Smacking children

My son was forced to eat liver at school. They gave up when he was sick all over the table. Encouragement not enforcement.

Thank goodness no one is hit at school now. My husband was beaten frequently which just made him belligerent towards the teachers.

Thank you Iam that’s no surprise, but I was puzzled when you said ‘anti smacking homes’ , I imagined every prisoner on
admission being asked ‘were you ever smacked’ .

Sorry Anniebach for a sweeping generalisation.

My Mum and Dad never smacked me so perhaps that's why I haven't been a smacking Mum to my children. There are far better ways of dealing with it.

Oh course I didn’t smack my children. It is physical violence of the worse sort, where a much more powerful individual both physically and emotionally uses physical force to achieve nothing that an intelligent use of other strategies would bring about the desired result.

I find it utterly abhorrent.

I was smacked across my legs at school for getting a knot in my sewing. I was so scared of the teacher I had sat quietly pretending to se until she called me up to her desk. I was quivering in fright, so scared I wet myself. I was 7 years old. My mum went ballistic.

Being smacked, hit etc was normal in my school in the juniors,
rapped on knuckles , boys hair was tugged, head master would
grind his thumb between shoulder blades of pupils, boys were caned and on one occasion girls were, we got into school yards during summer holidays and slid on school roof, we were
reported, head asked who had been involved, we remained silent, he then called out our names, cane for sliding on roof
then again for not owning up.

Smacking by teachers and other staff went on at school too. It was not unusual to see children being smacked and shouted at by their parents in the street.
We now accept it as wrong, of course it’s wrong, but adult children will often find something to criticise their parents for and for those with young children now, don’t be surprised if they get criticism when their children grow up.
Just wondering what that might be about, Too much time online? Parents expectations too high? Too much fast food? I don’t know , what do Grans think ?

In my childhood it was certainly normal for smacking to occur. A smack with a ruler in school, or, very rarely, a caning on the bottom. Chalk or board rubber thrown across the room.
Outside school, adults would threaten to box a child’s ears or take a belt to them. My parents smacked me on the legs or bottom, not badly, but enough to let me know my behaviour was unacceptable. I have memories of my mum chasing my sister round the dining table with a hairbrush, trying to spank her. We were often threatened with “ wait till your father gets home” and we were on the whole, good children.

Iam64

CrazyH, yes it was reading that thread that prompted me to start this one. I didn’t want to post there, didn’t want to add to the OPs distress
Sumner love ?

The point about prisons is well made. The majority of people in prison didn’t come from anti smacking households

Years ago, the majority of people in prison came from smacking households. Now the majority in prison don’t. That’s just change over time.
I’m anti-smacking, but when I watch children assaulting their parents with kicks, slaps and punches at the park or in supermarkets, I do wonder about the claim that children learn from their parents. Are all those parents secret slappers, punchers and kickers or are all those children on the spectrum? Where did the children learn to do that?

My mums weapon of choice was a big wooden spoon. She used to chase us round the house waving it around and shouting. I wasn’t a naughty child. It just seemed to be normal parental behaviour. Never questioned.

I don’t agree with smacking children but I have to say some of the children these days are much ruder and brattier than we ever were. Their parents clearly don’t believe in telling them what they are doing wrong at all.

I think DiamondLily has it nipped in the bud on the other thread. She says, and forgive me if I don’t get the quote exactly right.....^a short slap on the back of the hand or legs, is oceans apart from abuse^

No doubt science will one day tell us we got it all wrong now, and reverse it all.

nanna8

I don’t agree with smacking children but I have to say some of the children these days are much ruder and brattier than we ever were. Their parents clearly don’t believe in telling them what they are doing wrong at all.

Yes...we’re too focused on the ‘ smack ‘ It’s a distraction to the real problem which is lack of authority, which can be there without the need for smacking most of the time.

Smacking was rare, and a last resort. Two of my children never needed it. The offence for which a smack was given...was never repeated.

At the same time, I knew people who smacked with no authority, and it didn’t work. The children just laughed and ran off.

It about getting perspective. I wasn’t perfect...but so far, all my children still speak to us?.

They have enough to contend with with their own children ?

I was never smacked as a child. In school the boys got the cane, girls didn’t. I can remember when I was little army friends of my dad who visited with their 14 year old son, weren’t happy with his behaviour so his dad took him outside and beat him up. We were appalled even though my dad would often give my brother a clout. This brings me on to say it was very sexist that girls didn’t get the same harsh treatment as boys.

In 1983 I worked in Fulham, teaching at an all black charity for women returning to work, ages ranged from 19 to 60. The students were from different islands, there was some tension as we were all in one room all day. One day it kicked off and two women had a fight, I was terrified and ran to get the Principal. Barbie - from Barbados - strode in, slapped them both very hard across the face, and walked out.

When I queried her method, as I understood from my training you shouldn't have any physical contact with a student, she said that was how her mother dealt with bad behaviour . She said she was regularly beaten as a child, with whatever was close to her mother's hands, that's just 'how it was'. Eye opening.

I was smacked by my mother and once by my father. I was a strong-willed child. My mother was the chief disciplinarian. she had probably been smacked as a child as I can remember being chased down a garden path by my maternal grandmother smacking me on the backside with a pan.
As an only child, I had to be perfect and I wasn't. I would much rather have had a smack finished than "Wait till daddy comes in' torture. I often told my misdemeanour before my mother got the chance. He would say don't do it again giving a reason and mum would storm out.
I trained as a teacher and anti-smacking came in. When I had a family I used my teacher tactics. My family cannot remember being smacked though I remember one for running up and down a slippery cast iron bath.
The naughty step hadn't been invented but in school, it was often a chair placed away from other children with a sand timer for a set time.
If asked they will say they were children of a teacher and were good children at home. One was bullied at school as a youngster and recently owned up to being a bully when they were in senior school. They said what you suffer you give back. Maybe that sums it up. None of the family smack but I have made one of the grandchildren have time out to calm down. their mum does the same.

I was smacked at home, a proper whacking 5 or 6 times on the bottom, usually by my father. We were also smacked in primary school on the bottom by class teachers, and for more serious misdemeanours caned by the headmaster. This was in the 1950's and at a school in a very middle class area.
I smacked my children occasionally, which I now regret.
My grandchildren have never been smacked.

halfpint1

My cabbage hating daughter is fine and enjoyed her upbringing in the countryside

I realise now that I was abused as I was persuaded to eat just two sprouts at Sunday dinner, I hated them. Now I love sprouts, cooked, raw, any way.

When I was table head at junior school the headmistress told me that if I let anyone leave anything on their plate, she'd stand over me and make me eat their leftovers, gristle and all. That's abuse. My mother rarely went into school but she did on that occasion. I was not threatened again.
That same headmistress hit me very hard on the knuckles with a ruler. Vile woman.

Callistemon
I remember sobbing into my liver and onions, just couldn’t eat it, gagged on every mouthful.
I would have much preferred a quick slap

I can't remember being forced to eat the sprouts but persuaded, ie "Daddy grew these sprouts, they're good for you, full of vitamins, children in Africa are starving" etc etc which would be termed emotional blackmail these days.

They all clapped the first time I finished all my dinner (I was a very skinny child).

I never forced mine to eat anything either,my mother had been a fussy eater all her life and didn't make us eat anything as long as we tried it once .I had a wee boy who was very prem and a terrible eater I used to spend whole days in tears cooking meal after meal to entice him to eat .At 15 months old he weighed just 17 pounds .It changed one day when he decided to just eat what the rest of us were having and within weeks he would eat anything .His favourites were sprouts and big chunks of cucumber ,anything grown in the garden or in his Papa's greenhouses .His daughters are both very good with food ,I have never eaten any fowl since I was a baby when I found out it was wee fluffy chicks ,or so my sister told me

Sara1954

Callistemon
I remember sobbing into my liver and onions, just couldn’t eat it, gagged on every mouthful.
I would have much preferred a quick slap

Was that at school? Dinners at junior school were truly horrible, how could they have made them so bad?
I'll never forget the gristly meat, the custard, full of hard little lumps.

I think in my day, special training was provided for junior school cooks to make meals as revolting as possible Callistemon.

I remember how we'd hide our grey mince under our grey lumpy mashed potato and yet, the puddings were always good. Maybe the pudding cook received different training.

Callistemon
Yes it was junior school, and we had to eat it all.
Most of the food was disgusting, but liver and onions, with swede, and lumpy mashed potato was my worst fear.