Smacking children

Grandma70s

I never used the ”naughty step” or sent them to their bedrooms. I have an awful feeling they wouldn’t have stayed there if I had!

When they were old enough, I found fining their pocket money was effective. They were allowed to earn it back with good behaviour.

Haha yes, this reminds me of when I was about 12, I had two friends who were twins, not identical. I never saw them smacked. We were too old then anyway, but they would be told off and sent to their room, even if I was there.

One twin was definitely better behaved than the other, so she would be in and out of the room in about ten minutes. The other, much naughtier one, should have been there the rest of the afternoon.

She wasn’t though. They lived in a bungalow, so she just kept climbing out of the window until her parents gave up and laughed it off.....bless her.

No. It is never OK to smack a child, never has been, never will be. Smacking is abuse. Abuse is always wrong, always has been, always will be.

I don't know what percentage of people in prison were smacked or not smacked. What they do have in common is a disregard for authority.
What I do know is that being made to abide by established rules or suffer the consequences at an earlier age, might have prevented many of them ending up in prison.

I haven’t seen any posters who tried or succeeded to avoid smacking children, suggest that one slap across the legs (for example) equates to a child having an abusive childhood. Any more than anyone suggests standing over a child sobbing on the step iss good alternative form of discipline

Setting boundaries, in a calm, kind, consistent way is part of bringing children up. Something that hurts, humiliates or frightens children isn’t ok

Iam64 I agree, it's not always the smacking itself that is the problem it is the fear and the emotional stress it causes

I have a grandson who has the most terrible meltdowns, they come out of nowhere, he’s absolutely out of control.
Slapping him would have no affect at all, you would never be able to physically put him on a naughty step.
We just sit it out, till eventually, completely exhausted, he falls asleep.

I was kind of proud of being smacked, all our large extended family were smacked fairly often.WhenI went to grammar school classmates would be concerned if I had hand-shape bruises, but I just thought, Well, you're different, but where I come from it's normal and we're tough enough to take it.
As someone said, it is the shame & fear that do the damage, & because we weren't hit all that hard, & it was normalised, I was honestly much more upset by going to the dentist. I think I smacked my elder son twice & my younger one once, not in a temper or for control,but to deter them from dangers. But I wish I'd never smacked them at all.

GILLT57 About the worst thing anyone can do is force a child to eat, especially something that it doesn't like. That's worse than smacking and has far longer lasting consequences too.

I know that many on GN will say there is no difference but to me a little tap on the hand is vastly different to being beaten with a belt or ruler/ stick . My thing was a "look" ?I used to say " if give the look at you know you have done wrong" , although I have probably given a few taps too.

We had a clear policy of no smacking with both our children.
I "broke" it once with my 2 year old daughter when she stuck her damp fingers in an electric plug hole - I pulled her hand away, tapped her hand quite hard, said "No!" very firmly ...she stared at me in shock, I stared at her in shock ...and we had a cuddle!! I then sat with her and demonstrated "No fingers in plugs" and "Hurt" etc in various ways! We actually had plug covers everywhere and the cover had accidentally got left off when Hoovering I think!

We used "thinking time" quite a lot and both children had a corner in their room for thinking and calming down with calming things to look at. They both knew that once calm, whatever the problem was would be discussed.

It generally worked for us but I do remember how easy it would have been to lose ones temper and smack ...on "those days" that we all have!!

Sara1954

I have a grandson who has the most terrible meltdowns, they come out of nowhere, he’s absolutely out of control.
Slapping him would have no affect at all, you would never be able to physically put him on a naughty step.
We just sit it out, till eventually, completely exhausted, he falls asleep.

This makes an important point for me Sara1954. Some children are more of a challenge than others. Some are awful toddlers but ok teenagers.

Nobody is suggesting he should be beaten until he stops having a tantrum.

oldnproud your two comments could have been written by me! I, too, smacked my children when they had really tried my patience too far. I am not proud of it and I wish I hadn't done it. But I cannot turn back the clock. Nor did I beat, batter or thrash them. And to say a smack is the same as battering a child is like accusing someone who has an occasional glass of wine is an alcoholic. Smacking was a very occasional occurrence and there were far far more hours of loving and cuddles and kisses. I also wish I had had the sort of children who had responded to the naughty step or "the look". They really were Street Saints, House Devils. I vividly remember coming back from one parents evening and just crying because I wanted this beautiful, polite, well behaved child that my DSs teacher had been describing. They are now absolutely delightful, loving, caring, successful adults of whom I could not be prouder. We are remarkably close and I delight in their company as they do in ours.

I was smacked as a child, usually because I'd pushed my mother to the limit and she lost control. It was never hard and tbh I don't think it did me any harm at all and in hindsight it wasn't abusive. I didn't smack my children, probably because my life has been so much easier and I wasn't as stressed. What did affect me was the dreadful relationship between my parents who stayed together because that is what people did in those days. The rows, crying and just general unhappiness made life as a child, rather more difficult than it should have been.Reading some of these posts I just feel there's a real intolerance and lack of understanding of how difficult it is to always "do the right thing" by children but also of how accepting and tolerant children can be, even when a much loved parent "let's them down". My mother smacked me but I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me and for me, at least, that made it OK.
When I was doing a year of unqualified teaching in a Midlands industrial town, I had a 7 year old throw some scissors at another child, I marched him to the headmaster because I wanted him to know that this behaviour was completely unacceptable. The head used the taws on him. Over 50 years later I can still see this child's face and remember his name. That was cold abusive violence, completely different to the smack I got from a parent who loved me and whom I loved. I never again took a child to the head.

No, it’s never okay to smack a child.

I raised children, I know that it happens. I know how young children can push buttons. But it’s up to the parents to learn how to deal with their frustration better. Children are only being children.

I smacked my eldest DS once. I immediately apologised, hugged him and couldn’t sleep for about a week after it.

I never raised a hand to any of my children ever again. I was smacked as a child and the only thing I learned from it was that I was “bad” and deserved to be mistreated - which I allowed to happen to me in my adult life.

There were other things going on than me just being smacked though. I had an incredibly emotionally immature mother, so I was often subjected to silent treatment, amongst other things.

I don’t know how things would have turned out for me had I had an otherwise emotionally healthy mum. I suspect that an emotionally healthy parent wouldn’t be smacking their children routinely, however.

They really were Street Saints, House Devils.

Brilliant, LizabethAnn
Mine could be so trying at times but other people said how polite and well-behaved they were
?

Foxie48 my sister was a teacher. She has a similar story
My 4 year old, youngest in her reception class came home day 4 and asked me if I thought it was ok to hit a boy with a slipper
The nine year old had broken a window with a football.
I said no of course not. We discussed how she felt. It’s my eternal regret I didn’t go in to school to complain. I was very young and didn’t want to get my child identified as the one with the stroppy hippy mum

I can't recall smacking my DD. My twin sons though did have their back of their hands smacked quite a bit fir touching things I thought were dangerous eg electric plugs,radiator valves, unscrewing taps. Goodness, thinking back it's a wonder the house is still standing. Both are engineers!

Occasionally I smacked my children but I wish I hadn't. That said, they both love me and allow me to look after their children. Needless to say, the GC are never ever smacked. They are sometimes naughty but patience and understanding the better way. Wish I'd known.

No! Didn’t smack any of my three and they all turned out ok. If we hit adults we could (quite rightly) be breaking the law, so is it ok to smack children but not adults?

I was smacked by my mother.Leaving marks and not just the visible kind.

My step-father smacked me with a leather belt when I was “naughty” starting when I was about 7 when he married my mum (she was divorced) It was considered a suitable form of punishment in the 50s. . I hated him for it and was a rebel from an early age! He kept a cane on top of a shelf and it was put on the table at mealtimes for him to rap our knuckles if our manners weren’t up,to scratch. My mother broke a wooden spoon whacking my brother. In junior school we were hit on the backside with a plimsoll - a white one for the girls and a black one for the boys. Bits of chalk would come flying at you and also the dreaded wooden board duster! In senior school it was a ruler on the palm of your hand. I never smacked my children (though my palm itched a few times …) I saw a therapist once for something, can’t remember what, and she said “you were an abused child”. I was horrified as I’d never thought of it as abuse, it was just normal to me! Reading back it looks an awful way to treat a child.

I was clipped on the ear by my dad regularly - I must have been bad! Has that anything to do with my deafness now?

EllanVannin

GILLT57 About the worst thing anyone can do is force a child to eat, especially something that it doesn't like. That's worse than smacking and has far longer lasting consequences too.

I disagree. Being strict with my children on eating their veggies has led to 3 of them being vegetarians .
The trend now seems to be letting them choose. When I look at the increasing obesity figures and the consumption of sugar laden produce leading to diabetes, and other major health issues, I feel strictness on a tablespoon of veggies did not amount to abuse.

I was never smacked. Then again I wasn't cuddled either.
My kids were occasionally smacked. I always felt so bad afterwards, so stopped at some point. Both of them are anti smacking. My daughter rang me recently because she'd for the first time smacked her 9 year old son. He's lovely but can be quite a handful. I was surprised she'd told me!! My reply was "waste of time, walk away"!