Granddad in desperate need of advice

Particularly the drip-feed about wealth

[Hmm]

Money can buy you a lot of things, but it can't buy you love.

It can buy you companionship and some other things, but I cannot see what the relevance of a sleep over is. As someone said earlier in the post, it's good to spend time with our GC when they are awake. No memories are made during sleep!

Be happy with what you have and enjoy your GD in her waking hours.

I’m afraid I think you’ve been had!
If you haven’t and this poster is for real then that’s worrying.

I'm with you Sago. I doubt the veracity of much that has been purported to be from an 80 year old man. Some of the language doesn't ring true either. Someone is playing games.

First, I would like to thank all those that responded to my first post. I am no wiser now than when I started. I will reply to those comments (post my last post) that I feel need a reply then I will close my account with Gransnet any comments after this post will not be read or get a response from me.
I wish you all the very best for the future.

You are doing great! The sleepover thing - I never did it as a child, did you? Glad you've some lovely advice here.

So you don’t like or really want advice Standad you just wanted agreement and to prove your daughter and son-in-law law are wrong and you are right
Good luck for the future I hope you continue do have a good relationship with both children and grandchildren Be very careful of the pedestal though your granddaughter will be a teenager in a blink and may move on in High school to running in the woods with her friends instead of granddad
Our time with a grandchild goes in the blink of an eye
Have a back up hobby and friends for when that happens

You sound the most lovely, caring grandad. What a shame your daughter and her partner won’t allow you l-1 contact with your granddaughter. Very, very sad. At least you’ve taken part in her life by being there for so many of her activities. My grandchildren absolutely adore my husband, their grandad. Much as I love them, he is definitely the favourite grandparent, and I don’t mind, I think it’s lovely. He has often been alone with his grandchildren, as have I, but probably him more so. You have a priceless relationship with your granddaughter, I can only advise you to enjoy it. I’m so sorry you are not allowed a little l-l time with her.

I’ve responded honestly, I hope this isn’t a wind up as some very genuine posters have suggested.

you know my generation survived very well without sleepovers

I had many sleepovers with my grandmothers, and I loved sleeping at their houses. I don’t agree that our generation didn’t have sleepovers with their grandparents, of course we did, it was entirely normal.

Maddyone I think what you said was good and fair advice.

To be honest, I've never had 1:1 contact either with GC. I think today's parents are a lot more hands on. I have never asked, and wouldn't. If they want us to babysit, they are more than capable of asking. I'm glad to see GC, in whatever capacity.

Always wanting more means you don't appreciate what you have or perhaps that you need to add more things into your life to bring you that fulfilment that you are seeking from a sleepover. Our GC are not the same as our kids, they already have parents and we must respect their wishes.

Standad If you have spare love to give, perhaps you could apply to become a foster carer. There are many children needing love, a stable home and a good start, who don't have parents.

That way you could find fulfilment and be a force for good. Perhaps talk this over with your daughter. Perhaps it's not more time with your GD that you're missing, but actually being a parent???

They weren’t called sleepovers- they were “staying at Grandma’s”, only done in an emergency or if parents wanted to go out, not for the grandparents’ desires.

Yes, I only ever stayed at my GP in an emergency, not as a usual thing.

IMHO if it's not already happened, it's unlikely to happen as the girl gets older. If I was the mother, I would probably be alarmed if my father kept requesting this. You can always buy a teddy bear or something, if you're lonely at night.

I'd say keep busy and fill your life with more enjoyable things (you definitely have the money to if you can afford Claridges etc!)

Hi Bluebelle
Obviously, I am not a poor man, and my lifestyle is a lot different to most. It is not a competition to see how much I can spend on them, Whilst I can buy GD anything she wants for those special occasions she will only get what her parents tell me I can buy. Treats are rarely instigated by me it is usually where can we go? I just say whatever you want to do and tag along and yes, I pay.
Most of my nephews and nieces are grown up and only two have children under 6 some of them have children that have children of their own these also visit I also try to visit them. I am blessed with a lot of lovely family whilst I am not at war with any of them there are plenty of troubles within the same with all big families and great care is taken that I do not visit two lots on the same day that are not on talking terms.
Friends abundant without them I could not have survived covid after my wife passed away (2015) I never dined at home (and still do not) except when D and GD stay and that rarely with D always preferring to eat out. When friends or family stop over, we always dine out. Dinning out night after night is not much fun lots of times on my own, Friends, family, and neighbours that I used to dine out with now could not take me out I would insist on home cooking, home cooked dining is always good. Restaurants closed during covid no problem. Lots of other help no need to talk about that you cannot believe how good most people are.
Hobbies I do not have time. I go to the occasional football same with cricket, theatre a lot. I never watch TV.
You ask: wonder if your benevolence and involvement is wearing thin with at least one child if you are referring to my D I think not they have two holidays booked this year already and have already asked me to join them. I would not embarrass my children with tales of their horrendous lifestyles it would sound worse on paper.

onwardandupward the man is 80 how can he become a foster carer ? I think you need to read the thread

Thanks for your answer standad but don’t you realise that you do sound very entangled with your daughter and granddaughter maybe the son in law is perhaps thankful but inwardly offended that you pay for everything
You have had a wonderful time with your granddaughter but she ll soon be in double figures and her friends and then boyfriends will take over her life
I m not sure why you have no time for hobbies if you live alone and are retired? But you will need something to take her place before much longer or are you expecting her to be your companion through her teens It’s never safe to put all your eggs in one basket
Anyway your a very lucky chap plenty of money plenty of things to do,two holidays planned with your family, what more can you possibly want ….I m perplexed

Hi Welbeck
Yes, and to lots of other top restaurants and very rarely the only child there
Now is different at 9 she is quite the young lady getting dirty and climbing trees is no longer the attraction it used to be this was in reference to Granddads Garden.
Big difference to going for a fun day out with school friends to an assault course not many if any children given the opportunity to do that would say no. If you can not see that you must have no idea what children like and want

Hi 3dognight
Please read response to bluebelle
If you bothered to actually read what I have said just explain about where I need to back off you are all hung up on sleepovers I am the only one that’s not.

Aye, right.

I'm sorry Standad but your whole attitude to this is really off putting and I don't think I would want my children to be alone with you because your need to always be right and put yourself above others would have a negative impact on them.

Oh I missed the bit about being 80!

There seems to be something missing here, an air of shall we say.... unfulfillment??? Whatever is missing in your life Standad I hope you find the things that make you, you without putting all your eggs in one basket or making anyone uncomfortable.

I'm sorry you consider your child's lifestyle horrendous, but not sure if that's snobbishness about where they live or their choice of partner. If your child is happy, hope you can be happy for their happiness. After all, they choose to include you in their holidays.

Hi Maddyone
Thank you for your response it is sad that since she started school, I have lost the 1-1 prior to that I had loads and loads of 1-1 under 4s do not make for good conversation but great to be with for the joy they always bring. I am happy for you, that you have a great relationship with your grandchildren and no doubt you always will. GDs are often the favourite probably because we are less strict. You are one of the lucky ones on this site, from the responses I have had there seem to be a lot of sad and lonely people. I have had lots of private responses all with good advice.

What amazed me most not one open comment showed concerns for my GD although private responses which were many all did. The public responses they were all about me and D we are not important certainly not me. GD needs to be safe at all times.

I have given honest answer to all comments on this site. I came from a poor family and have been very poor up to and during my early married years. There is no shame in being poor and no glory in being rich, but jealousy brings out the worse in people. This will rattle a few cages watch for the sad and twisted comments I will not be reading them.

I also had many sleepovers during the war and after and when I did my first scout camp there were many boys unhappy and nervous about being away from home for the first time.

Hi OnwardandUpward

I will respond to your comments in the order you made them.

First you have not bothered to read what I have said you should.

I feel sorry for you if you have never had a 1-1 with your GC you do not know what you are missing

Most parents today are working so hard to provide for their families GP are playing an important part in that support. Check the statistics.

If you have never asked or offered your services as a babysitter, how do they know you would, do not assume they will ask. I am sure you care enough to provide the service.

I have never and would never ask for more I do not need more.

Let us get the sleep over straight. My GD had just finished her football training it is a Saturday morning not all, but most girls were getting excited about the coming weekend sleepover. On the way home part of the conversation was would you like a sleepover, no reference of that to be at mine she replied mum said I cannot have a sleepover. From that I assumed that it was previously discussed no more was said within a week mum and GD were coming to stay. This was normal they spend a lot of time at mine during the weekend mum said did you ask GD if she wanted a sleepover, I obviously said yes. D said please do not ask her that again that was over a year ago and has never been mentioned since by mum, GD or me. This is already in some previous comments you just have not read. You are not alone

Always wanting more not to sure what you mean. If it is to better, yourself nothing wrong with that. If you think I want more time with my D and GD no way. IF D said you can have 2 hours 1-1 with GD but you cannot see her for another year a month ago, I would have taken it.

I would not interfere with the way my D brings up her daughter I believe her to be a good mum, but she does have a problem. I certainly would interfere if my GD were in danger from her parents and if every GP cared the same for their GC perhaps, we would see an end to the constant child abuse by parents.

I am too old to foster although during covid a young family in the village adopted me for their Granddad. Do I spoil them like my own I do not need to, but I owe them more than I can ever repay I will always be there for them?

One of eight we were for ever being sent away to relation not for emergencies and my parents could not afford to go out.

If you had taken the time to read my comments you will know I have only ever asked my daughter twice for something concerning my GD in nine years that is not bad. They were both different although my D probably considered them to be the same and I never question her response, first late last year I asked if I could take GD to London for the day that was a no this year I asked if I could take her just for lunch to London also a no.

Now you are back on the sleepover I give in.

OP

Your obsession with your GD and 1-1 isn't healthy.

Do you have friends, social network, hobbies?

Your posts points to your GD being the center of your life

Standad that was a long message. I read it all but cannot answer all the points as it's so late.

I have not had 1:1 as in a sleepover - and that's fine with babies or toddlers who I have no wish to separate from their parents. Obviously I've spent time with my GC. They do not go out without their kids, and do not wish to be parted from such young ones. I would not pressure them or expect anything, but am here should they ever need help.

You criticise me for mentioning the sleep over , yet it's what you came here to write about. You refer to some of us as sad and lonely, which seems a bit ironic, considering.

Have you considered having counselling to try and reframe things a bit, in a more positive light? Glass half full, you have a wonderful GD who you get to see and spend time with. Lots of positives to be grateful for. I'm sure your GD is the light of your life.

Just because you pay for her education does not give you the right to ask for a sleepover 1:1 with a nine year old. If I was her Mother I would think it inappropriate that you want her to sleep over alone as she has already slept there with her daughter. If you ask a question on here, you have to be prepared to recieve advice and suggestions that you may not like.