Granddad in desperate need of advice

Hithere

OP

Your obsession with your GD and 1-1 isn't healthy.

Do you have friends, social network, hobbies?

Your posts points to your GD being the center of your life

I agree totally with all of the above.

Standad you said One of eight we were for ever being sent away to relation not for emergencies and my parents could not afford to go out. Perhaps parents struggled to cope in those days, raising large families.
These days, with only one child or a few children lives are very different, things are very different. Someone with one precious child is simply not going to farm them out to random relatives. Especially not these days.

As for going to London, I don't know how you were planning on getting there but at almost 80, I might have concerns about your driving if I was your daughter. I might have other safety concerns too. Why don't you invite your daughter as well? I don't understand the obsession with 1:1. If you want 1:1 why don't you invite your daughter out for lunch when your GD is at school?

I think your Grandaughter would welcome bringing a friend along with her to visit you children don’t necessary enjoy being on their own with family they have so much more fun in the company of other like minded friends. She’ll remember these times as being more fun rather than just being with grandad. I think your Grandaughter would prefer these memories above all else you can offer her so much more in offering this experience. You too can have so much fun with two bouncing Youngsters - learn from them grandad

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Every few weeks, can you ask your D if there's anything new or different that your GD would like to do? (either the two or you or with mum too. Maybe include dad). That way your daughter will feel that you respect her views, and GD will have the chance to do new things should she want. These may be very different from the things that you think she'd like, but that's not the point.

Maybe it’s a wind up maybe not it makes no difference in my book, old men and young children - boys or girls, don’t mix, there is always suspicion, even family members.

I never entrusted my boys to other men at scout camps, sports etc I went myself. My DILs do pretty much the same today.

The gd will grow up and get more independent - she will prefer time with friends, not family.
What will you do then when she doesnt want spend time with you?

The plan of 5 star restaurant + sleepover falls more into the romantic interest field than what a child would like.

Sounds like you made her your surrogate partner?

The use of young lady is also off putting. She is a child.

Want to spend....

Exactly hithere.

If this is a wind-up, please push off.

If this isn't a wind-up, please listen to what you've been told her and respect your DGD's parents' wishes.

*what you've been told here

Hithere

The gd will grow up and get more independent - she will prefer time with friends, not family.
What will you do then when she doesnt want spend time with you?

The plan of 5 star restaurant + sleepover falls more into the romantic interest field than what a child would like.

Sounds like you made her your surrogate partner?

The use of young lady is also off putting. She is a child.

I completely agree. I would not leave her alone if I were her mum. Too many alarm bells

I am afraid the rose tinted glasses have to come off. You are lucky to have the amount of contact you do.

I think you should be very happy with the contact you have and with the relationship with your GD without wishing for more.

"If you think I want more time with my D and GD no way. IF D said you can have 2 hours 1-1 with GD but you cannot see her for another year a month ago, I would have taken it."

This is just bizarre. Boundaries being pushed, criticisms of her mother (your actual child) and some very odd use of language.

I agree with the “young lady” bit. I found that bordering on creepy. Linguistically, too, there are some inconsistencies.

Standad If you want 1:1 why don't you invite your adult daughter out for lunch when your GD is at school? Or one of your friends? Adults.

Why are you so fixated on the "young lady?"

[Hmm]

Haven't read all the thread as it is too long but it sounds very weird to me. Why are you banging on about sleepovers? The child is not allowed to have sleepovers clearly with anyone not just you and if you are 80 then it is a bit off to expect that - firstly you are 80 and anything could happen to you and again it is weird for an 80 year old man to want a 9 year old girl to have a sleepover. Oh I see vegansrock thinks the same. Maybe I would change weird to dodgy actually given the rest of your replies to people if this is real.

I also think weird Elaine1 , but was beating around the bush in case it was genuine.

He did say yesterday that if people complained, they were probably jealous of his money and he wouldn't be reading!

Giving him the slight benefit of the doubt, at best he may have lost his inhibitory filters of what's actually socially acceptable?

Isn't it weird - that, only on Gransnet (it seems) people crave time alone with grandchildren?

Two 'sets' of mine often stay with me, for days or weeks - yet another lot are always with their mum and/or dad - so when they stay, the whole family tend to come.

I've never been fussed about alone time or outings, just happy to tag along to events and babysit when asked. I don't feel the need to build special memories either. They know I'm here to help when I can.

I am a bit surprised this thread is still open!

n a way I hope his daughter is reading this thread. He has named his GD (if the name was not changed) and said some troubling things.

The cognitive decline of old age can make some people lose their inhibitions about what behaviours are appropriate. Obviously we all know this is not "ok", but he doesn't seem to be able to accept it. Sad for his daughter and GD.

If they exist

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

sago please put my comments into context and don’t ridicule my suggestion I don’t think you’ve got the gist of my meaning
But I’m not saying any more you’ve got me disputing your comments now and it’s not a good place for me to be in. No more will I say on this subject

Yes Bellanonna.

Hopefully now Standad realises that his filters might be a bit up the creek and can adjust his expectations accordingly.