Adult children.

I agree with everyone who says get WhatsApp. The younger crowd do not like phone calls. It gets worse the younger they are. I have teens and they just will not use the phone. Would even prefer to make appointments online if they can.

I have several group texts always going. Me with my sisters, me with my husband, sister and BIL, and me with my husband and both kids. We are in constant contact daily because of this.

grannyrebel7

That's sons for you, mine is exactly the same. We have a great relationship, but it's always me who has to call him. My daughter on the other hand calls me regularly probably about three times a week sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it Jezra.

I agree. I have three sons who do just the same. But there in an instant if I need them, as I am sure your son would be Jezra

Nothing to worry about though.

I have two sons, 55 and 53. My older son texts me several times a week but the number of texts from my younger son on my phone are in single figures. They are very different personalities, my younger son is a man of few words like his Dad but has a heart of gold, is always happy to see us, would always be there for us if we needed him and I have many texts a week from his wife. When I think back I used to have to nag my DH to call his mother but of course he loved her dearly. Don’t be sad, your relationship is very typical these days.

I feel so upset. We have always tried to support and help all 3 of our adult children. They all seem happily married and have good jobs. We decided some years ago that we would help them financially if we could while they were still young and needed the money, rather them wait and inherit it. Over the last 20 years we have given them a very substantial amount of money each, always equal amounts.. However recently we have felt that our two daughters have been very inconsiderate and at times very hurtful. One daughter lives abroad and was due to come home on a visit during the pandemic, she got upset over the fact that her brother couldn't come to see her exactly when she wanted, she was angry with him and then fell out with us because she said we took his side. In a temper she cancelled her trip home which really upset me esp as we had the pandemic and had little opportunity to see her (in the end it was over a year before we got to see her). She moaned to her sister who decided not to speak to us for over 2 months. She later told me that she did it to support her sister. I became so stressed that I became ill with it all. Last September the daughter who is abroad got married we paid £20000 towards it. Today we got some packages delivered, photo albums from the wedding. One large and two small, she wants us to take them over when we next visit. I assumed that one of them was for us but no they are both for her husbands parents (they are divorced) none for us. I feel really hurt. When I said Oh! she said well they asked us for an album each they paid for the photographer as a present. I feel taken for granted. When they fell out with us before I said how can you behave like this after all we have done for you, to which my daughter said you shouldn't use money as a weapon. I wasn't even thinking of the money! It was so hurtful. I really don't know how to cope with them, Im frightened of upsetting them as they may stop talking to us again. I keep thinking what have we ever done to deserve being treated like this.

Thanks marymary62.

I think that’s right Jezra - it sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your son, let it be as it is and be joyful x

Aw thanks everyone everyone, I feel so much better. I tend to send him communications by Messenger on fb and he does reply, albeit concise!
However, when we do meet up it’s great and quality time so I should be grateful and does it really matter if it’s me who does all the initial messages? Probably not. ?

The good thing about whatsapp is that everyone can answer when they have time... a comment or question can just sit there until you have a moment to reply... no pressure..no interruption... and sometimes can be handy if you need a think about the response you want to make.

We have a WhatsApp group which is used regularly. Mostly just lighthearted chat and photos. Mine aren't the sort for lots of phone calls, only if it's for something specific.

So many mums feel as you do Jezra and I always think it's the quality of the contact you have that matters rather than the quantity.

Before moving to Aus. 8 years ago, our DS lived a 10 minute drive away for 3 years. We didn't see very much of him and there was just the occasional 'phone call. Now we face time usually once a week so have more regular contact with him now than we ever used too!!

DS calls us from the car on his way home from school on Tuesdays. However, we have had Covid recently so he has been calling everyday. I don’t expect it will last. I think he assumes that having three DC and a dog excuses his behaviour and he relies on his DS. However, he phones his grand mother every day. So I have to forgive him.

Same here, apart from my daughter who rings me when she is free and we can be on the phone for over an hour catching up. One way of looking at is that once we would write to each other, then when having a phone became more affordable we transferred to doing that , now it is quicker and easy sometimes to use Whatsapp or texts. Its all part of the progress of life. I try not to worry if i don't hear from my sons 'cos i know i would if there was a problem.

When my oldest daughter left home, I would ring her one evening a week for a long chat. Over the years I became reluctant to ring, as busy family life took over, and I didn’t want to become an inconvenience.

Sometimes one of us will ring for a nice long chat, but it’s all mainly text or WhatsApp

I have five sons and I initiate the vast majority of calls. Sometimes our youngest son calls us but the others rarely do unless they want something! However they are happy to chat when I call. I think it is just a male thing!

I have 2 ds and l notice they never call anyone it's all whatsapp etc so it's like phone calls hardly feature in their lives. They do call but its mostly me calling them but l like that as l have picked a time that l am relaxed and ready to chat. I also post random comments to them on WhatsApp which keep the lines of communication open. We have a lot of the same interests in films, sports, politics so comments go over and back depending on what's happening.
They can also message me during work where a phone obviously wouldn't be on. My dd calls me often for longer chats but l feel equally close to each one . When one of my ds was travelling l did have words with him about keeping in touch and he has been brilliant since.
I wouldn't become too focused on who is initiating calls just enjoy chatting when it happens.

I don’t think it’s anything to worry about , sounds like he is loving and caring. Telephone conversations are a bit ‘old hat ‘ and I expect he finds it hard to think about just calling you for ‘no reason’ . I remember my mum used to call me on the dot of 10.30 every Sunday after I left home and I found it intensely irritating ! She also wrote long rambling letters and sent paper cuttings ...... I barely ever rang her or wrote - I was so busy with work, home and then kids . I loved her dearly though and when I was older and she was in her 80’s and 90’s and alone I travelled 3 hours twice a week to see her, bathe her and check the carers were doing what they should. I wanted her to live nearer but she refused - which hurt me at the time ! A phone call is not an indication of anything really - I have two beloved daughters who in their twenties and early thirties rarely called - and then only because they wanted things or needed to tell me something . Mostly we send WhatsApp messages when we have something to say ...... or find a common love of something to talk about. I’m sure your son will be loving and supportive all your life and when you need him he will be there for you. Don’t feel sad that he doesn’t ring you x

With my AC, my keeping odd hours is an unexpected blessing. By the time she’s home from work, takes care of whatever house chores and dinner, plus unwinds, she’s often calling between 11 pm and 2am! Definitely not something that would work for the typical schedule .

Do you text at all? Being able to drop a quick message for whenever they have a moment works to keep communication going too.

After I had called at a couple of 'inconvenient' times I turned the initiative on to my son by saying he was the busier one therefore it made more sense for him to call me. Worked so far....... fingers crossed.......

I see my son every day at work, we get along fine, never really had any problems or falling out with him ever.
But I’m positive that if we didn’t see each other every day, he would never contact us, it would always be the other way around.
I don’t mind, it’s how he is.

A WhatsApp conversation, as already suggested, is a good idea as it didn't need both / all the people to be available at the same time.

Thanks for all your kind replies. Yes, I guess that’s sons for you and it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Because I only have one son, I have made a point of not making him a mummies boy. He is kind and caring and leads a very busy life, is young and has many interests and hobbies on top of work and family life.
He never seems to mind me getting in touch and does get in touch if he needs something or is unhappy about things so I guess I’m just turning into an old Biddy and need to lighten up and fill up my life with more things.

Jezra I was still thinking about this while I ran a bath, we come at this from a different direction to them..

They have had a couple of decades of watching us be strong, finding a way to overcome all life's issues, always finding time or making time

We have had a couple of decades of them being dependant on us, worrying about all the challenges they face in life, helping them achieve milestones, trying to hide our stresses and struggles to protect them

We are always mum, this is always home and we are always going to check on them and worry about whether they have clean pants on

It's just a normal dynamic sometimes and I expect it will change as they mature or we start to need them

That's sons for you, mine is exactly the same. We have a great relationship, but it's always me who has to call him. My daughter on the other hand calls me regularly probably about three times a week sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it Jezra.

I feel the same about the children living their own lives but we have a group whatsapp that keeps us in touch in an informal way. Could you do that?

Jezra I would not worry about this. It sounds like you have a good relationship with them both. Our adult children are both so different. One rings almost daily and always with his problems! The other one never tells of problems unless forced to. This one only rings or txt if they need something. However, once grandchildren are on the scene it could well change!! He may never be off the phone. Go with the flow. You will benefit in the future, I am sure of it.