Smacking children

Allsorts why have you focused your comment on me?

I didn't bring the bible or religion into discussion

Also, I didn't bring the idea that smacking is abuse into the discussion.

I said that I couldn't see where the line was between the two and that personally I believe smacking is wrong.

So many things done or accepted as ok in the past were wrong and with time quite rightly, we have changed our minds, and the law too in many cases. No one is saying they would smack children now, because they don’t.

As parents we are responsible for teaching our children how to behave, what is good what is not, but sitting explaining quietly ( time and time again) what they have done wrong and why can go in one ear...just doesn’t work.

Have to say our (middle aged ) children were generally better behaved than children now. They were part of the family of course, but not as seems now, the central focus which everything revolves round. I sometimes wonder how they will cope as they grow up. A hard lesson.

NOt sure about the black square.....

EllanVannin

Agree with you Antonia.

Violetsky, it wasn't my intention to be insulting. You are entitled to your theories (but I suggest you examine them once you have your own adult children). I am merely stating an opinion that in my view, your ideas are naive and ill thought out. I too have Christian friends of my own age, and they share my views on the upbringing of children. Their families too are well adjusted, stable and successful.

Thank you EllanVannin. I'm leaving this discussion now as I realise that there are widely differing opinions and that neither side will agree with the other.

Antonia I have already said I have 2 adult children.

It can be very difficult to let go of old practices that we engaged in.

These are our children, it is awful to think that we could have potentially harmed people we love.

I do understand that but the rules have changed and we have to let past practices go and keep looking for better ways forward

As has been said society has changed in many ways for the better and hitting children is now generally unacceptable whatever may have been the norm in the past.
Children in Scotland are afforded the same rights as adults in this respect. No matter what words you couch it in ie smacking, spanking or slapping to physically chastise or discipline a child, you can be charged with assault in Scotland, and the sooner the law is changed in England the better.

I'm against all physical punishment - usually all it does is build resentment. But I think a slap given in anger isn't as bad as a planned hit as part of a punishment regime. Too reminiscent of treatment in prison or concentration camp. Can become sadistic.
However the worst I've seen was a Headmaster chasing a naughty boy around his office waving a cane. The boy wouldn't hold his hand out to be caned. I had refused to cane him. This was about 1960. before corporal punishment in schools was banned.

VioletSky

Oh sorry halfpint I thought I was agreeing with you... If I wasn't I'm not sure what you mean

oops , re read your post and realise you were agreeing, apologies

I would love to be here in say another 15 ...20 years, and see if the adult children then feel they were harmed by lack of discipline. They may have issues of neglect, or just simply not being cared about enough for their parents to bother.

Who knows?

No problem. halfpint

DiscoDancer1975

I would love to be here in say another 15 ...20 years, and see if the adult children then feel they were harmed by lack of discipline. They may have issues of neglect, or just simply not being cared about enough for their parents to bother.

Who knows?

Why?

VioletSky Yes the first part of the Proverb is "Spare the rod..." that most assume means a physical implement. Elsewhere in the Bible it talks of the "rod of His mouth" when referring to the Lord disciplining the Israelites ... suggesting not necessarily a physical rod. It is great that sone parents have managed to discipline children without smacking although not sure what form of disciplne they used. As others have said it seems any form of discipline is labelled as abuse today.
The majority of people have no faith these days so understand they mock the Bible and it's teachings. However I have no idea where they get their sense of right or wrong from but probably fair to say they aren't in a good place to teach their children right from wrong. Can appreciate why they're happier to nothing than be accused of abuse.

HolySox

VioletSky Yes the first part of the Proverb is "Spare the rod..." that most assume means a physical implement. Elsewhere in the Bible it talks of the "rod of His mouth" when referring to the Lord disciplining the Israelites ... suggesting not necessarily a physical rod. It is great that sone parents have managed to discipline children without smacking although not sure what form of disciplne they used. As others have said it seems any form of discipline is labelled as abuse today.
The majority of people have no faith these days so understand they mock the Bible and it's teachings. However I have no idea where they get their sense of right or wrong from but probably fair to say they aren't in a good place to teach their children right from wrong. Can appreciate why they're happier to nothing than be accused of abuse.

So you think that people need faith or religion in order to understand right from wrong?

Ridiculous!

As a humanist I find it quite insulting that I need god to tell me what is right and wrong. I believe human ethics and morality is not set in stone but evolves over time. If you need to find your rules and guidance for behaviour in the bible that’s fine for you but not for me.

One of the previous posters abusive childhood memories broke my heart. However I will say I smacked both my children, not hard and on the leg, on very rare occasions such as when they ran out without looking on the road, or tried to touch an element on our old stove. Neither son said it did them any emotional damage, and they were both so energetic, the get on their level and reason with them wasn’t always particularly effective. My son and dil said they probably wouldn’t smack my gc, but though that gc gave them a fright and did something like the things I mentioned above they then might.

It’s also simply not true that any form of discipline is labelled abuse today.
There are disagreements about the best way to set limits or correct behaviours that are unacceptable or dangerous. That’s healthy - discussion

VioletSky

DiscoDancer1975

I would love to be here in say another 15 ...20 years, and see if the adult children then feel they were harmed by lack of discipline. They may have issues of neglect, or just simply not being cared about enough for their parents to bother.

Who knows?

Why?

Why what? What’s the question?

The animal kingdom seem to have the edge over us, they cuff, chastise their off spring in order to keep them out of harms way…… just saying …food for thought .

No it’s not abuse Iam64 but still assault under Scottish Law.

Discodancer

Why would you love that?

VioletSky

Discodancer

Why would you love that?

Just a point of interest. In much the same way you might wonder how anything might be in the future.

I'd hope things were better in the future. I'd rather be wrong and people be happy really

As a small child my mother frequently punished me in two ways. Either she would tell me to stand in a room until she was ready to come in and smack me hard on the back of my legs, or she would lock me in the coal shed for what seemed like hours, after assuring me there were rats in there.

Even now I wake up with night terrors of being locked in the coalshed but don't remember the physical pain of being smacked.

I'm so sorry that happened to you boheminan

Smacking is a complete lack of control on the part of the parents. It is always wrong. If you would not hit another adult with a weapon then it is a total misuse of power to do that to a child. No excuses. It is wrong.