post. You may find they’re mortified and will want to change. If they don’t...they’re not friends and you’re well rid of them.

I was studying years ago a friend used me to escape her clingy husband I found it very annoying. I started asking her to help me with revision for my exams. She didn't understand the subject matter and soon kept away.
Tell the friend you are taking up a new hobby home study (future learn) flower arranging whatever. Say you have strict timetable etc. Its best to make arrangements to meet up for coffee and a chat. Start the ball rolling by arranging a day and time where you can meet for coffee. Keep it up look at your watch and say right must go work to do.
If she randomly calls around don't answer the door. Make sure your mobile is on silent! just keep it up for a while. You have to be cunning do it subtle as I assume you don't want to offend.

MayBeMaw

I once read of somebody who would answer the door in her coat.
If she was pleased to see the person on the step she would say she had just got in, if not, like OP is feeling, she would say she was just going out.

That is genius