Daughters birthday yesterday. Feeling hurt ?.

If your daughter says he is shy then accept that he is shy. If you do not think he is or ‘should’ be shy then you would have to assume that he simply does not want to socialise with you.

Yes, you are all right. I am overthinking it. Our SiL has always been quiet and doesn’t interact with us at all well. He does, however, get on very well with his own parents who pop round almost daily! They all go away on holidays together and every Christmas Day and birthdays they visit. I suppose in my mind I was hoping for a celebration with us, for a change?
Never mind. Next year I will sort out a Birthday tea at our home.
Thank you all, as ever, the lovely grans net community. ?

I've been overthinking it too and wondered if they'd had a tiff before you arrived.
I remember having a rather uncomfortable time at relatives house one Christmas, they were perfectly nice and polite but there was a bit of an odd atmosphere.
It was nothing to do with us - they'd had a row before we arrived and weren't speaking to each other.

Ps they managed to reach their Golden Wedding and beyond (they were speaking again by then! ?)

Oh, I don’t think there’s a lot of empathy on here! Of course grit your teeth and get on with it - what choice is there? But I think you can feel hurt and rather that heaping blame on you for that, perhaps it’s ok to say your family were at the least, thoughtless. There may indeed be other stuff going on - life is seldom simple. It’s great that they all loved the cake. Maybe try to be a bit more assertive next time.
Is it unusual for the husbands family to have more interaction? Holidays together, Christmases, celebrations ? Do you feel left out? Is he a bit controlling with all this silence? As I say, life is full of complex issues! The more sensitive you feel about it, the more sensitised you become, that’s the trouble.

You made your daughter a birthday cake and she didn't offer you a piece?
Very bad manners, never mind about your son in law.

M0ira

Yes, you are all right. I am overthinking it. Our SiL has always been quiet and doesn’t interact with us at all well. He does, however, get on very well with his own parents who pop round almost daily! They all go away on holidays together and every Christmas Day and birthdays they visit. I suppose in my mind I was hoping for a celebration with us, for a change?
Never mind. Next year I will sort out a Birthday tea at our home.
Thank you all, as ever, the lovely grans net community. ?

I think this is the right idea- if you want something, you need to plan it.

Why not invite them over for a meal next week? No reason to wait another year

Love your last comment M0ira! It’s always a pleasure to see someone graciously accept that they may have been mistaken in their thinking, as opposed to going kicking and screaming. The later may be silly to watch but the former is just so refreshing. Have a wonderful day!

MOira, if that had been me I think I would have been a bit miffed! If I had taken a cake to my daughters ( arranging a convenient time of course ) I would anticipate both my SIL and my DD would enjoy a slice and cup of tea with me. Certainly would’nt expect them to enjoy the cake with my DD in laws in my absence! It would have been nice to enjoy the cake together especially as there was a GD there.
However perhaps perhaps your SIL thought it was his responsibility to provide a birthday cake for his wife. In the grand scheme of things I ‘ get it ‘ but don’t allow the issue to grow out of all proportion!

I sometimes despair at what goes on in people's minds. I do think so many AC revert back to 'childish 'behaviour when in their parent's company. Whether this is partly to do with the parent's behaviour towards them, I don't know. I include myself in this too!

I think part of it stems from is the cake a gift or is it a cake to share.

If it was a gift, she might not have wanted to cut it then - perhaps wasn’t hungry.

If it was to share, perhaps she was waiting for her mother to start to set it up?

So much of the can be fixed with clear communications Of expectations next time ?

eazybee

You made your daughter a birthday cake and she didn't offer you a piece?
Very bad manners, never mind about your son in law.

I completely agree. Very bad manners and rude.

Once again I offer my gratitude to all those positive and useful comments. Life can be complicated, but, next time I will take great care to a) make all the arrangements clear.
b) be upbeat and decisive I.e. take charge of the cake!
c) allow my SiL all the space he requires.
d) enjoy being with my daughter and grandchildren.
Hope all you lovely grans netters get to see your grand children soon.?

Ah, reading your replies M0ira I think everything will be ok for you all