Smacking children

Summerlove

According to some - you can always tell the children who weren’t smacked in public.

So, you must have been a hell raiser and just pretending you were well behaved. ???

I said to a neighbour once "I was never smacked as a child" and he said "And it shows".

I smacked one of mine once and think I was more upset than she was.

I must say I can't tell who was smacked and who wasn't on here.

I certainly don't believe in the naughty step I think it's downright cruel.

I was smacked once when I was almost three and I remember my dad sitting beside me on the bed crying with me

.He wouldn't have smacked me only his sister insisted I be smacked for repeating the F word that my sister had picked up at school and passed onto me.
My aunt was raised in a childrens home after her mother died when she was six and punishments were common being smacked by slippers and wooden spoons amongst them She thought I NEEDED smacked .He never hit me again and apologised for doing it many times in his life.
I never hit my children ,they weren't angels but I wouldn't hit an adult of comparable size to me so why would I lift my hand to a small child.It teaches them nothing exept that adults are bullies and inconsistent in their message."Dont hit your sister...but its ok for me to hit you"
My children dont smack their kids .I have no respect for any adult who hits children either "because they deserved it ,or its a way to teach them a lesson"Its lazy parenting and anger management issues that should be dealt with BEFORE you bring a child into the world

I smacked my daughter a couple of times. I regret it. As for the naughty step being downright cruelty, my father beat me so badly once, I had to have weeks off school. I wish we'd had a naughty step.

A rather difficult boy that I childminded would sometimes be sent upstairs to 'cool off' for ten minutes when he really misbehaved.

It wasn't too much of a punishment (there were plenty of toys and books etc. up there) - just separation from the other kids.

He always stopped on the stairs and said 'Can't you just smack me, like Mum does?'

I remember my young daughter being smacked by my husband. I think it only happened once and it was necessary. She kept picking up stones and putting them in her mouth which was obviously very dangerous and a real worry to us. She knew she shouldn't do it, she had been told a few times, and yet she did it again. So she got a smack and was told never do that again or you'll get another one. She never did it again. I have no regrets.

I just posted this on another thread. How many of you smackers would forgive being smacked by someone 10 times your size. Or if your husband smacked you because he was scared, tired, frustrated, angry or worried you were in danger?

I was chastised in some way as a small child, cried my heart out until my carer gave a me chocolate santa ? Chubby little thing that I was. I cannot remember the punishment. I do remember he cried.

Later life when I was returned to my mum and dad, she slapped, kicked, punched and tortured. I remember it all.

I know my carer regretted it, and never did it again.

I know my mum did it till I was 15 and reacted. It scared the Sh$t out of her. Yes, a Bully!!

So for the pro spankers. Can you give me on good reason for smacking your child?

Kate1949 I’m so that happened to you, I wish I could go back in time and scoop the child version of you away to somewhere safe. No child should feel unsafe in their home.

I was beaten with a belt as a child, by my mother, often for things I hadn't done (I had a younger brother who was usually the culprit). I used to lie in bed crying and wish she was dead.

All it taught me was that it would be better to lie if I was blamed for something.

As a child I resolved never to use smack or beat my children and they are both well balanced adults.

It's sort of obvious the damage that has been done to those who were smacked or did the smacking and think it is ok

They think smacking is ok

We have to stop normalising behaviour that is not ok

DillytheGardener

Kate1949 I’m so that happened to you, I wish I could go back in time and scoop the child version of you away to somewhere safe. No child should feel unsafe in their home.

When you even thing of the word "smacking". It's not a tap on the back of the hand. It's a smack. Intended to hurt! I still cannot see any reason for smacking a small child.

I was spanked as a child. So was Hubby. But I have never spanked my stepdaughter as I feel it is not my place, and I can count on one hand the number of times Hubby has spanked her since we have been together (and that's since she was five). She has always been a well-behaved child, but sadly at least part of that is due to the fact that she's been emotionally abused by her mother and stepfather. (The reason it was never reported is that they were never physically abusive, and her mom is a fabulous actress and was physically and emotionally abused herself as a child.)

Hubby told me that when he was a child and was smacked, FIL told him and his siblings to be thankful FIL wasn't using an army belt to smack them as his own father had! My response is, "So you're meant to be thankful he wasn't abusive???"

If we are able to have more children, I plan to avoid smacking if it is at all possible. I think there are better ways of encouraging children to behave.

Smacking is assault. I am ashamed to say that I smacked my eldest two children but not the third. There was a large age gap between them and I was re-educated in that time. My mam used to slap me across the face if I did anything wrong. It didnt matter where we were and it hurt both physically and mentally.

Any discipline based on fear is wrong in my opinion. I don’t want my children to fear me - and I do think that fear based discipline is abusive (in this day and age given what we now know).

My cabbage hating daughter is fine and enjoyed her upbringing in the countryside

I wasn’t and didn’t smack, know those that were and they just accepted it was the norm. My two were easy children however. Yet one doesn’t speak to me anymore. The biggest sadness, as I adore her.If I see anyone shouting or snacking a child it hurts me, they are so small and can’t defend themselves and what does it achieve, that child will find any way they can to avoid it. There are children who would try the patience of a saint.

Kate,unbearable your father was so evil. It seems no one was there to protect and nurture you. How many suffer this still.

I have three grandchildren living here, and I know it’s certainly not my place to smack them whatever the circumstances, but it would seem terribly wrong now, times change.

I can't remember my mother ever smacking me - but I almost wished she had. Instead, her form of 'discipline' was to belittle me and destroy every ounce of confidence and self-esteem I had, something which it took me the best part of 40 years to realise and something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I'm not saying I condone smacking, especially not in this day and age, but I would have got over a smack a lot quicker than what she did do to me.
And EllanVannin, I'm not having a go here, but what do you consider to be 'downright cruel' about the naughty step? It's not something I ever used with my children, so I'm genuinely interested in why you feel that way, as I know it's a punishment widely used by my parents nowadays.

I was smacked and hit a lot as a child, sometimes when I was naughty but sometimes for no reason that I could work out. I grew up hating my mother for it and left home as soon as I could ,though as an adult we made peace. I didn’t hit my children except once when one of them ran out into the road and I was so scared I just let fly across the back of her legs. She never did that again, I must admit.

We don't call it a naughty step, it's a time out...

Time to calm down and have a think about our choices. This is only when talking did not work, so talking can then happen after and we can make sure they understand their wrong choice and how to handle it differently in future

My husband says he and his brothers were hit with a stick kept by his mother for that purpose.
He doesn’t resent it one bit, says they probably all thoroughly deserved it.
He has only smacked one child on one occasion, and he still brings it up, and so does she!

Anniebach

How is it known the majority in prison didn’t come from
anti smacking homes ?

I spoke based on my work life experience. I’ve asked google :
Ministry of Justice research series 4/12. March 2012
The aim was to understand prisoners circumstances and reoffending. It concluded prisoners childhoods and family backgrounds were often problematic. A large minority reported having experienced abuse, experienced/observed violence or bern in care.

I’m not suggesting a swift smack on the hand or back if legs equates to living with the kind of abuse some posters had to experience. I’m also not suggesting that everyone subjected to abusive behaviour goes on to abuse.
My point was simply that our prisons are overly populated by adults who had traumatic, abusive and neglected childhoods.

EllanVannin, the naughty step or chair is often called the thinking step. Used occasionally, It doesn’t banish children for long periods, lock them in cupboards like one of my uncles was.