Smacking children

I don’t think it’s been mentioned but in Scotland it became illegal in November 2020 “ All forms of physical punishment of children are against the law in Scotland. Children have the same legal protection from assault as adults.” I’ve certainly never seen anyone smacking a child in public since then, rightly so.

It is frustrating to see young children in shops running under clothes rails, swinging on the clothes with sticky fingers while the mother says 'please' don't do that whilst looking up from a mobile phone. I smacked my children on the calf when they did something very dangerous so that they would remember not to do it again. They are now both well rounded individuals with lovely well behaved children. My daughter smacked her child similarly to me and there have been no bad effects rather he is a well disciplined person. As for eating cabbage 'might cause eating disorders' I would say that this is nonsense and pictures of size 4 and 6 skinny models and skinny glamorous people wearing next to nothing and sharing 'diet' secrets is the cause of most young girls eating disorders today because they aspire to look like that. I think smacking children has got out of hand because there are some wicked individuals who just don't know when to stop and cause massive injuries to their children like those seen in the press recently and so now all smacking even in the calf in extreme and dangerous incidents is banned.

I was smacked and occasionally I smacked mine BUT I wish I hadn’t, I had 3 under 5 and they were horrors sometimes, but an adult smacking a small child (& I mean a tap on their hands or bottom) isn’t really right, it always made them cry and I always felt so awful afterwards !

A smack is somewhat preferable to a child running in the road and being killed or poking something into a socket and being electrocuted.

Still, those days are gone and no one would do it now.

My mum, very occasionally over the years, and under great duress, gave me the odd smack. I don't resent her for it. I think I must have been particularly awkward on those occasions. I wasn't a naughty child but I was 'lippy' and opinionated.

If you asked my mum she’d tell you she smacked me but what she actually did was beat me. Regularly. For any misbehaviour, real or imagined. Not my younger sisters who would, very rarely, get a smack on the bum. All it taught me was to be scared of her and her temper and turned me into a nervous timid child who ended up scared to even talk at home in case I said the wrong thing. . She would still regularly slap me hard across the face until I was about 15 when I finally got up
the courage to tell her if she ever laid a hand on me again, I’d hit her back.
To my eternal shame, I once smacked my eldest son on his bum when he ran into the road and I couldn’t stop him as I was 8 months pregnant and couldn’t run. He doesn’t remember it at all but the thought of it is still enough to bring me to tears 25 years on.
I never laid a hand on either of my children in anger ever again.

Never be violent to anyone children, adults or animals.
If mine were nasty or naughty, they lost treats for a day or so
Length depending on their crime and age ..
It worked quite well, long as you stick to what you first say.
I also gave stars for being extra kind or thoughtful etc not for being well behaved that was more or less expected
10 stars was a treat .. they survived lol
mine did similar with their children.

www.goodreads.com/book/show/769016.How_to_Talk_So_Kids_Will_Listen_Listen_So_Kids_Will_Talk
This is the book I posted about earlier. I hope it reaches parents who are struggling or simply want really helpful ideas for themselves and their children's wellbeing.

Lewie

I remember being cracked across the hands with a ruler in school by the headmistress!

Oh, me too, it still rankles as I wasn't the guilty party!!

Physical violence against anyone is not ok - especially against children who are vulnerable and it can have life long consequences. Parenting is not easy - and I can recommend some wonderful books which really help (and never resort to hitting) These books would make a great gift for any parent - they are easy to read, understand the pressures parents face, and offer really helpful ideas. The first of these books (paperback and not expensive ) is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" by Adele Faber and one other author. There are other books in the series including one about parenting teens.

I remember being cracked across the hands with a ruler in school by the headmistress!

I never smacked my children and was never smacked myself. However my mother was an expert in psychological abuse which had a profound effect on me.
I do not believe in smacking children for any reason

I'm 75 and one of four children. I was never smacked. My own 2 children were never smacked and neither has been my granddaughter. They have all been well behaved without physical abuse. My lovely daughter in law was brought up by a narcissistic father and a 'obedient' mother. She was regularly smacked by her mother and spanked by her father when he got home. She grew up quite frightened by authority and as an adult distanced herself from both parents.

I was never smacked. Then again I wasn't cuddled either.
My kids were occasionally smacked. I always felt so bad afterwards, so stopped at some point. Both of them are anti smacking. My daughter rang me recently because she'd for the first time smacked her 9 year old son. He's lovely but can be quite a handful. I was surprised she'd told me!! My reply was "waste of time, walk away"!

EllanVannin

GILLT57 About the worst thing anyone can do is force a child to eat, especially something that it doesn't like. That's worse than smacking and has far longer lasting consequences too.

I disagree. Being strict with my children on eating their veggies has led to 3 of them being vegetarians .
The trend now seems to be letting them choose. When I look at the increasing obesity figures and the consumption of sugar laden produce leading to diabetes, and other major health issues, I feel strictness on a tablespoon of veggies did not amount to abuse.

I was clipped on the ear by my dad regularly - I must have been bad! Has that anything to do with my deafness now?

My step-father smacked me with a leather belt when I was “naughty” starting when I was about 7 when he married my mum (she was divorced) It was considered a suitable form of punishment in the 50s. . I hated him for it and was a rebel from an early age! He kept a cane on top of a shelf and it was put on the table at mealtimes for him to rap our knuckles if our manners weren’t up,to scratch. My mother broke a wooden spoon whacking my brother. In junior school we were hit on the backside with a plimsoll - a white one for the girls and a black one for the boys. Bits of chalk would come flying at you and also the dreaded wooden board duster! In senior school it was a ruler on the palm of your hand. I never smacked my children (though my palm itched a few times …) I saw a therapist once for something, can’t remember what, and she said “you were an abused child”. I was horrified as I’d never thought of it as abuse, it was just normal to me! Reading back it looks an awful way to treat a child.

I was smacked by my mother.Leaving marks and not just the visible kind.

No! Didn’t smack any of my three and they all turned out ok. If we hit adults we could (quite rightly) be breaking the law, so is it ok to smack children but not adults?

Occasionally I smacked my children but I wish I hadn't. That said, they both love me and allow me to look after their children. Needless to say, the GC are never ever smacked. They are sometimes naughty but patience and understanding the better way. Wish I'd known.

I can't recall smacking my DD. My twin sons though did have their back of their hands smacked quite a bit fir touching things I thought were dangerous eg electric plugs,radiator valves, unscrewing taps. Goodness, thinking back it's a wonder the house is still standing. Both are engineers!

Foxie48 my sister was a teacher. She has a similar story
My 4 year old, youngest in her reception class came home day 4 and asked me if I thought it was ok to hit a boy with a slipper
The nine year old had broken a window with a football.
I said no of course not. We discussed how she felt. It’s my eternal regret I didn’t go in to school to complain. I was very young and didn’t want to get my child identified as the one with the stroppy hippy mum

They really were Street Saints, House Devils.

Brilliant, LizabethAnn
Mine could be so trying at times but other people said how polite and well-behaved they were
?

No, it’s never okay to smack a child.

I raised children, I know that it happens. I know how young children can push buttons. But it’s up to the parents to learn how to deal with their frustration better. Children are only being children.

I smacked my eldest DS once. I immediately apologised, hugged him and couldn’t sleep for about a week after it.

I never raised a hand to any of my children ever again. I was smacked as a child and the only thing I learned from it was that I was “bad” and deserved to be mistreated - which I allowed to happen to me in my adult life.

There were other things going on than me just being smacked though. I had an incredibly emotionally immature mother, so I was often subjected to silent treatment, amongst other things.

I don’t know how things would have turned out for me had I had an otherwise emotionally healthy mum. I suspect that an emotionally healthy parent wouldn’t be smacking their children routinely, however.

I was smacked as a child, usually because I'd pushed my mother to the limit and she lost control. It was never hard and tbh I don't think it did me any harm at all and in hindsight it wasn't abusive. I didn't smack my children, probably because my life has been so much easier and I wasn't as stressed. What did affect me was the dreadful relationship between my parents who stayed together because that is what people did in those days. The rows, crying and just general unhappiness made life as a child, rather more difficult than it should have been.Reading some of these posts I just feel there's a real intolerance and lack of understanding of how difficult it is to always "do the right thing" by children but also of how accepting and tolerant children can be, even when a much loved parent "let's them down". My mother smacked me but I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me and for me, at least, that made it OK.
When I was doing a year of unqualified teaching in a Midlands industrial town, I had a 7 year old throw some scissors at another child, I marched him to the headmaster because I wanted him to know that this behaviour was completely unacceptable. The head used the taws on him. Over 50 years later I can still see this child's face and remember his name. That was cold abusive violence, completely different to the smack I got from a parent who loved me and whom I loved. I never again took a child to the head.

oldnproud your two comments could have been written by me! I, too, smacked my children when they had really tried my patience too far. I am not proud of it and I wish I hadn't done it. But I cannot turn back the clock. Nor did I beat, batter or thrash them. And to say a smack is the same as battering a child is like accusing someone who has an occasional glass of wine is an alcoholic. Smacking was a very occasional occurrence and there were far far more hours of loving and cuddles and kisses. I also wish I had had the sort of children who had responded to the naughty step or "the look". They really were Street Saints, House Devils. I vividly remember coming back from one parents evening and just crying because I wanted this beautiful, polite, well behaved child that my DSs teacher had been describing. They are now absolutely delightful, loving, caring, successful adults of whom I could not be prouder. We are remarkably close and I delight in their company as they do in ours.