Smacking children

I'm 75 and one of four children. I was never smacked. My own 2 children were never smacked and neither has been my granddaughter. They have all been well behaved without physical abuse. My lovely daughter in law was brought up by a narcissistic father and a 'obedient' mother. She was regularly smacked by her mother and spanked by her father when he got home. She grew up quite frightened by authority and as an adult distanced herself from both parents.

I never smacked my children and was never smacked myself. However my mother was an expert in psychological abuse which had a profound effect on me.
I do not believe in smacking children for any reason

I remember being cracked across the hands with a ruler in school by the headmistress!

Physical violence against anyone is not ok - especially against children who are vulnerable and it can have life long consequences. Parenting is not easy - and I can recommend some wonderful books which really help (and never resort to hitting) These books would make a great gift for any parent - they are easy to read, understand the pressures parents face, and offer really helpful ideas. The first of these books (paperback and not expensive ) is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" by Adele Faber and one other author. There are other books in the series including one about parenting teens.

Lewie

I remember being cracked across the hands with a ruler in school by the headmistress!

Oh, me too, it still rankles as I wasn't the guilty party!!

www.goodreads.com/book/show/769016.How_to_Talk_So_Kids_Will_Listen_Listen_So_Kids_Will_Talk
This is the book I posted about earlier. I hope it reaches parents who are struggling or simply want really helpful ideas for themselves and their children's wellbeing.

Never be violent to anyone children, adults or animals.
If mine were nasty or naughty, they lost treats for a day or so
Length depending on their crime and age ..
It worked quite well, long as you stick to what you first say.
I also gave stars for being extra kind or thoughtful etc not for being well behaved that was more or less expected
10 stars was a treat .. they survived lol
mine did similar with their children.

If you asked my mum she’d tell you she smacked me but what she actually did was beat me. Regularly. For any misbehaviour, real or imagined. Not my younger sisters who would, very rarely, get a smack on the bum. All it taught me was to be scared of her and her temper and turned me into a nervous timid child who ended up scared to even talk at home in case I said the wrong thing. . She would still regularly slap me hard across the face until I was about 15 when I finally got up
the courage to tell her if she ever laid a hand on me again, I’d hit her back.
To my eternal shame, I once smacked my eldest son on his bum when he ran into the road and I couldn’t stop him as I was 8 months pregnant and couldn’t run. He doesn’t remember it at all but the thought of it is still enough to bring me to tears 25 years on.
I never laid a hand on either of my children in anger ever again.

A smack is somewhat preferable to a child running in the road and being killed or poking something into a socket and being electrocuted.

Still, those days are gone and no one would do it now.

My mum, very occasionally over the years, and under great duress, gave me the odd smack. I don't resent her for it. I think I must have been particularly awkward on those occasions. I wasn't a naughty child but I was 'lippy' and opinionated.

I was smacked and occasionally I smacked mine BUT I wish I hadn’t, I had 3 under 5 and they were horrors sometimes, but an adult smacking a small child (& I mean a tap on their hands or bottom) isn’t really right, it always made them cry and I always felt so awful afterwards !

It is frustrating to see young children in shops running under clothes rails, swinging on the clothes with sticky fingers while the mother says 'please' don't do that whilst looking up from a mobile phone. I smacked my children on the calf when they did something very dangerous so that they would remember not to do it again. They are now both well rounded individuals with lovely well behaved children. My daughter smacked her child similarly to me and there have been no bad effects rather he is a well disciplined person. As for eating cabbage 'might cause eating disorders' I would say that this is nonsense and pictures of size 4 and 6 skinny models and skinny glamorous people wearing next to nothing and sharing 'diet' secrets is the cause of most young girls eating disorders today because they aspire to look like that. I think smacking children has got out of hand because there are some wicked individuals who just don't know when to stop and cause massive injuries to their children like those seen in the press recently and so now all smacking even in the calf in extreme and dangerous incidents is banned.

I don’t think it’s been mentioned but in Scotland it became illegal in November 2020 “ All forms of physical punishment of children are against the law in Scotland. Children have the same legal protection from assault as adults.” I’ve certainly never seen anyone smacking a child in public since then, rightly so.

I was smacked on the leg for example, and I did the same to my 2 sons when they were small. I doubt it even hurt them. But for some people is how far does one go to call it abuse. This day & age now there’s so much you cannot do or shouldn’t, I guess if my children were small now you would see other ways for telling them off or try to discipline them etc.

I don't believe in smacking even though my mother did it to me frequently ( my father never did) I never smacked mine and they don't smack theirs.
I think there's other ways to discipline them like sending them to their room, my eldest would lay on her bed until she fell asleep and the youngest would say I was going to go to my room anyway

Violence is NEVER the answer,

EllanVannin

Physical violence is what's used today, Callistemon, what I used in the 60's was a " corrective " slap, no violence involved, a huge difference.

Sorry a “corrective” slap is violence !

Never smacked my children and my parents never smacked me.
I am well behaved polite and kind, that’s how I was brought up and my children are the same I raised by gd as well and she is very well behaved.

I was smacked, often very hard, by my father, (he was a school teacher) and once so strongly across the head that I went quite dizzy. It was because when I was in the paddling pool in Reading I didn't get out quickly enough.
The smacks mostly weren't so bad but the beatings really hurt. On one occasion at the age of 12 I had been caught reading with a candle in my bedroom. Not only was I beaten but the (new) book I was reading was torn up before my eyes. I ran away that night, which must have been a helluva shock for my parents. I finally returned in the early hours to their great relief.
My two years younger sister wasn't exempt.
Contrary to the pundits' description that beaten children were also violent, I'm a perfect example that it wasn't so. I never beat my two children though I can imagine that in extremis some children might benefit from a slapped wrist.
Incidentally, I got through the 11+ because Mr Higgins slapped my legs with a ruler when I made silly mistakes in arithmetic and later I passed 'O' level French when Mr I.G. Smith beat me with six strokes of a gym shoe for getting some impossible verb endings. Both experiences were very painful!

I don’t think smacking is right, but children do need boundaries, there needs to be consequences for their actions, time out, removal of toys etc. working with young children and seeing them, bite, punch and kick their parents to get what they want is concerning

If you "smacked" an adult in the same way, you'd be charged with assault. So no, don't assault children either.

I was smacked in the 1960's and honestly it didn't harm me, what harmed me more was my mothers other form of punishment sending me to Coventry for days on end, basically until I left notes on her pillow begging her to talk to me.
I was considered a very naughty ungrateful little girl, I now know I'm autistic. I did smack my children mostly I think from sheer exhaustion and frustration having never learned any tools on how to cope with anything, I wasn't allowed to cry either, I'm an only child and was dreadfully isolated.
My 3 are balanced adults, all in employment and never done drugs or been in trouble with the law but yes had normal teenage issues like we all did. I'm sure they hate me more for making them eat dinner in order to get pudding, but I do believe still we are way to lax with children now hence what we see going on.

I was smacked as a child. My Dad had a quick temper, was too ready to judge and deal with a situation the only way he knew how from his own upbringing. Today it would certainly be seen as excessive as he used to slap me over the head on occasion which hurt and caused a massive headache. My Mum was powerless to stop him although it used to upset her. She would slap me on the legs sometimes which was not as bad. My parents had a turbulent marriage; I don’t know how they managed to stay together, lack of options those days I suppose. So often violence in the home is a symptom of marital difficulties. Many of my contemporaries tell a similar story so it is not just my experience. I was a cheeky child so it didn’t cow me but it did my sister who even today hates to step outside her comfort zone, is a people pleaser and is quite fearful of all sorts of things. I put that down to bullying at a young age. Smacking is WRONG, it achieves NOTHING and it can cause lifelong damage to a vulnerable child. I never smacked my own children, my daughter doesn’t smack hers. If my husband was so inclined, he soon got the full force of my wrath and would proceed no further. Individuals are criminalised and jailed for assault on another adult. Why should it be any different for a CHILD?

I was smacked, very hard on some occasions, and with an open hand - mainly on calves - in school and at home. One teacher used to hit with a ruler. I remember it, but it hasn’t ruined my life. I don’t recall smacking my own children so much, but they both think an occasional smack for the right reason. ’Science’ cannot tell us anything because of the individual natures of children and the behaviour that might warrant the response. If a child persists in hurting other children, it might be appropriate to tap, open handed (never with fist, never around head) so that they can experience what the other child is going through. A lot more damage can be done psychologically by isolating a child for bad behaviour, which may have repercussions when they are older. A simple smack is over and done with

Smacking is a sign of failure and lack of imagination. One poster said it was better than a child running in the road. Think that one through! When would that smack happen? Presumably when a child has already moved towards danger? What does it teach them? Just that we panicked a d had no better way of showing them to stay clear. My daughters have well behaved children and rarely raise a voice or smack. The little friends who are most out of line often have overwhelmed parents or parents who had never been parented well. My best goes out to them but smacking is an error, they may resort to it but like many of our failures the outcome should be an apology not a justification.

“Heart” not “best” - lousy eyesight