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Should I move?

(24 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Tue 15-Feb-22 20:11:08

Last year my daughter and family moved 200 miles away. They have persuaded me to sell my house and buy near them. However I am having 2nd thoughts. I have a good job where I am and friends. I will be giving this up to be near my family. I won't have a job or friends although make a good profit on the house. I just do not know what to so. I love my family but I also have my work and friends. I am so torn. What do you think I should so?

Lucyloo12 Tue 15-Feb-22 20:13:15

My house paperwork is still in progress so no actual exchange date yet.

Hithere Tue 15-Feb-22 20:16:58

No, in your case I wouldnt

ixion Tue 15-Feb-22 20:19:27

www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/1295653-Where-should-I-move?msgid=28678738

Is this same move debated here last May?

Kim19 Tue 15-Feb-22 20:19:35

And if your children should decide to move yet again?

midgey Tue 15-Feb-22 20:20:41

Stay where you are!

Lucyloo12 Tue 15-Feb-22 20:23:17

Yes, I was in the same situation sort of but now I've dumped the boyfriend.

Coastpath Tue 15-Feb-22 20:31:47

You sound happy where you are with a good job and a network of friends. Can you stay where you are and plan some lovely holidays to visit your daughter and her family? Have the best of both worlds that way.

Coolgran65 Tue 15-Feb-22 20:34:51

If in doubt don’t do it. You can rethink at another time. How will your daughter feel if you stop proceedings. An honest chat would be good.

Hithere Tue 15-Feb-22 20:35:53

Given your background, if this is the same dd, why would you even consider the move?

V3ra Tue 15-Feb-22 20:36:13

Boyfriend or not, based on last year's experience I'd say stay put.
You don't say how old you are but you're still working and have a good job, plus good friends. You would be very dependent on your daughter's whims if you moved until you rebuilt a work and social circle for yourself. Do you really want the upheaval of all that?
Your daughter has already shown how cruel to you she can be. Once you're there, it could be so much worse if you "upset" her in any way. Over money, for example...

Pepper59 Tue 15-Feb-22 21:41:14

No, you could end up following them all over the country, with no life of your own. Moving isn't cheap and you are happy where you are.

Luckygirl3 Tue 15-Feb-22 22:24:06

You have a life; your DD has a life. At times these lives will come together, but you do not need to give up your life, any more than she is giving up hers.

Luckygirl3 Tue 15-Feb-22 22:25:14

Just looked at your previous thread. Please stay put.

3dognight Wed 16-Feb-22 03:14:12

Sounds like your life is pretty sorted where you are.
‘Better the devil you know’ seems to fit in this case.
200 miles isn’t so far, still possible to have a good relationship (maybe abit more planning!)

Grandnana Wed 16-Feb-22 04:20:39

Your relationship with your grandchildren isn't related to the distance you live from them, especially in these days of Skype, FaceTime etc.
But even true when I was a growing up. My maternal grandparents lived 15 minutes walk away from me; their two other grandchildren were 250 miles away and they only saw them every four years. When I was a child I assumed that my cousins wouldn't be as close emotionally to them as I was ... but when I discussed it years later with my cousins, their bond was obviously just as strong as mine.
Please don't move thinking that it's the only way to have a good relationship with your grandchildren. It really isn't. And a happy, interesting grandparent makes a good grandparent.

Nannarose Wed 16-Feb-22 10:30:16

This comes up regularly, and so much depends on factors that we're not aware of.
You have a great job, but is it transferable - and how long before you retire anyway?
You would free up money - that could be very useful OR it could mean that if you want another move, you won't have the same capital.
Where does this sit in your life's priorities?
I have a friend who has recently done this, in the following circumstances:
The grandchildren are the only ones she is likely to have; the nature of their parents' jobs mean that standard childcare only covers some of their needs; her greatest friends don't live nearby anyway; she is retired. So she was happy to move and get a new circle of 'local friends' and pursue interests near her family.

The suggestion is often made here that you try renting out your own house and renting near your family for several months. However, I gather that organising this is more difficult than it used to be, and probably doesn't fit with your job.

Whatever you decide, embrace it wholeheartedly and make the very most of being the 'interesting more distant' nan, or the 'making a new life here' retiree.
good luck

hazel93 Wed 16-Feb-22 10:50:24

No way would I move due to family considerations - your children move on as do your GC.
We are moving 200 miles or so from my GS, DIL and GD in the Spring and although we will obviously miss the regular physical contact ( 2 or 3 times a week ) we feel it is a good move for us.
That said we are now retired so we can visit whenever - 200 miles not that far in my view !

eazybee Wed 16-Feb-22 11:42:45

This seems to be the second time you have put your property up for sale, then withdrawn. Spare a thought for the prospective buyers.

Shelflife Wed 16-Feb-22 14:05:08

You are clearly having second thoughts - that is a red flag alert! My advice is make up your mind to stay put and act upon it. You will be giving up your job and loosing friends , how is that a good move? Your daughter and her family may move if you live near them what will you do then !? Your indecisive attitude is telling you to stay put. You should only move to be near them if you are 100% sure it is what you want to happen .
Making a new life may not be as easy as you anticipate. My advice thin very hard twice !!!

Shelflife Wed 16-Feb-22 14:05:59

Think !!

62Granny Wed 16-Feb-22 14:18:15

Would moving nearer to your daughter mean that you could help out with childcare and would she emotionally blackmail you in to giving her some of the equity you free up. I would say probably on both counts going by your previous post. I would not move while you have doubts like this. Packing in your job and making new friends is easier for some people than others. I would write down the pros & cons of moving. Then make up your mind.

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 16-Feb-22 18:48:01

I personally wouldn’t if I was as happy as you sound. You could go through all that....and they could move again!

LadyGracie Wed 16-Feb-22 22:43:47

I definitely wouldn’t.